vincent

i've been singing with my Magic Mic for the past hour or so now (poor neighbours). i've sang everything from laura branigan's showstopper, "Gloria", to bette midler's "The Rose". i've laughed as sang the carpenters' "Goodbye to Love" and cheesed my way through Queen's "Somebody to Love". i've been fine. i've laughed at myself. i've wondered if the neighbours can hear me and if they can, do they think i'm nuts? and then, i get to one of my very favorites, don maclean's "Vincent".

lately, when i've sang it, i've started to cry when i get to the part where he sings, "and when no hope was left in sight on the starry, starry night / you took your life as lovers often do / but i could have told you, vincent / this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you". this time, i started to tear up and my voice started to crack as i sang, "now i understand / what you tried to say to me / and how you suffered for your sanity / and how you tried to set them free..."

i can't understand it. i'm starting to think that perhaps, my subconscious knows something that i don't. perhaps i am mentally ill - clinically depressed or schizophrenic maybe - and i don't know it yet. why the song about the genius yet suicidal artist makes me cry, i don't know. "...perhaps [i] never will".