pangs

i was sitting in the lunchroom today at a table with my OC and another lady we work with. my OC was reading through the financial pages, i was struggling over my crosswords and the NAML came over to sit with us once everyone else had left. she knows about my crush and she's a bit of a talker so i was a bit worried about what was about to be said.

it turned out that the conversation was pretty tame - although she did press him about the wedding he had attended on the weekend, whether he had met anyone, why he hadn't made any connections there, etc. at one point, he had said, "i had a few opportunities but i didn't take any of them." she scolded him for not seizing the opportunity and asked him why. he said, "i'm shy. i couldn't do it."

then she started telling us about this guy that she saw on the way home on the ferry. she said to me, "i've never felt this way before but it was like love at first sight. have you ever felt like that?" initially, i thought no. and then she went on to describe how she felt, "it's like the minute i laid eyes on him, i knew i wanted to be with him. i felt completely drawn to him and i knew i just wanted to talk to him." it turned out she didn't have the guts to because he was with a group of guy friends but her description of how she felt hit home with me, and not in an unpleasant way but in the end, it made me feel really kind of sad for awhile.

i remember the first time i saw my ex. i was walking into the dispatch area to bring one of the dispatchers a note and he was sitting at one of the new computers, staring at the screen. i did triple take. and then i made every possible excuse to walk by him for the rest of the day. he didn't look at me once. the first time i ever exchanged words with him, i was covering at reception. i was on the phone with a customer and saw him from the corner of my eye, waiting patiently for me to get off the phone (i think i passed off the customer to a salesman pretty quick). i turned to him and smiled (maybe even managed a 'hi') and he said, "do you have any glass cleaner? i thought there was some in one of the cupboards up here." i managed to point to a cupboard behind me that was under one of the counters and he smiled and said thanks. i didn't even get it for him (but i got to watch him bend over).

yeah, i know that feeling. i'd kill to have that feeling again.