can't let go

the mariah carey song is running through my head right now... the title is pretty indicative of me, though. i have a hard time letting go of things - it's my pack-rat mentality. i don't like to think that i'm obsessive and i would never describe myself that way. but i get attached to people easily and when it seems like they are slowly drifting out of my life, i get upset. sometimes i try to prevent it from happening (or at least, delay its occurence) by emphasizing the aspects of my personality that might keep them around. they might not be prevalent parts of my personality but it's still sort of me. i have this desire to make things work, regardless of what my head tells me is right. if i mess up at work, i need to do everything else extra carefully to make up for what i've done. if i've said something to upset a friend, i make no mention of it again and try to be especially sensitive to them for the next couple of days. i have the desire to fix things and to make things better. most days, i have no idea how to do it. and sometimes, i try too hard when i should really just give up. sometimes i am able to let it go and to move on. but if i think it's worth the fight, i hang on until someone else pries my fingers loose. the curse of being a Cancer - we care too much and get hurt easily. and no one ever knows.