lazy

i'm supposed to be prepping for my classes. instead, i'm playing the Sims. i knew it was a bad idea to load it onto my computer!

a few more days until i'm in san fran. honestly, i just want to hang out, see a couple of sights, and relax. and maybe work on my "meeting people" skills. hard to do with two otherwise taken friends!

i had a gigantic bowl of fruit for dinner. i cut up some peaches, strawberries, and tossed in some raspberries and blueberries. it was so delish. but then i got hungry (it's mostly water, you know) so i had two slices of garlic bread. i've been practically living on garlic bread lately. and fruit. what a combo.

i believe it's going to rain tonight and for the next two days. too bad i have to go to work.

sing-a-long mamma mia is out on friday. i don't know how long it's being released for. if it's only for the week, then i'd better see it on friday. if not, maybe next week while i'm in SF. or, when i get back.

after seeing my doctor again today, i believe it is neither diabetes nor a neurological problem that is causing my taste issues. i have a feeling it's permanent. but as long as it's not Parkinson's or MS or Alzheimer's or any other neurodegenerative disease, then i think i'm okay with that.

i wonder if it has to do with my stainless steel water bottle. if so, the Mother is so going to hear from me!

the weirdest part is that sometimes, i can't tell if i'm hungry or not. i'll feel hungry, but then i see food and i'm not hungry anymore. maybe it's a Pavlovian response - i know the food isn't going to taste right so i'd rather no eat it. funny how that works.

i had a great idea for a new story and i started writing it. and now i've stalled again. oh, the challenges of being a writer.

i managed to stop myself from buying a book today. it was very tempting, and i was walking around the store with it in my hand, but once i neared the cashier, i turned around and put it back on the shelf. sometimes, i can guilt myself into being sensible. sometimes.

you know what's the worst part about not being able to taste things properly? yes, it's the not being able to taste things properly but it's also the frustration-aspect. for 32 years, i've eaten what i've eaten and it's always tasted the same. and then one day, i wake up and it's not the same. do you know how frustrating that is? my favorite hamburger at mcdonald's is no longer deliciously bad - it's just bad! i love spaghetti bolognese, which is a tomato-based sauce and now, it just tastes like something sweet that's been sitting in the sun for too long. ketchup - why bother? whole wheat bread doesn't taste like anything. and don't even talk to me about chocolate, cake and doughnuts because that will just make me cry.

it's like if one day, you woke up and the sky was yellow but everyone was telling you that it was still blue. after awhile, you give up trying to fight it and just accept your reality for what it is.

a few months ago, i decided my mantra would be "i want to be thin". apparently, i just had to be more specific on how i would get there! "be careful what you wish for" has never been more true for me than now.