sour grapes

once again, i had a fantastic time with MGF tonight. i met him at his office (there was a misunderstanding as to where we were supposed to meet - he meant i should come upstairs and meet him at reception and i thought we were going to meet where we always do in the lobby of his office building. a mock argument ensued and a bet was laid. i think he was unclear as to his instructions but we'll see tomorrow.). we walked to his apartment because he wanted to change his shoes (they were new and his feet hurt). we got to his apartment and we chatted while he changed out of his work clothes (he always keeps the door open, the little perv). he suggested we go to McD's for ice cream. i jumped on that bandwagon pretty quickly. we walked and talked. stood in line and talked. i stood back and let him order, watching the cashier flirt shameless with him (in front of me, how rude!) while he was completely oblivious ("how many ketchups would you like?" moan, moan, wink, wink). we sat on the library steps, as we always do, had an impromptu picnic and people watched. we talked. while i don't know how the subject even came up, he complimented me on how i looked ("you look amazing today. black is a really good color on you."). then i mentioned to him that i had a date after i met with him. we talked about it and he chastized me for agreeing to go out with someone when i had no real feelings for him. i was thisclose to standing my date up and spending the rest of the evening with MGF.

he offered to drive me to the date because i would've been late otherwise (actually, he said, "let me drop you off where he can see me and you can tell him i was your 5 o'clock!"). as we walked back to his apartment, and i verbally agonized over why i was going out with the guy i was about to go out with, MGF said, "why don't you just tell him you met someone? tell him that you've met someone that you want to get to know better." and i said, without really thinking, "you mean, what i told you?"

as the words came tumbling out of my mouth, i looked at his face. he sort of smiled as he realized the truth to what i had just said but he didn't look at me. i tried to make light of it, laughed and gave him a hug as we were walking, and he laughed and said, "oh, don't touch me now!" i managed to save some face by saying, "well, i obviously picked the wrong guy back then, now didn't i?"

i love being with him. i feel we get along so well. i'd like to think that eventually, one day, we'll end up together but i don't think it will be that way. a combination of bad timing and poor frame of mind (the latter on my part) prevented us from forming more than just a friendship and i think bad timing and circumstance will prevail. i know it's not positive thinking but at this point, it's not going to happen.

c'est la vie. zut alors!