Back Issue - Trappings

Don't you love it when the little things that happen in life remind you of or make you realize what you're actually missing?
Last night, I was at my friend's fundraiser at the Shark Club for his dragon boat team. The people I went with were more interested in sitting upstairs and playing pool than actually getting out and mingling so I was eyeing the dance floor to see if there were enough people that I could just go and dance by myself and no one would be the wiser. The friend that invited me saw me, knows how much I love to dance and signaled to me that we should go dance. We walked down the steps and I paused at the threshold of gyrating bodies, just to take note of which pathway to take to get to the inside circle. My friend, through instinct or just because he was very drunk, put his hand between my hip and my ass to lead me through. At the time, I thought it was kind of funny - was he so drunk that he forgot I wasn't his girlfriend but a co-worker he was touching rather inappropriately? We dance for awhile and then he took off and I danced by myself a little more. I didn't think about his gesture until this morning when I woke up.
I think that's what I miss most about being in a relationship. You'd think it would be that you always have someone to call and tell about your day or that you know you have a date for all major holiday parties or that you know you have an option to have sex on any given day or that there's someone that loves you for you and they aren't related to you. I do miss all of that but above all, I miss the little, intimate gestures - and not sexual gestures but more "territorial" gestures, for lack of a better word - that come naturally in any exclusive relationship. The trappings, if you will.
I remember an episode of "Allie McBeal" that talked about the "trappings of a relationship". Basically, it's the little gestures that show everyone around you that you and your mate are together. I remember going to the video store with a boyfriend, me going directly to the "new releases" wall and he would beeline to the video games. I'd browse every single title and eventually, he would come up behind me, put his hands on my hips or arms around my waist and browse with me. This is a trapping.
Or, whenever I walk down the street with a boyfriend, I instinctively just grab his arm, if his hands are in his pocket, and walk along with my hand in the crook of his elbow. Trappings.
Or, if we're walking out of a restaurant or movie or anywhere there's a crowd of people, he walks behind me with his hand on the small of my back, leading me through.
Or, at a party where we're standing with a group of people talking and he leans over and picks an imaginary piece of lint of my shoulder or brushes a stray hair from my face. Or, if we're sitting around at a party and I get up, put my hand on his arm and say, "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything while I'm up?" I know the last one is a weird example but I miss doing that!
It could be as simple as just The Look that all couples exchange at one time or another - I call it the "Squinty Look". It's a hard look to actually describe because for all people, it's slightly different. But you always know it when you see it.
I miss being a part of something. I mean, I'm a part of lots of things - friendships, family, volunteer organizations, work but it's not the same. I miss the familiarity that comes with being part of a couple - knowing the likes, the dislikes, the preferences. Being able to say, "No, he'd rather have the sweater in the dark blue than the light. And he's not fond of turtlenecks." I miss taking care of someone - I admit it, I coddle boyfriends. I don't know if it's a maternal instinct or a Filipino instinct but I always want to make sure the people I'm with are happy. I care more that they're happy than if I'm happy. I miss doing little things for someone (this sort of goes against my Chivalry post but...). I even miss buying little gifts - not for birthdays or holidays but everyday gifts - a book he wants to read or his favourite chocolate or massage oil . And I can achieve this with friends and family to a certain extent but it's just not the same. Especially with the massage oil... I have been known to use the interoffice mail to send boxes of chocolates to my friends at another office for Christmas and Valentine's Day. But it's just not the same as sending a first-thing-in-the-morning e-mail to that Special Someone to let them know you're thinking of them or listening to an old voicemail they left you, just to hear their voice.... Sigh.