i was napping on the couch on saturday when i was woken up by my phone. i saw the number was not one i recognized, so i went back to sleep. about half an hour later, i get up and see that the unknown number has left message. it was a recorded voice, saying that my debit card had been cancelled and to go to my nearest bank to get a new one. since i was going out that night, i figured i should get my ass to the bank.
turns out i was a victim of debit card skimming. the jerks made a total of 3 separate transactions - 2 $100 withdrawals and then, get this, $1000 deposit.
i went to the bank and they refunded my $200. they gave me a new bank card and i went on my way. i just checked my bank account and the $1000 is still in there.
so, do i get to keep it???
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
HVD
i find it interesting to note that i don't have one Valentine's Day entry in any of the years i've been blogging on this site. weird, eh?
not so weird, considering that the last time i had a Valentine, i was trying to break up with him. i like to think that i've moved onwards and upwards since then. into the stratasphere, if comparisons must be made.
honestly, i kept forgetting that it was this weekend. i was at the mall near my office on thursday and i kept seeing people carrying Purdy's bags. i wondered, "what's the draw with the chocolate right now? are they selling Olympic chocolate or something?" and then i walked the red velvet heart and silhouetted Cupid decorations and realized,"Ah. It's Valentine's Day this weekend."
i went shopping. bought my new rainboots and another pair of shoes (i know, i have a problem). i then went and had lunch (2 slices of pizza but i still came in close to my goal caloric intake today so i consider that pretty darn good). then i went grocery shopping. and then i took my Lunatic for a long walk, as it was such a gorgeous day today. and now, i write before bed and after my weekly weigh in. and i have nothing to say. except that the scale we used on Friday must be wonky because if it's not, i've already lost 4 lbs.
HVD. and good night.
not so weird, considering that the last time i had a Valentine, i was trying to break up with him. i like to think that i've moved onwards and upwards since then. into the stratasphere, if comparisons must be made.
honestly, i kept forgetting that it was this weekend. i was at the mall near my office on thursday and i kept seeing people carrying Purdy's bags. i wondered, "what's the draw with the chocolate right now? are they selling Olympic chocolate or something?" and then i walked the red velvet heart and silhouetted Cupid decorations and realized,"Ah. It's Valentine's Day this weekend."
i went shopping. bought my new rainboots and another pair of shoes (i know, i have a problem). i then went and had lunch (2 slices of pizza but i still came in close to my goal caloric intake today so i consider that pretty darn good). then i went grocery shopping. and then i took my Lunatic for a long walk, as it was such a gorgeous day today. and now, i write before bed and after my weekly weigh in. and i have nothing to say. except that the scale we used on Friday must be wonky because if it's not, i've already lost 4 lbs.
HVD. and good night.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
biggest loser
the cousins have finally decided to do the biggest loser: Canada edition. our cousins in the States have been doing it for about 3 or 4 years now and we decided to undertake it here. if it goes well, next year we'll be doing Team USA vs. Team Canada. lol.
i was not pleased with my weigh-in last night but i guess the more i weigh, the better it is in the end. i would like to lose 25 lbs in the 10 weeks. i think that's doable. i'm going to keep a journal, not online, with my weekly weigh ins and measurements (we're not keeping track of measurements for the competition but since that's all i really care about, i'm going to, for me). but today, i enjoy my final hours of gluttony and sloth.
bring on dessert!
i was not pleased with my weigh-in last night but i guess the more i weigh, the better it is in the end. i would like to lose 25 lbs in the 10 weeks. i think that's doable. i'm going to keep a journal, not online, with my weekly weigh ins and measurements (we're not keeping track of measurements for the competition but since that's all i really care about, i'm going to, for me). but today, i enjoy my final hours of gluttony and sloth.
bring on dessert!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
blue
on Wednesday, i had a serious case of the blues. it was frustrating, because there really was no reason for it. as the day went on, i felt worse and worse, so much so that i skipped out on going to choir practice (research shows that singing boosts seratonin levels). not even my little Lunatic made me feel better, although she did try her hardest at being uber-cute and charming.
when i woke up the next morning, i felt only slightly better, which is unusual. i can usually sleep off any negative feelings. i felt better as the day went on and by Friday, i was back to normal. but it still bugs me - what was i blue about?
it wasn't depression. it wasn't that ache that makes me want to cry. it wasn't even sadness. it was just a general feeling of blah. the feeling that makes you want to stare out of a window for hours on end at nothing in particular. a feeling of disinterestedness, of detachment.
maybe it is just a case of the january blues. holidays are over, everything is back to normal. the first long weekend isn't until april. the rain is back. i can see why people get sad this time of year. it's still in the back of my mind, anyway.
but, the olympics are in 2 weeks, the visitors and athletes are slowly starting to trickle in and the energy in the air is almost palpable. a new guy starts on Monday at work. change is in the air! the next month will be good. i can feel it.
when i woke up the next morning, i felt only slightly better, which is unusual. i can usually sleep off any negative feelings. i felt better as the day went on and by Friday, i was back to normal. but it still bugs me - what was i blue about?
it wasn't depression. it wasn't that ache that makes me want to cry. it wasn't even sadness. it was just a general feeling of blah. the feeling that makes you want to stare out of a window for hours on end at nothing in particular. a feeling of disinterestedness, of detachment.
maybe it is just a case of the january blues. holidays are over, everything is back to normal. the first long weekend isn't until april. the rain is back. i can see why people get sad this time of year. it's still in the back of my mind, anyway.
but, the olympics are in 2 weeks, the visitors and athletes are slowly starting to trickle in and the energy in the air is almost palpable. a new guy starts on Monday at work. change is in the air! the next month will be good. i can feel it.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
torture
i've been home for about 24 hours after spending a week with my mom. don't get me wrong - it was a pretty good week. she drove me only a bit crazy, and that was only at the beginning. but i was looking forward to just having time to myself.
my brother phoned earlier and i asked him if he had seen my grandma yet today. he said no. i said that i was going and asked him whether he wanted to come with me. i told him i'd call him when i was ready to go.
flash forward to 10 minutes ago. my mom phones and asks if i'm going to see my grandma. i say yes. she asks when. i say after 6. she asks if she can come with me. i say sure. she asks if my brother is going. i say maybe. she asks if i was going to ask her if she wanted to come with me. i am surprised by how stupid she is for asking a question to which she's already decided what the answer is and stutter. she says, "no, you weren't. that's okay, that's okay. what time are you going?" and i know that when i pick her up, she's going to say something about not thinking or being thoughtful enough to ask her to go with me. why? why? why??
why does she do that to herself?
my brother phoned earlier and i asked him if he had seen my grandma yet today. he said no. i said that i was going and asked him whether he wanted to come with me. i told him i'd call him when i was ready to go.
flash forward to 10 minutes ago. my mom phones and asks if i'm going to see my grandma. i say yes. she asks when. i say after 6. she asks if she can come with me. i say sure. she asks if my brother is going. i say maybe. she asks if i was going to ask her if she wanted to come with me. i am surprised by how stupid she is for asking a question to which she's already decided what the answer is and stutter. she says, "no, you weren't. that's okay, that's okay. what time are you going?" and i know that when i pick her up, she's going to say something about not thinking or being thoughtful enough to ask her to go with me. why? why? why??
why does she do that to herself?
Sunday, December 27, 2009
bad Christmas
it's been a rough weekend for my family. i've spent the past two days at BGH. on Christmas Day, I got word from my cousin, Ash, that her dad was in the hospital. we went that day, after going to see my grandma. i didn't actually get to see him - the nurses were frustrated that his kids wouldn't leave his bedside (he'd been in since Christmas Eve), and he hadn't gotten any real sleep because of it. they basically kicked us out of the room before we even got there.
so we waited in one of the waiting rooms for a couple of hours, talking to my cousins and talking to my aunt. he's bleeding from his rectum, but they don't know where it's coming from. they have since narrowed it down to a bleed in the intestines or in the bowel.
it's always hard for me, not because i don't have faith that he'll get better, but that my dad is upset. it's hard for me to see him crack.
boxing day, i get a call from my dad. he says that my uncle is much better and has gotten some rest, but that my grandma (their mom) has had a stroke an is also at BGH. back to the hospital we went.
the doctor in emerg basically said that she's 90 and she's not likely to spring back. it's not completely out of the question, but that it's unlikely. they've basically giving her palliative care. it was so hard to see all of my aunts and uncles breaking down.
we spent most of the day and evening at the hospital, just rotating who got to go into the room with her. four to a room and a huge filipino family - you do the math! i commented to my cousin that it's a shame that it takes something like this to get us all in one room. my cousin from Washington was driving in when i left and my cousin from edmonton was also flying in. i'll probably see them today.
i'm trying to do all of my crying now and not at the hospital. sobbing uncontrollably just sets everyone off. i'm ready to let her go - i know that sounds heartless but i've always said that grieving for someone that has live a good and long life, surrounded by family and friends, is selfish. it's the family left behind that is going to miss her most, not that she won't miss us too. but she's in so much pain right now and she's confused and trying to get out of bed when she obviously can't. it's just hard to watch. she's such a fighter and she's stubborn. knowing her, she will defy the odds and bounce back, but for how much longer?
i sometimes hate that i'm so practical about death. i suppose it's the only way i know how to deal with a situation i can't control.
so we waited in one of the waiting rooms for a couple of hours, talking to my cousins and talking to my aunt. he's bleeding from his rectum, but they don't know where it's coming from. they have since narrowed it down to a bleed in the intestines or in the bowel.
it's always hard for me, not because i don't have faith that he'll get better, but that my dad is upset. it's hard for me to see him crack.
boxing day, i get a call from my dad. he says that my uncle is much better and has gotten some rest, but that my grandma (their mom) has had a stroke an is also at BGH. back to the hospital we went.
the doctor in emerg basically said that she's 90 and she's not likely to spring back. it's not completely out of the question, but that it's unlikely. they've basically giving her palliative care. it was so hard to see all of my aunts and uncles breaking down.
we spent most of the day and evening at the hospital, just rotating who got to go into the room with her. four to a room and a huge filipino family - you do the math! i commented to my cousin that it's a shame that it takes something like this to get us all in one room. my cousin from Washington was driving in when i left and my cousin from edmonton was also flying in. i'll probably see them today.
i'm trying to do all of my crying now and not at the hospital. sobbing uncontrollably just sets everyone off. i'm ready to let her go - i know that sounds heartless but i've always said that grieving for someone that has live a good and long life, surrounded by family and friends, is selfish. it's the family left behind that is going to miss her most, not that she won't miss us too. but she's in so much pain right now and she's confused and trying to get out of bed when she obviously can't. it's just hard to watch. she's such a fighter and she's stubborn. knowing her, she will defy the odds and bounce back, but for how much longer?
i sometimes hate that i'm so practical about death. i suppose it's the only way i know how to deal with a situation i can't control.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
superego
i am feeling 180 degrees better than i did two days ago. it's amazing what a smack to the ol' ego will do, and when i say that, i mean that i put it back in check.
i find that whenever i'm feeling unsatisfied or unhappy, the corresponding ego-size is extra-large. it's when i think i'm better than everyone else that i start to become this pouty, whiny monster.
a good cry, an internal pep-talk, and remembering what is most important in life, is all it really took to get me back to normal. a little nutty is normal. quirky is normal. slightly manic is normal. but diva is not.
welcome back, me!
i find that whenever i'm feeling unsatisfied or unhappy, the corresponding ego-size is extra-large. it's when i think i'm better than everyone else that i start to become this pouty, whiny monster.
a good cry, an internal pep-talk, and remembering what is most important in life, is all it really took to get me back to normal. a little nutty is normal. quirky is normal. slightly manic is normal. but diva is not.
welcome back, me!
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
lowered expectations
after probably over 10 years, i finally had another breakdown at work. those of you that know me well know that i don't ever cry at work, or in front of other people. it's not something i do unless i feel completely hopeless, helpless or frustrated. today was the latter.
doesn't even matter how it happened. i had, what i would consider but was probably just an exchange of words for the other person, a tiff with one of my lawyers. i'm tired of her princess-ness. "no one ever does my work" or "i never know where my files are". you know what? BUCK YOU. (no, that's not a typo).
my problem, as Sands quickly pointed out when she followed me into the bathroom, is that i have high expectations for myself and i expect the same of other people. perhaps even higher expectations for them. i'm just so sick and tired of hearing how rough my lawyer has it whe she creates a lot of the workload problems herself. she doesn't know how to manage her practice yet. she doesn't know how to utilize her assistants properly. and what happens? things get out of control. people get pissed off. like me.
in the same vein, i wonder whether i sometimes am a bit stubborn when it comes to her work. my dislike for the area of law in general may come into play, but when i work with my other lawyers in this area, i can take everything in stride. i don't want to think it's because she's a woman or because she's also a friend that i can't work with her. but i think she's unreasonable and just because she can get her way by rubbing up against the partners, it doesn't work that way with me. in fact, it has the opposite effect.
really, though, i'm tired. i haven't had a relaxing, no-brainer vacation in many, many moons. sure, i've had vacations and long weekends but everything i've done away from work this past year has been filled with activities, mostly of my own planning. this past may was supposed to be my week-long beach vacation but that turned into the Grand Canyon and Vegas - great vacation but not exactly relaxing.
my next time away is gearing up to be exactly the same. why do i do this to myself? i am burned out but i insist on plugging along. i'm carrying over five days of holidays for this year into january, so that i don't have to take five days out of next years holidays and only be left with 10 for the majority of the year, and end up being burned out and spazzing at work by october.
yet i desperately need time off now. like, i'm going to crack if i don't get it time-off. i wish i could just use my sick days as mental health days. maybe i shouldn't plan anything for this weekend, even though i have a mentorship thing on friday night and an information session on sunday afternoon. maybe my Christmas tree just won't go up this year so i am not pressuring myself to do it on thursday just so i can have it up.
i need to sleep.
doesn't even matter how it happened. i had, what i would consider but was probably just an exchange of words for the other person, a tiff with one of my lawyers. i'm tired of her princess-ness. "no one ever does my work" or "i never know where my files are". you know what? BUCK YOU. (no, that's not a typo).
my problem, as Sands quickly pointed out when she followed me into the bathroom, is that i have high expectations for myself and i expect the same of other people. perhaps even higher expectations for them. i'm just so sick and tired of hearing how rough my lawyer has it whe she creates a lot of the workload problems herself. she doesn't know how to manage her practice yet. she doesn't know how to utilize her assistants properly. and what happens? things get out of control. people get pissed off. like me.
in the same vein, i wonder whether i sometimes am a bit stubborn when it comes to her work. my dislike for the area of law in general may come into play, but when i work with my other lawyers in this area, i can take everything in stride. i don't want to think it's because she's a woman or because she's also a friend that i can't work with her. but i think she's unreasonable and just because she can get her way by rubbing up against the partners, it doesn't work that way with me. in fact, it has the opposite effect.
really, though, i'm tired. i haven't had a relaxing, no-brainer vacation in many, many moons. sure, i've had vacations and long weekends but everything i've done away from work this past year has been filled with activities, mostly of my own planning. this past may was supposed to be my week-long beach vacation but that turned into the Grand Canyon and Vegas - great vacation but not exactly relaxing.
my next time away is gearing up to be exactly the same. why do i do this to myself? i am burned out but i insist on plugging along. i'm carrying over five days of holidays for this year into january, so that i don't have to take five days out of next years holidays and only be left with 10 for the majority of the year, and end up being burned out and spazzing at work by october.
yet i desperately need time off now. like, i'm going to crack if i don't get it time-off. i wish i could just use my sick days as mental health days. maybe i shouldn't plan anything for this weekend, even though i have a mentorship thing on friday night and an information session on sunday afternoon. maybe my Christmas tree just won't go up this year so i am not pressuring myself to do it on thursday just so i can have it up.
i need to sleep.
Friday, October 30, 2009
BCIT
i have a crush on our new associate, who is 8 years younger than me.
he's adorable. and kind of dumb, in the street-smart kind of way. really bright at work, but a low-wattage when it comes to everyday things. i don't know what it is about him. he's tall and lanky - too skinny, actually. he's an ethical vegetarian (because it's too hard to be a vegan) and he has a painted portrait of his favorite philosopher on his wall at work. he's a bit shy but blunt, without being rude (the shyness probably helps take the edge off). and the only thing he ever really initiates conversation with me about is Manny Pacquiao. he looks GQ until he opens his mouth and laughs this really dorky laugh. he's a conundrum, and i like it.
a friend of mine, who is very good at ingesting information and presenting her findings in a succinct and meaningful way, once deduced that i love guys who aren't what they look like. for example, that chinese-italian guy i met at speed dating (who, coincidentally, is a friend of her family's). he looks asian, but speaks fluent italian. or the Gigolo. hot guy who has a PhD in biochemistry. i love paradoxes.
i just have to figure out how to make that work for me. not with just the Cub (if at all, as we do work together), but in general. i will certainly have fun trying.
he's adorable. and kind of dumb, in the street-smart kind of way. really bright at work, but a low-wattage when it comes to everyday things. i don't know what it is about him. he's tall and lanky - too skinny, actually. he's an ethical vegetarian (because it's too hard to be a vegan) and he has a painted portrait of his favorite philosopher on his wall at work. he's a bit shy but blunt, without being rude (the shyness probably helps take the edge off). and the only thing he ever really initiates conversation with me about is Manny Pacquiao. he looks GQ until he opens his mouth and laughs this really dorky laugh. he's a conundrum, and i like it.
a friend of mine, who is very good at ingesting information and presenting her findings in a succinct and meaningful way, once deduced that i love guys who aren't what they look like. for example, that chinese-italian guy i met at speed dating (who, coincidentally, is a friend of her family's). he looks asian, but speaks fluent italian. or the Gigolo. hot guy who has a PhD in biochemistry. i love paradoxes.
i just have to figure out how to make that work for me. not with just the Cub (if at all, as we do work together), but in general. i will certainly have fun trying.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
visions
i went to see a psychic last night. she was recommended to me by a friend of mine, who thought she was so bang-on that as soon as i could, i made an appointment. it took me two months, but my time finally came.
i thought it wasn't meant to be. first, she called me three times in the span of 24hours over the weekend to confirm the appointment (shouldn't a psychic know that i'm out of town?). that bothers me when guys do it, and it bothers me when anyone else does it too. then, even though i left in plenty of time, i ended up getting lost and being 20 minutes late for the appointment because i thought i knew the street she lived on. i didn't.
but her readings were fairly accurate. oh sure, she could've done some research on me on the internet - lord knows if you google my name, you'll find a letter i've written to the editor or something i've posted on a webpage. but she certainly couldn't find this blog and the friend that introduced me certainly never said anything to her about me.
the highlights? i have to wait a few more months for my "guy" to come and find me. i'll be 34 when we meet, and 37 when something major happens. i'll do loads and loads of travelling in my life (yay!). she said she doesn't see me having kids, which was not a surprise to me as, in recent years, i've felt i wasn't meant to have my own kids. i don't know if that rules out adoption or being a stepmom, but i'm not sure that it doesn't either. i'm going to have a long life. and i'm stubborn and don't like people touching my stuff. true.
sure, all pretty vague stuff. but just as i was getting up to leave, she took one more look at the pictures i brought with me and said, "your brother works at a warehouse?" yes. "future shop?" yes. "oh good. that logo kept popping into my head and i couldn't understand why!" she picked up on some of my friends and family and how they relate to me. some on how their lives are going to go. and she said my Luna was a bit psychic (not psycho, but she'd be right in that respect as well).
at the end, she kept saying, "i'm not worried about you. you're going to be just fine." that's worth the $90.00, if you ask me.
i believe the future is not set in stone. yes, what she predicted for me last night may very well be what is going to happen. but if i change my course, so will my future. i think the beauty of psychics, so long as you don't take them too literally, is that they give you hope for what could lie in the future. if they predict something good, then you have that chance to project that good into the universe so that the good will come to you. if they predict something bad, then you have a chance to change it.
say what you will about psychics - they're not all bad. they just shouldn't charge so darn much for their God-given gift.
i thought it wasn't meant to be. first, she called me three times in the span of 24hours over the weekend to confirm the appointment (shouldn't a psychic know that i'm out of town?). that bothers me when guys do it, and it bothers me when anyone else does it too. then, even though i left in plenty of time, i ended up getting lost and being 20 minutes late for the appointment because i thought i knew the street she lived on. i didn't.
but her readings were fairly accurate. oh sure, she could've done some research on me on the internet - lord knows if you google my name, you'll find a letter i've written to the editor or something i've posted on a webpage. but she certainly couldn't find this blog and the friend that introduced me certainly never said anything to her about me.
the highlights? i have to wait a few more months for my "guy" to come and find me. i'll be 34 when we meet, and 37 when something major happens. i'll do loads and loads of travelling in my life (yay!). she said she doesn't see me having kids, which was not a surprise to me as, in recent years, i've felt i wasn't meant to have my own kids. i don't know if that rules out adoption or being a stepmom, but i'm not sure that it doesn't either. i'm going to have a long life. and i'm stubborn and don't like people touching my stuff. true.
sure, all pretty vague stuff. but just as i was getting up to leave, she took one more look at the pictures i brought with me and said, "your brother works at a warehouse?" yes. "future shop?" yes. "oh good. that logo kept popping into my head and i couldn't understand why!" she picked up on some of my friends and family and how they relate to me. some on how their lives are going to go. and she said my Luna was a bit psychic (not psycho, but she'd be right in that respect as well).
at the end, she kept saying, "i'm not worried about you. you're going to be just fine." that's worth the $90.00, if you ask me.
i believe the future is not set in stone. yes, what she predicted for me last night may very well be what is going to happen. but if i change my course, so will my future. i think the beauty of psychics, so long as you don't take them too literally, is that they give you hope for what could lie in the future. if they predict something good, then you have that chance to project that good into the universe so that the good will come to you. if they predict something bad, then you have a chance to change it.
say what you will about psychics - they're not all bad. they just shouldn't charge so darn much for their God-given gift.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
lessons
a friend of mine at work told me that my dog would teach me a lot about myself. i agreed, but only to be polite. how wrong i was.
i was sitting on the couch one evening, beckoning Luna to join me in watching TV. she stood there, wagging her tail and looking cute, so i grabbed her and put her on the couch with me. she wriggled away and jumped off. i was slightly frustrated - we've been living together now for 3 months and i feel like she likes me a lot, but isn't connected to me yet. three months is a long time.
and then it hit me - connections take time. love takes time. trust takes time. relationships take time. OMG, my dog has just made me realize that the reason i've been unsuccessful in "finding" someone these past few years is that i want that instantaneous connection, which I'll never get. i can't force someone to love me anymore than i can force my dog to. i can't expect someone to take an interest in me if i don't appear interested in them. also, it's easy enough to put myself "out there" to earn the love of my dog - i should be making more of an effort to get myself "out there" to earn the love of another person. baby steps.
i know that this is not new to me. but like any concept, sometimes it takes awhile...in this case, years...for it to really sink in and become something i'm truly cognizant of - that i can understand fully, identify and, most importantly, own.
good girl, Luna!
p.s. if you are wondering why i'm blogging in the middle of the afternoon on a workday, i called in sick. well, i called in "not feeling great". i wasn't. i think i'm coming down with another cold (i just got over the one i had two weeks ago) so i wanted to head this one off at the pass. plus, my traps are killing me. i was hoping to get into the RMT today but she's not working. i could go to someone else, but mine knows exactly what my problem areas are and how to help. don't mess with a good thing, you know?
i could go see my cute chiro, though. but $40 for a 10 minute crack (even though it involves a lot of body manipulation and leaning into me....oooooh, yeah) is a bit much for therapy and a thrill, even for me :)
i was sitting on the couch one evening, beckoning Luna to join me in watching TV. she stood there, wagging her tail and looking cute, so i grabbed her and put her on the couch with me. she wriggled away and jumped off. i was slightly frustrated - we've been living together now for 3 months and i feel like she likes me a lot, but isn't connected to me yet. three months is a long time.
and then it hit me - connections take time. love takes time. trust takes time. relationships take time. OMG, my dog has just made me realize that the reason i've been unsuccessful in "finding" someone these past few years is that i want that instantaneous connection, which I'll never get. i can't force someone to love me anymore than i can force my dog to. i can't expect someone to take an interest in me if i don't appear interested in them. also, it's easy enough to put myself "out there" to earn the love of my dog - i should be making more of an effort to get myself "out there" to earn the love of another person. baby steps.
i know that this is not new to me. but like any concept, sometimes it takes awhile...in this case, years...for it to really sink in and become something i'm truly cognizant of - that i can understand fully, identify and, most importantly, own.
good girl, Luna!
p.s. if you are wondering why i'm blogging in the middle of the afternoon on a workday, i called in sick. well, i called in "not feeling great". i wasn't. i think i'm coming down with another cold (i just got over the one i had two weeks ago) so i wanted to head this one off at the pass. plus, my traps are killing me. i was hoping to get into the RMT today but she's not working. i could go to someone else, but mine knows exactly what my problem areas are and how to help. don't mess with a good thing, you know?
i could go see my cute chiro, though. but $40 for a 10 minute crack (even though it involves a lot of body manipulation and leaning into me....oooooh, yeah) is a bit much for therapy and a thrill, even for me :)
Sunday, September 13, 2009
too little
there was a baby shower for a paralegal friend today. when i got the invite, i noticed that Dutch was invited. i knew he would be, since he was good friends with the new dad, but i haven't seen him since their christmas party two years ago. and even then, he still didn't remember my name, although he did remember that we had met in the past.
actually, each time we've met subsequent to our initial meeting, he's always approached me and said, "hi, i don't think we've met. i'm Dutch." i fully expected that today, and briefed Mandy on our "history" so she would know when we got there.
he came in with his new wife (they got married last summer). he took a seat beside the girl i was sitting beside. when i turned to look at him, he (i think) gave me a look and said, "hi, CG." OMG. he actually remembered my name. we didn't chat much, but i made sure to make my presence known, if you know what i mean. i'd get up to get something from the food table, or get up to get a toy for one of the kids.
he won a box of chocolates in one of the party games we played and decided to share. he turned to the girl beside me and said, "why don't i pass it down this way first?" and the girl beside me said, "don't you want to give your wife first crack at it?"
when he left, he gave me that look again and said, "it was nice to see you again, CG. i'm sure i'll see you again at another function."
when Mandy and I left, the first thing she said was, "holy, was Dutch ever checking you out! everytime you got up, he'd give you the up and down look. at one point, i wanted to say to him, 'just go and do her in the bathroom already!'" i would've been okay with that, but i don't think his wife would've been. plus, it was a kids' party.
what is wrong with men? obviously he wasn't attracted enough to me to ask me out the previous times we'd met but really? in front of your wife? oy.
actually, each time we've met subsequent to our initial meeting, he's always approached me and said, "hi, i don't think we've met. i'm Dutch." i fully expected that today, and briefed Mandy on our "history" so she would know when we got there.
he came in with his new wife (they got married last summer). he took a seat beside the girl i was sitting beside. when i turned to look at him, he (i think) gave me a look and said, "hi, CG." OMG. he actually remembered my name. we didn't chat much, but i made sure to make my presence known, if you know what i mean. i'd get up to get something from the food table, or get up to get a toy for one of the kids.
he won a box of chocolates in one of the party games we played and decided to share. he turned to the girl beside me and said, "why don't i pass it down this way first?" and the girl beside me said, "don't you want to give your wife first crack at it?"
when he left, he gave me that look again and said, "it was nice to see you again, CG. i'm sure i'll see you again at another function."
when Mandy and I left, the first thing she said was, "holy, was Dutch ever checking you out! everytime you got up, he'd give you the up and down look. at one point, i wanted to say to him, 'just go and do her in the bathroom already!'" i would've been okay with that, but i don't think his wife would've been. plus, it was a kids' party.
what is wrong with men? obviously he wasn't attracted enough to me to ask me out the previous times we'd met but really? in front of your wife? oy.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
done
perhaps i'm feeling a bit PMS-y, but i think i'm done inviting Doc Tardy to things. i know she has family obligations, but it's getting ridiculous. even though she said she would go to the movie in the park on saturday, at the last minute, she said she still had houseguests from her brother's wedding last week so she had to entertain them (excuse me? it's her brother's guest - what does that have to do with her?). she's backed out of going to whistler to go to italy again (yes, i know it's italy but this is the third time in a year...with her mom...to take care of her uncle's estate. not a vacation). she complains that she doesn't get out enough. she complains that her parents take up so much of her free time. she complains her brother doesn't help out enough. she complains she isn't meeting any eligible men. she complains she isn't having enough fun. guess what? it's her fault. oh, but she says she's knows, she knows.
i'm done inviting her out places. everyone else can if they want, but i'm done.
i'm done inviting her out places. everyone else can if they want, but i'm done.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
deja here we go again
i met this guy on the fishing website. actually, i had marked him as a favorite, intending to re-read his profile to see if i wanted to message him. i had doubts, mainly because he was one of those tall, wiry guys and we know how i look next to them. but he beat me to it. the next day, he had sent me a message that said:
"thanks for the compliment of adding me to your favorites. You are clearly beautiful and your profile sounds terrific.I look forward to finding out which of the available options made you add me as a favorite! :) All my best..."
i was very, very intrigued. we traded a couple of messages back and forth and decided to meet for coffee the next week, meaning this past thursday.
to make a long story short, it was really nice. i really liked him. it was slightly awkward but we had a lot in common and he was a genuinely nice guy. kind of geeky but really cute at the same time. really good sense of humor. tall and lanky but i could get over the lanky part because of the dark hair and blue eyes. we made plans to get together again next week and parted ways.
i sent him my usual text the next day, just re-iterating that i had a good time. he said the same and i returned the text with asking him whether he was free that sunday or the following one. he never answered it.
i pow-wowed with Mon and she said i should just phone him. when i got home from my walk this evening with Luna, i was ready to pick up the phone. but i decided to check my e-mail first, even though i have hidden my profile on the fishing site and was no longer getting e-mails. and he sent me one. i had hope. it said:
"I had a great time last week, but I had a second and third date with someone else, and we've decided to become exclusive. I'm jut about to delete my profile.Thanks for a great time, and good luck!"
AGAIN? REALLY? this is the third time this year that i've connected with someone and they've picked someone else, and about the six or seventh time in my dating history that it's happened. Really?
i must have really shitty dating karma.
"thanks for the compliment of adding me to your favorites. You are clearly beautiful and your profile sounds terrific.I look forward to finding out which of the available options made you add me as a favorite! :) All my best..."
i was very, very intrigued. we traded a couple of messages back and forth and decided to meet for coffee the next week, meaning this past thursday.
to make a long story short, it was really nice. i really liked him. it was slightly awkward but we had a lot in common and he was a genuinely nice guy. kind of geeky but really cute at the same time. really good sense of humor. tall and lanky but i could get over the lanky part because of the dark hair and blue eyes. we made plans to get together again next week and parted ways.
i sent him my usual text the next day, just re-iterating that i had a good time. he said the same and i returned the text with asking him whether he was free that sunday or the following one. he never answered it.
i pow-wowed with Mon and she said i should just phone him. when i got home from my walk this evening with Luna, i was ready to pick up the phone. but i decided to check my e-mail first, even though i have hidden my profile on the fishing site and was no longer getting e-mails. and he sent me one. i had hope. it said:
"I had a great time last week, but I had a second and third date with someone else, and we've decided to become exclusive. I'm jut about to delete my profile.Thanks for a great time, and good luck!"
AGAIN? REALLY? this is the third time this year that i've connected with someone and they've picked someone else, and about the six or seventh time in my dating history that it's happened. Really?
i must have really shitty dating karma.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
re-think
i recently re-took an online version of the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test and discovered that i have changed. for so many years, i my type has always been INFJ (introverted-intuitive-feeling-judging). it's a very rare type (i think i prided myself on it).
when i re-took it, i ended up being an ISFJ (introverted-sensing-feeling-judging). the description i found on the internet made so much more sense - it was basically a portrait of me:
http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html
even the career suggestions included mine. i was pleased. until i found the link that said which MB type i should be with - ESFP (extraverted-sensing-feeling-perceiving) or ESTP (extraverted-sensing-thinking-perceiving). extraverts? really? i mean, i know i need someone who is more outgoing than i am, but an extravert?
oddly enough, in my online dating exploits, i've specifically avoided men who were in sales, marketing or actors. and who are ESFPs or ESTPs? Salesmen, marketers and performers. Oy.
when i re-took it, i ended up being an ISFJ (introverted-sensing-feeling-judging). the description i found on the internet made so much more sense - it was basically a portrait of me:
http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html
even the career suggestions included mine. i was pleased. until i found the link that said which MB type i should be with - ESFP (extraverted-sensing-feeling-perceiving) or ESTP (extraverted-sensing-thinking-perceiving). extraverts? really? i mean, i know i need someone who is more outgoing than i am, but an extravert?
oddly enough, in my online dating exploits, i've specifically avoided men who were in sales, marketing or actors. and who are ESFPs or ESTPs? Salesmen, marketers and performers. Oy.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
humid
ugh, it's humid. there was a storm last night. i was not pleased. i haven't had to deal with thunderstorms here in at least five years so being at an outdoor festival was not a good combo.
i should have known. it was humid and hot for most of the morning yesterday and then by the afternoon when we were heading out to the festival, it had cooled down quite a bit. i had hoped the rain and storm would hold off until i got home, but as i was not in 100% control of when we left or what we did after the festival, i literally had to weather the storm. we ended up at a coffee shop in north van where Doc Tardy was being set up with Magpie's friend's brother. it was raining when we got there but within 20 minutes of us sitting down, the lightning started. and i had a mini-meltdown in the washroom. seriously, i need hypnosis.
we waited it out for a couple of hours and then the whole business of me getting home in the dark started to worry me. couple that we me having to take Luna out for her evening washroom break before bed and i was not a happy camper.
don't laugh, but when i got home, i called my brother. he and my dad were on their way home from my Lola's house, so i asked them to come by to walk Luna. my dad obliged and they ended up staying for a hour and a half. my dad really likes my dog.
hopefully today is better. it's sunny out there with nary a cloud in the sky but it's humid again. please storm at night when i'm sleeping, if it has to storm at all!
i should have known. it was humid and hot for most of the morning yesterday and then by the afternoon when we were heading out to the festival, it had cooled down quite a bit. i had hoped the rain and storm would hold off until i got home, but as i was not in 100% control of when we left or what we did after the festival, i literally had to weather the storm. we ended up at a coffee shop in north van where Doc Tardy was being set up with Magpie's friend's brother. it was raining when we got there but within 20 minutes of us sitting down, the lightning started. and i had a mini-meltdown in the washroom. seriously, i need hypnosis.
we waited it out for a couple of hours and then the whole business of me getting home in the dark started to worry me. couple that we me having to take Luna out for her evening washroom break before bed and i was not a happy camper.
don't laugh, but when i got home, i called my brother. he and my dad were on their way home from my Lola's house, so i asked them to come by to walk Luna. my dad obliged and they ended up staying for a hour and a half. my dad really likes my dog.
hopefully today is better. it's sunny out there with nary a cloud in the sky but it's humid again. please storm at night when i'm sleeping, if it has to storm at all!
Monday, July 20, 2009
friends
my dad called me the other day and told me about the packages he was offered by his company. he read out the three options and i immediately said, "dad, you gotta call mom. i know nothing about this stuff."
apparently he did. and apparently, they're friends now. weird.
i think Luna has something to do with it - he's got something to take care of again, which gives him a sense of purpose everyday (my underlying reason of getting her, afterall). second, now that he's not working anymore, he doesn't take as many painkillers as he used to, so he's detoxed and is no longer House-like in his moods.
my mom said he offered her a ride to my grandma's birthday party on saturday and then said she could use the car whenever she needed one, so she wouldn't have to rent one anymore. weird, right?
i'm glad he's finally come around. it's hard having one parent despise the other. hopefully it lasts.
apparently he did. and apparently, they're friends now. weird.
i think Luna has something to do with it - he's got something to take care of again, which gives him a sense of purpose everyday (my underlying reason of getting her, afterall). second, now that he's not working anymore, he doesn't take as many painkillers as he used to, so he's detoxed and is no longer House-like in his moods.
my mom said he offered her a ride to my grandma's birthday party on saturday and then said she could use the car whenever she needed one, so she wouldn't have to rent one anymore. weird, right?
i'm glad he's finally come around. it's hard having one parent despise the other. hopefully it lasts.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
end of an era
i phoned my dad this evening just to tell him that there was a good sale on Purex toilet paper at Extra foods (12 double 3-ply rolls for $4.96 - a steal!). i then asked him how he was doing and he told me that, after much consideration, he's decided to stop working.
he's been a physical laborer ever since we moved here 31 years ago and that's a long time to be thrashing your body around. he only had 2 years to retirement but he says that his company is going to start offering packages to people who are close to retirement. hopefully they offer him something good.
in the meantime, he's applied for disability. i asked him whether he could afford to do that, quit working, and he said, "what choice do i have?"
had my parents stayed together, he'd have retired with less worry than he has to now. he would have done it because he was ready, not because he physically couldn't work anymore. he told me he emailed my mom to let her know. i haven't had a chance to talk to her yet, but i'm interested to hear what she has to say.
i told him i would hire him as my dog walker and he laughed. i know he'll enjoy spending time with Luna, as well as having something to do everyday. it won't be much, but at least he'll be getting out. i told him he should look into doing it as a part-time job. at $10 a pooch, 5 days a week, he'd be just fine.
i really am getting older. it's weird. and really scary.
he's been a physical laborer ever since we moved here 31 years ago and that's a long time to be thrashing your body around. he only had 2 years to retirement but he says that his company is going to start offering packages to people who are close to retirement. hopefully they offer him something good.
in the meantime, he's applied for disability. i asked him whether he could afford to do that, quit working, and he said, "what choice do i have?"
had my parents stayed together, he'd have retired with less worry than he has to now. he would have done it because he was ready, not because he physically couldn't work anymore. he told me he emailed my mom to let her know. i haven't had a chance to talk to her yet, but i'm interested to hear what she has to say.
i told him i would hire him as my dog walker and he laughed. i know he'll enjoy spending time with Luna, as well as having something to do everyday. it won't be much, but at least he'll be getting out. i told him he should look into doing it as a part-time job. at $10 a pooch, 5 days a week, he'd be just fine.
i really am getting older. it's weird. and really scary.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
reality
i was flipping channels and came upon the end of a show where the main character (i'm assuming, since she was doing the final, Wonder Years-esque voice-over) watched as her mom was sentenced to spend a month in a rehab facililty. the voice-over said something about how the fog of childhood lifts when you finally see your parents as people, and not just your parents. how true that is.
it's become readily apparent to me in the past four years that the fog has lifted and just like Jimmy Cliff, i can see clearly now. or at least, a little more clear.
i think my dad is sinking into a deeper depression. i didn't want to believe he was depressed before, but there's no other way i can describe it. i've asked The Angels whether i should intervene and try to help him, and they said no. i understand - he's a big boy and can take care of himself. but that doesn't mean it doesn't worry me.
it's not that i think he'll do anything to harm himself. i think he just wants people to feel sorry for him, which is pretty sad in itself. i know he sees himself as a victim of the separation. he hears about my mom spending three weeks in Europe after having spent three weeks earlier this year in the Philippines and i know he's bitter. or jealous. or angry. or something. but he sloughs everything off like it's nothing. but you can just feel that it's eating away at him.
i have the opportunity to get a dog for free, basically. i know it's not the right time for me, but i have this feeling that if i get the dog, and if my dad warms up to it, then perhaps the dog might be some built-in therapy for him. something that accepts him for who he is, but loves him unconditionally anyway - you know, what my mom couldn't do for him. i think he just needs someone or something to care about again.
it's a bit of a risk, getting a dog and hoping that it will help my dad emotionally, but i think i'm willing to do it. it'll probably help me out a little too.
it's become readily apparent to me in the past four years that the fog has lifted and just like Jimmy Cliff, i can see clearly now. or at least, a little more clear.
i think my dad is sinking into a deeper depression. i didn't want to believe he was depressed before, but there's no other way i can describe it. i've asked The Angels whether i should intervene and try to help him, and they said no. i understand - he's a big boy and can take care of himself. but that doesn't mean it doesn't worry me.
it's not that i think he'll do anything to harm himself. i think he just wants people to feel sorry for him, which is pretty sad in itself. i know he sees himself as a victim of the separation. he hears about my mom spending three weeks in Europe after having spent three weeks earlier this year in the Philippines and i know he's bitter. or jealous. or angry. or something. but he sloughs everything off like it's nothing. but you can just feel that it's eating away at him.
i have the opportunity to get a dog for free, basically. i know it's not the right time for me, but i have this feeling that if i get the dog, and if my dad warms up to it, then perhaps the dog might be some built-in therapy for him. something that accepts him for who he is, but loves him unconditionally anyway - you know, what my mom couldn't do for him. i think he just needs someone or something to care about again.
it's a bit of a risk, getting a dog and hoping that it will help my dad emotionally, but i think i'm willing to do it. it'll probably help me out a little too.
Monday, June 15, 2009
in touch
George suggested a lunch for all us girls for this past saturday. she had thrown out white rock, which i loved. i responded to the e-mail and said, "that's great! i was going to suggest lonsdale because of this artisan market that will be there, but white rock is good too!" and of course, everyone else said, "both sound good. doesn't matter to me." i was so ticked off, i purposefully didn't respond until saturday morning.
by then, the responses were all pointing towards lonsdale, so we all made our plans. George parked her car at my building and we walked to the skytrain together. we then took the seabus (which i've never taken) to the Quay. we did a bit of a wander whilst waiting for Doc Tardy and T to show up. once we were all together, we picked a restaurant for lunch and sat on the patio. we chatted and ate and chatted. then we wandered around the shops, ending up in a little jewelry store specializing in local, Canadian artists. we all ended up buying rings and T and George ended up buying earrings and necklaces to go with their rings. then we drove to park royal village and did a bit more shopping there. we ended the afternoon with a coffee and then Doc drove us to the skytrain. it was probably one of the best days i've spent in a really long time. and i almost didn't end up going because of how stubborn i am.
i think .... i know over the years, i've tended to turn inwards for everything because i haven't wanted to deal with the rejection from friends or potential dates or family. it's made me a colder person. i don't think i'm a cold person, but i now come across that way because of this fear of failure and rejection that i have. it's weird.
and even though i was at work today until 5:30, i did spend some time with Mon, just chatting but also building the bond we have started to form. it sounds a bit corny when i say it, but ultimately that's what is happening. i know she's looking for a new attachment now that A is gone, but that doesn't mean i'm second or a consolation prize. it just means she now has time to get to know me and vice-versa.
in a weird way, spending more time at work is fostering new friendships and strengthening existing ones. but it probably also means my work suffers a little too :)
speaking of work, the new guy started today. OMG, is he ever adorable! we called him hot new guy behind his back but now that i've gotten a good look at him, he is just so adorable, there's no way i can call him hot, or even be hot for him. the 7 year age difference probably helps keep my hormones in check too. seriously, he is so cute, i want to pinch his cheeks. and no, not those ones.
by then, the responses were all pointing towards lonsdale, so we all made our plans. George parked her car at my building and we walked to the skytrain together. we then took the seabus (which i've never taken) to the Quay. we did a bit of a wander whilst waiting for Doc Tardy and T to show up. once we were all together, we picked a restaurant for lunch and sat on the patio. we chatted and ate and chatted. then we wandered around the shops, ending up in a little jewelry store specializing in local, Canadian artists. we all ended up buying rings and T and George ended up buying earrings and necklaces to go with their rings. then we drove to park royal village and did a bit more shopping there. we ended the afternoon with a coffee and then Doc drove us to the skytrain. it was probably one of the best days i've spent in a really long time. and i almost didn't end up going because of how stubborn i am.
i think .... i know over the years, i've tended to turn inwards for everything because i haven't wanted to deal with the rejection from friends or potential dates or family. it's made me a colder person. i don't think i'm a cold person, but i now come across that way because of this fear of failure and rejection that i have. it's weird.
and even though i was at work today until 5:30, i did spend some time with Mon, just chatting but also building the bond we have started to form. it sounds a bit corny when i say it, but ultimately that's what is happening. i know she's looking for a new attachment now that A is gone, but that doesn't mean i'm second or a consolation prize. it just means she now has time to get to know me and vice-versa.
in a weird way, spending more time at work is fostering new friendships and strengthening existing ones. but it probably also means my work suffers a little too :)
speaking of work, the new guy started today. OMG, is he ever adorable! we called him hot new guy behind his back but now that i've gotten a good look at him, he is just so adorable, there's no way i can call him hot, or even be hot for him. the 7 year age difference probably helps keep my hormones in check too. seriously, he is so cute, i want to pinch his cheeks. and no, not those ones.
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