music therapy

i made a new playlist (the 2010 version of a mega mix-tape) called "I Love This Song!" i like themes when i make a new playlist and always give it a kooky name. i've been wanting to make this particular one for awhile, but it just took time to go through my entire list of songs and sort through.

i've been listening to it as i pack for mexico and everytime a new song starts, i say, "oh, i love this song!" and then i laugh. because i don't actually mean to be funny when i say i love this song, but it's why i made the playlist. i love all of my music but there are some songs that i absolutely love. my poor neighbours have had to listen to me sing all night.

not to be confused with my playlist, "Karaoke Wish List".

i miss my iPod. and i miss my little Lunatic.

i dropped her off at my dad's place at about 5 because i have to leave a an ungodly hour tomorrow morning and didn't want to have to fuss with her morning routine and then get me out the door in time. but i miss her! it's so weird. i didn't believe Sands when she said i would grow to love Luna. i laughed at all of those crazy dog people that talked about their dogs all the time. i don't talk about her very much but when i walked to my car after dropping her off, i started to tear up. i didn't actually cry, but i got emotional. i guess it doesn't help that i am very anxious about leaving her with my dad.

i called him about an hour or so later and asked him how she was. he said she played with him for a little while, but then she went to her kennel and won't come out. it breaks my heart. i think he's a little put off too. he doesn't take rejection well. i wonder where i get it from.

i assured him that she would be out of sorts for a couple of days but by monday, she'd be fine. i hope i'm not lying.

surface

i really shouldn't read into things. but i do.

our cute little associate, Bertrand, was away again last Friday. he had gone up to Whistler the weekend before and then before that had taken a personal day because he was feeling stressed. i call him "delicate". he's adorable.

there was a recurring event in my calendar that he was to be looking after but i wasn't sure if it was a past event or something coming up. i sent him an e-mail just asking whether or not he had dealt with it. i got the bounce back email saying he was away until monday and wouldn't have access to his e-mail. i didn't think too much of it.

ten minutes later, i get a message from him from his brand new BlackBerry, saying he had dealt with the matter. because i like to flirt with him, even though he's 8 years my junior in age and about 15 years my junior in how he acts sometimes, i sent him a note back that said something like, "thanks. i'll delete the rest of these reminders. miss your smiley face today. the office is dark without you. have a good weekend." i received no response back. i didn't think much of it either.

on tuesday, i was in the lunchroom with Sands and she said, "so, was that Bertran's dad that died?" whuh? she explained that he had apparently been back east on the weekend and that she had seen an obit in the paper with a guy who shared the same last name as Bertrand and listed Bertrand as a surviving child. when i got home, i did my own internet search and found the obit.

he looks just like his dad. i felt so bad for him. no one should lose their parent at 25 and the obit said that it was a sudden death. it must've been a heart attack or something.

anyway, that was last night. i was trying to get to sleep and something was just gnawing at me. and then i realized, it was the cheeky e-mail i sent to Bertrand on friday. i told him to have a good weekend for crying out loud! i knew he wouldn't take it the wrong way as really, he hadn't told anyone why he was away. he didn't even mention it when he got back. i'm not even sure his assistant knows why he was gone. but because i'm me i couldn't let it go.

i sent him an email on facebook (we're not friends, but i've sent him a message before at Christmas - flirty, of course). it said, "had i known why you were away on friday, i never would've sent you such a cheeky message. i'm very sorry for your loss. if you need an ear, i have two."

i didn't see him at all today and didn't get a response until after i got home from choir. it said, and i quote, "no worries. hearing from you, even in a cheeky manner, brings a smile to my face (wow, that is cheesy)."

is that sweet or what? but, uh, do you think he's being flirty too? he doesn't normally, which is fine. i've determined that since i'm a full generation older than him that i can sexually harrass him without much worry.

in my twisted head, of course, i see it as he's finally realizing that i'm the perfect woman for him, now that he sees i'm interested in someone else. in reality, it's just because he's such a sweet guy. ah, fantasy.

i remember

i remember why i don't like to crush on people (for real) at work. when something adverse happens...anything...i get mopey and miserable.

today, i received confirmation that my Crush is switching offices. not sure when, but it's going to happen. you'd think it was because he somehow ended up in the spare, corner-office. no student or associate should get a corner office. and yet, he's moving to Mon's old office, which is a corner office. just on the opposite corner to me.

it made me wonder whether the move was precipitated by the fact that he's always chatting with me. perhaps the partner that sits near us that often catches us chatting (albeit always about work, because he hasn't figured out how to chat with me about anything else) has caught on that there's a bit of interest on both of our parts. (not convinced about the interest on his part, or perhaps i don't want to get my hopes up). in any event, when i heard about it, i got really sulky. for once, it didn't last long, but it did happen.

i even went so far as to say to him before i left, "so, you're moving??" and he said, "yeah, you didn't know? i don't know when, but Scrooge told me i was moving. he said as much as he liked having me down here, i had to go!" curious.

what this means for me is that i'll have to try harder when it comes to flirting with him. we went out for lunch the other day (because i asked him) and i'm getting more and more comfortable with him, just chatting and teasing him about stuff. i whined at him today (my first whine!) that it felt like i hadn't seen him all day, he'd been so busy.

my worst fear, of course, is that once they hire the new girl (because the new girl has given her notice and so they have to hire a new girl to replace the new girl), they'll end up hiring someone cute and his age and much more forward than i am (it'll be like history repeating itself, over and over again), and they'll end up dating and of course, because it's me, he'll end up marrying her. oy. and i wonder why i've avoided dating for so long.

well, i have some time to work on it. oh wait, i leave for Mexico in four work days! i wonder if he'll miss me while i'm gone. or if i'll have any candy left in my candy dish when i get back. i'm quite certain he's the candy thief, but that's okay with me.

and so it begins. again.

inspiration

i was taking the Lunatic out for her last evening walk and as she sniffed the grass, i looked up to the tree above me. it's a cherry blossom tree in bloom. i adjusted my eyes to see the pale pink blooms contrast against the blue-black sky and thought, "i need to write a haiku." so i did:

With my eyes skyward
Blossoms against the dark sky
Pink arms outstretched

it's not much, but it's a reminder that i don't need to be depressed to write poetry. inspiration is all around me!

i kind of miss writing poetry. my running joke (to myself, because no one ever asks me why i don't write poetry anymore!) is that i used to write a lot of poetry, but now i'm much happier.

i've always been about writing when inspired and maybe this means i'm ready to be inspired again.

money talks

why do i do it? Mon's last day at the firm was on friday and we had a long talk at the end of the day about the partners and the firm. the new firm she's going to is paying her 40% more than she makes where i am. and it made me think: are they underpaying me too?

cut to saturday night nachos with the Duckster and A. i knew i couldn't just out and ask the Duckster how much money she made because she's very private about that stuff. however, she also doesn't like to know that people are getting screwed over when they deserve more. so i hedged a bet and started talking about Mon and how much more she'd be making and how i wondered what i should be making. she out and out told me what she makes and A chimed in with her salary (although hers isn't comparable to mine as we don't work in the same area of law and she has years more experience as a legal secretary than i do). they both make about $12,000.00 a year more than me. i think that's substantial. no wonder A can afford to travel so much!

Duckster also told me what her bonus was last year and again, over $3000.00 more than i got, and i thought i got a lot. now, i think her bonus was a lot but fuuuuuuuuuucck. she made a lot more too.

all day, i've been thinking about how if i don't get a raise this year and i don't get a bonus, then that's it. i was saddened to hear how Mon was treated by the partners in the last two weeks (it was like a bad breakup where you still had to deal with each other - very petty and childish behaviour on some of the partners' parts). is the firm as good as i think it is or are my glasses extra rosy?

i may not get much of a raise this year, if at all (although i should, because i'm at 5 years now), but i should damn well get a good bonus. i practically billed my entire salary last year - they got all my hard work for free, basically. they owe me something big.

i guess we'll see. i hate that i get hung up on this stuff. it should be good enough that i love my job and most of the people i work with. but it sucks that i can only just cover bills and make paltry contributions to various savings and RRSPs, having only a little left over for the week for incidentals.

then again, you can't take any of it with you so why get hung up on the fact that i can't buy more clothes or more purses or more shoes. i don't have anywhere to put them anyway.

but if i made more money, i could buy a bigger place and have more storage. sigh.

junk

i was watching my favorite CBC program, The Hour, with Strombo (i love him) and he did this quickie report about how addictive junk food really is. something to do with rats and how the control rats didn't go for the healthy food when the red light was on because they knew they would get a shock but the experiment rats would continually get shocked, even though they knew they were going to, because they were jonesing so bad for the crap.

i totally get it. i always say, "okay, you know what, i'm just going to finish this bag of mini- Reeses peanut butter cups because then i can just start afresh." but then the PBCs turn into a pint of ice cream or a bag of chips and all of a sudden, i'm struggling to do up my pants again.

no, no, my friend. i must stop now. just as soon as i finish this bag of mini creme eggs. seriously, there's only two left. ugh, weekly weigh in time. this is not going to be pretty.

cocky

i'm eating again. it's because i fit into shit that i haven't been able to wear in years. so somehow, that tells my mind that i need to start eating junky food again. it doesn't help that it's Easter and all of my favorite junky chocolates are available at every turn. i've been doing jumping jacks and shadow sparring in between commercial breaks (because i'm also just sitting on my arse watching TV while i eat), just to feel like i haven't completely lost motivation.

it doesn't help that i stopped recording what i eat everyday. i'm still doing my sunday evening weigh-in and recording my measurements, but i was far more careful about what i ate when i had to remain conscious of it.

at least i've selected healthy choices for easter dinner, that i'm preparing for my parents. roast, salmon, yams, carrots. i need some green in there too so i think i'll do asparagus.

it doesn't help that i have a bad cold so taking Luna for her walks has been reduced to up and down the block again because i'm having trouble keeping my breath. that and i have to blow my nose every half block.

not excuses, just reasons. and now i can start over again. just as soon as i finish this bag of mini-creme eggs.

sweats

i'm sick. i struggled into work this morning (against my gut feeling that i should stay home) and ended up leaving at 10. slept on the couch for a good part of the early afternoon and then read and hydrated for the rest of the day.

when i got dressed this morning, i put on tights under my pants (unheard of) because i was cold. i had a tank top under my sweater. by 9 am, i was in the washroom, peeling my extra layers off because i was sweating. i just thought it was warm. i realized it might be time to go home when i started sweating while sitting in my chair.

i don't recall being this sick for a long time. the last time i called in "sick", i was feeling not great, but i could've gone in. in fact, by 10 am that day, i was feeling better and should've gone in. this time, totally different. i'm achy and sweaty. i sound like Barry White with a cold. i've pretty much emptied out my nasal cavities several times over throughout the day. my nose is raw (and that's using Puffs with Lotion! imagine if i had used regular tissue!). my eyes hurt and are watery. i'm coughing. and i can't hear very well. what?

i'm hoping i feel better tomorrow. i hate missing work.

rugged

i read somewhere that when a woman is on the Pill, she is attracted to men that have more feminine qualities - pretty face, lean body, less hairy. conversely, women who are not on the Pill were supposed to be attracted to the complete opposite type of man - beefy, rugged, hairy. i never believed this theory, until now.

you know my type - blonde, blue-eyed, athletic build, short-cropped hair, clean-shaven. muscular has never been something i've been attracted to.

and yet, my long-standing celebrity obsession has been Dwayne Johnson. my newest crush at work is 6'2", broad and muscular. i've been more attracted to men that have a day's worth of growth on their chin (i went to work today to do some OT and 3 of the men had a day-old beard and each one was sexy in their own right because of it....rawr!).

don't get me wrong - my pretty boys still get my attention. but it's like a switch was flipped in my head and, although i still love to look at them, my belief that pretty boys are the ones I should be dating is no longer that strong. I would look ridiculous next to them! i don't want to compete with who has more hair care products, you know?

i like rugged men now. rugged men, not pretty boys. except my new work-crush is still four years younger than me :)

freebie

i was napping on the couch on saturday when i was woken up by my phone. i saw the number was not one i recognized, so i went back to sleep. about half an hour later, i get up and see that the unknown number has left message. it was a recorded voice, saying that my debit card had been cancelled and to go to my nearest bank to get a new one. since i was going out that night, i figured i should get my ass to the bank.

turns out i was a victim of debit card skimming. the jerks made a total of 3 separate transactions - 2 $100 withdrawals and then, get this, $1000 deposit.

i went to the bank and they refunded my $200. they gave me a new bank card and i went on my way. i just checked my bank account and the $1000 is still in there.

so, do i get to keep it???

HVD

i find it interesting to note that i don't have one Valentine's Day entry in any of the years i've been blogging on this site. weird, eh?

not so weird, considering that the last time i had a Valentine, i was trying to break up with him. i like to think that i've moved onwards and upwards since then. into the stratasphere, if comparisons must be made.

honestly, i kept forgetting that it was this weekend. i was at the mall near my office on thursday and i kept seeing people carrying Purdy's bags. i wondered, "what's the draw with the chocolate right now? are they selling Olympic chocolate or something?" and then i walked the red velvet heart and silhouetted Cupid decorations and realized,"Ah. It's Valentine's Day this weekend."

i went shopping. bought my new rainboots and another pair of shoes (i know, i have a problem). i then went and had lunch (2 slices of pizza but i still came in close to my goal caloric intake today so i consider that pretty darn good). then i went grocery shopping. and then i took my Lunatic for a long walk, as it was such a gorgeous day today. and now, i write before bed and after my weekly weigh in. and i have nothing to say. except that the scale we used on Friday must be wonky because if it's not, i've already lost 4 lbs.

HVD. and good night.

biggest loser

the cousins have finally decided to do the biggest loser: Canada edition. our cousins in the States have been doing it for about 3 or 4 years now and we decided to undertake it here. if it goes well, next year we'll be doing Team USA vs. Team Canada. lol.

i was not pleased with my weigh-in last night but i guess the more i weigh, the better it is in the end. i would like to lose 25 lbs in the 10 weeks. i think that's doable. i'm going to keep a journal, not online, with my weekly weigh ins and measurements (we're not keeping track of measurements for the competition but since that's all i really care about, i'm going to, for me). but today, i enjoy my final hours of gluttony and sloth.

bring on dessert!

blue

on Wednesday, i had a serious case of the blues. it was frustrating, because there really was no reason for it. as the day went on, i felt worse and worse, so much so that i skipped out on going to choir practice (research shows that singing boosts seratonin levels). not even my little Lunatic made me feel better, although she did try her hardest at being uber-cute and charming.

when i woke up the next morning, i felt only slightly better, which is unusual. i can usually sleep off any negative feelings. i felt better as the day went on and by Friday, i was back to normal. but it still bugs me - what was i blue about?

it wasn't depression. it wasn't that ache that makes me want to cry. it wasn't even sadness. it was just a general feeling of blah. the feeling that makes you want to stare out of a window for hours on end at nothing in particular. a feeling of disinterestedness, of detachment.

maybe it is just a case of the january blues. holidays are over, everything is back to normal. the first long weekend isn't until april. the rain is back. i can see why people get sad this time of year. it's still in the back of my mind, anyway.

but, the olympics are in 2 weeks, the visitors and athletes are slowly starting to trickle in and the energy in the air is almost palpable. a new guy starts on Monday at work. change is in the air! the next month will be good. i can feel it.

torture

i've been home for about 24 hours after spending a week with my mom. don't get me wrong - it was a pretty good week. she drove me only a bit crazy, and that was only at the beginning. but i was looking forward to just having time to myself.

my brother phoned earlier and i asked him if he had seen my grandma yet today. he said no. i said that i was going and asked him whether he wanted to come with me. i told him i'd call him when i was ready to go.

flash forward to 10 minutes ago. my mom phones and asks if i'm going to see my grandma. i say yes. she asks when. i say after 6. she asks if she can come with me. i say sure. she asks if my brother is going. i say maybe. she asks if i was going to ask her if she wanted to come with me. i am surprised by how stupid she is for asking a question to which she's already decided what the answer is and stutter. she says, "no, you weren't. that's okay, that's okay. what time are you going?" and i know that when i pick her up, she's going to say something about not thinking or being thoughtful enough to ask her to go with me. why? why? why??

why does she do that to herself?

bad Christmas

it's been a rough weekend for my family. i've spent the past two days at BGH. on Christmas Day, I got word from my cousin, Ash, that her dad was in the hospital. we went that day, after going to see my grandma. i didn't actually get to see him - the nurses were frustrated that his kids wouldn't leave his bedside (he'd been in since Christmas Eve), and he hadn't gotten any real sleep because of it. they basically kicked us out of the room before we even got there.

so we waited in one of the waiting rooms for a couple of hours, talking to my cousins and talking to my aunt. he's bleeding from his rectum, but they don't know where it's coming from. they have since narrowed it down to a bleed in the intestines or in the bowel.

it's always hard for me, not because i don't have faith that he'll get better, but that my dad is upset. it's hard for me to see him crack.

boxing day, i get a call from my dad. he says that my uncle is much better and has gotten some rest, but that my grandma (their mom) has had a stroke an is also at BGH. back to the hospital we went.

the doctor in emerg basically said that she's 90 and she's not likely to spring back. it's not completely out of the question, but that it's unlikely. they've basically giving her palliative care. it was so hard to see all of my aunts and uncles breaking down.

we spent most of the day and evening at the hospital, just rotating who got to go into the room with her. four to a room and a huge filipino family - you do the math! i commented to my cousin that it's a shame that it takes something like this to get us all in one room. my cousin from Washington was driving in when i left and my cousin from edmonton was also flying in. i'll probably see them today.

i'm trying to do all of my crying now and not at the hospital. sobbing uncontrollably just sets everyone off. i'm ready to let her go - i know that sounds heartless but i've always said that grieving for someone that has live a good and long life, surrounded by family and friends, is selfish. it's the family left behind that is going to miss her most, not that she won't miss us too. but she's in so much pain right now and she's confused and trying to get out of bed when she obviously can't. it's just hard to watch. she's such a fighter and she's stubborn. knowing her, she will defy the odds and bounce back, but for how much longer?

i sometimes hate that i'm so practical about death. i suppose it's the only way i know how to deal with a situation i can't control.

superego

i am feeling 180 degrees better than i did two days ago. it's amazing what a smack to the ol' ego will do, and when i say that, i mean that i put it back in check.

i find that whenever i'm feeling unsatisfied or unhappy, the corresponding ego-size is extra-large. it's when i think i'm better than everyone else that i start to become this pouty, whiny monster.

a good cry, an internal pep-talk, and remembering what is most important in life, is all it really took to get me back to normal. a little nutty is normal. quirky is normal. slightly manic is normal. but diva is not.

welcome back, me!

lowered expectations

after probably over 10 years, i finally had another breakdown at work. those of you that know me well know that i don't ever cry at work, or in front of other people. it's not something i do unless i feel completely hopeless, helpless or frustrated. today was the latter.

doesn't even matter how it happened. i had, what i would consider but was probably just an exchange of words for the other person, a tiff with one of my lawyers. i'm tired of her princess-ness. "no one ever does my work" or "i never know where my files are". you know what? BUCK YOU. (no, that's not a typo).

my problem, as Sands quickly pointed out when she followed me into the bathroom, is that i have high expectations for myself and i expect the same of other people. perhaps even higher expectations for them. i'm just so sick and tired of hearing how rough my lawyer has it whe she creates a lot of the workload problems herself. she doesn't know how to manage her practice yet. she doesn't know how to utilize her assistants properly. and what happens? things get out of control. people get pissed off. like me.

in the same vein, i wonder whether i sometimes am a bit stubborn when it comes to her work. my dislike for the area of law in general may come into play, but when i work with my other lawyers in this area, i can take everything in stride. i don't want to think it's because she's a woman or because she's also a friend that i can't work with her. but i think she's unreasonable and just because she can get her way by rubbing up against the partners, it doesn't work that way with me. in fact, it has the opposite effect.

really, though, i'm tired. i haven't had a relaxing, no-brainer vacation in many, many moons. sure, i've had vacations and long weekends but everything i've done away from work this past year has been filled with activities, mostly of my own planning. this past may was supposed to be my week-long beach vacation but that turned into the Grand Canyon and Vegas - great vacation but not exactly relaxing.

my next time away is gearing up to be exactly the same. why do i do this to myself? i am burned out but i insist on plugging along. i'm carrying over five days of holidays for this year into january, so that i don't have to take five days out of next years holidays and only be left with 10 for the majority of the year, and end up being burned out and spazzing at work by october.

yet i desperately need time off now. like, i'm going to crack if i don't get it time-off. i wish i could just use my sick days as mental health days. maybe i shouldn't plan anything for this weekend, even though i have a mentorship thing on friday night and an information session on sunday afternoon. maybe my Christmas tree just won't go up this year so i am not pressuring myself to do it on thursday just so i can have it up.

i need to sleep.

BCIT

i have a crush on our new associate, who is 8 years younger than me.

he's adorable. and kind of dumb, in the street-smart kind of way. really bright at work, but a low-wattage when it comes to everyday things. i don't know what it is about him. he's tall and lanky - too skinny, actually. he's an ethical vegetarian (because it's too hard to be a vegan) and he has a painted portrait of his favorite philosopher on his wall at work. he's a bit shy but blunt, without being rude (the shyness probably helps take the edge off). and the only thing he ever really initiates conversation with me about is Manny Pacquiao. he looks GQ until he opens his mouth and laughs this really dorky laugh. he's a conundrum, and i like it.

a friend of mine, who is very good at ingesting information and presenting her findings in a succinct and meaningful way, once deduced that i love guys who aren't what they look like. for example, that chinese-italian guy i met at speed dating (who, coincidentally, is a friend of her family's). he looks asian, but speaks fluent italian. or the Gigolo. hot guy who has a PhD in biochemistry. i love paradoxes.

i just have to figure out how to make that work for me. not with just the Cub (if at all, as we do work together), but in general. i will certainly have fun trying.

visions

i went to see a psychic last night. she was recommended to me by a friend of mine, who thought she was so bang-on that as soon as i could, i made an appointment. it took me two months, but my time finally came.

i thought it wasn't meant to be. first, she called me three times in the span of 24hours over the weekend to confirm the appointment (shouldn't a psychic know that i'm out of town?). that bothers me when guys do it, and it bothers me when anyone else does it too. then, even though i left in plenty of time, i ended up getting lost and being 20 minutes late for the appointment because i thought i knew the street she lived on. i didn't.

but her readings were fairly accurate. oh sure, she could've done some research on me on the internet - lord knows if you google my name, you'll find a letter i've written to the editor or something i've posted on a webpage. but she certainly couldn't find this blog and the friend that introduced me certainly never said anything to her about me.

the highlights? i have to wait a few more months for my "guy" to come and find me. i'll be 34 when we meet, and 37 when something major happens. i'll do loads and loads of travelling in my life (yay!). she said she doesn't see me having kids, which was not a surprise to me as, in recent years, i've felt i wasn't meant to have my own kids. i don't know if that rules out adoption or being a stepmom, but i'm not sure that it doesn't either. i'm going to have a long life. and i'm stubborn and don't like people touching my stuff. true.

sure, all pretty vague stuff. but just as i was getting up to leave, she took one more look at the pictures i brought with me and said, "your brother works at a warehouse?" yes. "future shop?" yes. "oh good. that logo kept popping into my head and i couldn't understand why!" she picked up on some of my friends and family and how they relate to me. some on how their lives are going to go. and she said my Luna was a bit psychic (not psycho, but she'd be right in that respect as well).

at the end, she kept saying, "i'm not worried about you. you're going to be just fine." that's worth the $90.00, if you ask me.

i believe the future is not set in stone. yes, what she predicted for me last night may very well be what is going to happen. but if i change my course, so will my future. i think the beauty of psychics, so long as you don't take them too literally, is that they give you hope for what could lie in the future. if they predict something good, then you have that chance to project that good into the universe so that the good will come to you. if they predict something bad, then you have a chance to change it.

say what you will about psychics - they're not all bad. they just shouldn't charge so darn much for their God-given gift.

lessons

a friend of mine at work told me that my dog would teach me a lot about myself. i agreed, but only to be polite. how wrong i was.

i was sitting on the couch one evening, beckoning Luna to join me in watching TV. she stood there, wagging her tail and looking cute, so i grabbed her and put her on the couch with me. she wriggled away and jumped off. i was slightly frustrated - we've been living together now for 3 months and i feel like she likes me a lot, but isn't connected to me yet. three months is a long time.

and then it hit me - connections take time. love takes time. trust takes time. relationships take time. OMG, my dog has just made me realize that the reason i've been unsuccessful in "finding" someone these past few years is that i want that instantaneous connection, which I'll never get. i can't force someone to love me anymore than i can force my dog to. i can't expect someone to take an interest in me if i don't appear interested in them. also, it's easy enough to put myself "out there" to earn the love of my dog - i should be making more of an effort to get myself "out there" to earn the love of another person. baby steps.

i know that this is not new to me. but like any concept, sometimes it takes awhile...in this case, years...for it to really sink in and become something i'm truly cognizant of - that i can understand fully, identify and, most importantly, own.

good girl, Luna!

p.s. if you are wondering why i'm blogging in the middle of the afternoon on a workday, i called in sick. well, i called in "not feeling great". i wasn't. i think i'm coming down with another cold (i just got over the one i had two weeks ago) so i wanted to head this one off at the pass. plus, my traps are killing me. i was hoping to get into the RMT today but she's not working. i could go to someone else, but mine knows exactly what my problem areas are and how to help. don't mess with a good thing, you know?

i could go see my cute chiro, though. but $40 for a 10 minute crack (even though it involves a lot of body manipulation and leaning into me....oooooh, yeah) is a bit much for therapy and a thrill, even for me :)