reality

i was flipping channels and came upon the end of a show where the main character (i'm assuming, since she was doing the final, Wonder Years-esque voice-over) watched as her mom was sentenced to spend a month in a rehab facililty. the voice-over said something about how the fog of childhood lifts when you finally see your parents as people, and not just your parents. how true that is.

it's become readily apparent to me in the past four years that the fog has lifted and just like Jimmy Cliff, i can see clearly now. or at least, a little more clear.

i think my dad is sinking into a deeper depression. i didn't want to believe he was depressed before, but there's no other way i can describe it. i've asked The Angels whether i should intervene and try to help him, and they said no. i understand - he's a big boy and can take care of himself. but that doesn't mean it doesn't worry me.

it's not that i think he'll do anything to harm himself. i think he just wants people to feel sorry for him, which is pretty sad in itself. i know he sees himself as a victim of the separation. he hears about my mom spending three weeks in Europe after having spent three weeks earlier this year in the Philippines and i know he's bitter. or jealous. or angry. or something. but he sloughs everything off like it's nothing. but you can just feel that it's eating away at him.

i have the opportunity to get a dog for free, basically. i know it's not the right time for me, but i have this feeling that if i get the dog, and if my dad warms up to it, then perhaps the dog might be some built-in therapy for him. something that accepts him for who he is, but loves him unconditionally anyway - you know, what my mom couldn't do for him. i think he just needs someone or something to care about again.

it's a bit of a risk, getting a dog and hoping that it will help my dad emotionally, but i think i'm willing to do it. it'll probably help me out a little too.