evolution

i can literally see my evolution. i feel like i've changed overnight, but really, it's been over a matter of months.

the growth, the maturity, the foresight. maybe it's just cause i'm tired of complaining (really, finally!) and tired of worrying about the future.

i don't preface every comment on a meal with, "well, because of my taste affliction..." instead, i just say whether i think it tastes good or not. the "affliction" has been in my life for six months so i think i can safely say, it's here to stay. and with that, i have realized that perhaps my taste was affected because i needed to make that food change in my life. ruled by the decadence and comfort of food, i allowed it to take control over my life. the weight gain, the complacency. if the taste affliction taught me anything (and it taught me a lot!), it's that part of evolution is accepting that things are not going to always be the same and often, they don't stay the same. i can no longer go to Denny's at 3am, have a Grand Slam breakfast and not wake up feeling just a bit fatter than i did the day before. instead, i know that to change my life (and my waistline), i have to change my relationship with food and the way i eat. and as i always say, change is good. evolution of acceptance.

i don't immediately jump on my high horse when presented with tasks at work that i have previously deemed "beneath me". i have the respect of my peers and my superiors. they trust me enough to come to me when things need to be done efficiently and correctly, even if it's just to change flight plans. i have worked hard and earned that trust. i should be thankful. evolution of ego.

i don't lose control when i'm at the mall and i'm surrounded by sale signs. i take a quick mental stock of what i need versus what i want, and all of a sudden, the desire to buy another cozy sweater that's a shade darker than the one i bought the week before, has dissipated. except for the red patent ballerina flats. those i had to have. and i gave away one pair of flats to compensate. evolution of control.

i enjoy making plans in my head of what i'm going to do when i have money to spare, but a lot of those plans now include getting a real nest egg/rainy day fund going so i can start making more frequent payments on the mortgage. yes, a nice, yearly beach holiday is also in the plan, but not without a little sacrifice elsewhere in the budget. evolution of the future!

hallelujah, i think she's finally starting to get it!