groundhog day

no, i'm not a day early. i'm faced with a similar situation i have been in twice, to varying degrees. and i am having a head v. heart dilemma, even though head should definitely win this one.

i have been trading e-mails with a guy i met on one of my dating websites. i had actually met him on one, initially, and he expressed interest on that one, but it was the one that i wasn't paying for. oddly, or not, i was matched up with him on the pay-site too and we started corresponding.

he's great. his emails are witting and engaging. he's a writer too and our styles are similar. we had great email chemistry (which we know does not always translate into in-person chemistry).

he sent me an email today, basically saying that when he first started corresponding with me, he had gone on one date with another woman. he didn't think anything would come of it so he continued to "meet" other people online. well, two dates turned into several and now he thinks there may be potential with her. he apologized if i thought he had wasted my time. i didn't think he had at all. that's just the way it is, right?

and then, he writes the following:

So, I wonder where we should go from here? Would you like to continue correspondence in a friendly way for now? Would you prefer to wait and check in a month or so to see if my date-match has turned into anything? Or do you prefer just to close things out and call it a poor twist of fate? I prefer options A or B, but I understand if you think option C is the way to go.

You seem unusually interesting to me so I'd hate to lose contact with you, but I respect whichever way you think is best.

i know what you're thinking, because that's exactly what i'm thinking too. WTF?

here's my take: i think he and i could potentially be good friends. and i've missed having a guy friend in my life. what could the harm be?

and then i remembered the two other times this has happened to me - the Server and MGF. the Server was just that - our favorite server at our favorite restaurant six years ago. we started to hang out and i'm pretty sure there were feelings on his side because one day, when i jokingly asked him why he hasn't asked me out yet, he alluded to the fact that he was going to, and then droped the bomb that someone asked him out instead. they're married now.

and we know the story with MGF. met online. i was just getting to know him and the Boy at the same time. both told me they weren't into anything serious. MGF acted like he meant it. the Boy didn't. i was hopeful and naive enough to think that i could change the Boy. six months later, the Boy was (almost) out of my life, MGF was still quite in my life but was also quite in his new girlfriend's life too. so much for "not serious". they're getting married in july.

i've basically written my response to No. 3 - that my initial reaction was, "Of course I still want to be friends! We get along so well!" and then i remembered that i already have two friends like that, and they're not really friends at all.

it makes me sad, though, that i am going to tell a guy that i feel very in-tune with that i don't want to continue to keep in touch. at the same time, my new year's resolution was to become the lead character in my own life, but i can't do that if i continue to allow myself to be a minor character in other peoples' lives. it's not healthy.

and really, who asks someone they've never met in person before to, in effect, "wait" for them while they test someone else out? really? really??