deja vu?

my last LTR began unraveling when i realized he was still in regular contact with his ex-girlfriend. i don't know if they hung out (i'm sure they did) but i know they e-mailed and talked on the phone. when i first confronted him about it, he told me he wouldn't let it affect our relationship and if it bothered me that much, he would do something about it. he never did. in fact, when i confronted him about it again a year or so later, he told me that i was paranoid and he wasn't going to stop talking to a friend because i was being insecure. (he wasn't a very nice guy, in hindsight).

anyhoo, jump forward to the present and to my current beau. today we were at my house watching the hockey game. his phone rang and he scoffed when he saw the caller. then, he showed me his call display and said, "wanna say hi to your buddy?" it was his ex. i was so tempted to grab the phone out of his hand and say hello. in hindsight, maybe i should've. that would've shown him not to mess with me! :) anyway, she left a message. and i struggled as to whether or not i would say anything to him about it.

on the one hand, it did bother me. why is she calling him? has he told her he's seeing someone else? he doesn't need to tell her he's dating me but it would be nice if she knew that he wasn't waiting around for her anymore. and why does he still have her phone number in his phone? he just got a new phone a couple of weeks ago so he would have had to physically input her name and phone number into this new phone. so it's in there on purpose. WTF? and why, if he couldn't stand to be with her romantically anymore, is it okay now that they are just "friends"? i never understood why couples who break up insist on keeping in touch. no, i do understand because i did it too. i remained "friends" with my ex for a good month because where else was i going to get laid? find and break-in someone new? no thanks! so is that why they're still "in touch"? so they can reach out and touch each other if the drunken mood strikes? i say to you again - WTF?

on the other hand, i think i wanted to freak out and confront him because that's the way i've always done it. i've always been irrational and suspicious and accusatory. so i wanted to react that way by habit, but not necessarily because i felt like something was going on. it's not like he's hiding the fact that she phoned him. and in fact, he said he did it because he didn't want me to think he was hiding something from me. but he did say that they still "talk". whatever that means.

when he left, he asked me, "it doesn't bother you that she called me, does it?" the old me would've said, "no, not at all," and then freaked out on him later, either in an e-mail or in a totally unrelated situation. the new me said, "yes, it does, actually." point blank, no whining or accusing. he said, "you know there's no way i'll ever get back with her, don't you?" and i said, "no, i don't." it was somewhat comforting that he tried to assure me that he wouldn't get back together with her but at the same time, we're talking about two people who were together for six years and found a way to break up and get back together numerous times in those six years. how can he know that for sure? particularly if she actually doesn't know that he's dating someone new. i mean, really - whose feelings are more important to him? mine or hers?

but, the new me says that if he really wants to be with her, then he will. and like all the other heart breaks i've suffered, i will survive.