invisible

sometimes, i feel like i'm invisible. i don't know how that works. i'm not short. i'm not a waif. i don't have a complexion that blends into the background. and yet i wonder if people even see me.

i'm not saying this in a philosophical way. i really wonder whether i am just hard to see. i'll be walking down the sidewalk and people will be walking towards me and they'll walk right into me. or, i'll be walking behind someone and, because they're walking slowly i'll try to pass them. but as i am about to even up with them, they veer off their course and walk into my lane and not ever see that i was there. seriously, do people have terrible vision or am i just not making my presence known? my pet peeve.

another pet peeve, since i'm talking about them. last friday, at 4:30, Mon asks me if i want to go with them to playland that night (ie. A, the Ninja and his "friend" and others). i tell her i already have plans and she does the, "oh, come on! come with us!" thing. i actually did have plans but really, i was annoyed that she even asked. i had overheard them all talking about their plans to go to playland since the beginning of last week. they all saw me, they all had the opportunity to to invite me but none of them thought about asking me until the last minute. i don't mind doing spur of the moment things, but not if i was never contemplated in the plans in the first place.

then, her call party. her parents are throwing her a cocktail party to celebrate her call to the bar. i've been overhearing about it for a good couple of weeks now, including who is on the guest list, but haven't been invited myself. that's fine - truly, it is. but then she asks me if i'll babysit her niece so her visiting brother and his wife can attend the party without having to take care of their one-year old too? sorry, i have better things to do. even BabyMan thought that was tacky of her to ask. and he wasn't invited either. in fact, i heard that A wasn't invited. just all of the partners at the firm...and the Ninja, of course.

i've been feeling rather catty lately and kind of restless at work. i have thought for awhile that, if the Ninja announces he's leaving his wife for his 23 year old lover, i'll have to find somewhere else to work. how can i respect someone like that, particularly since he was supposed to leave his wife for our friend??? argh. i hate knowing sometimes.

i've had some great story ideas lately but no computer to work on them. it seems to be working now but i'm not counting on it. i think i'm going to start backing up my files and then i'll shut 'er down for good.

i was looking at pictures of myself that were taking over last weekend. gawd, i've gained a lot of weight. i've determined that i should and could lose 2 lbs every week if i tried and after 3 months, i'd be at my goal weight and then some. but it's hard. eating is one thing; exercising is another. or is it the other way around?

after months and months of nagging me to come visit her, i had plans and was ready to book my ticket to visit Doc Tardy in NY next month. i e-mailed her my dates that i was going to come and she e-mails me back, "that's great! i might be in vancouver at that time but i'll give you my keys and you can stay at my place regardless." WTF? she doesn't get that i was primarily going to visit her. brilliant scientific mind, but not so sharp when it comes to some common sense things. i'd rather save the $600 and visit with her here. oy.

well, i think i should do some exercisin'. gawd knows i need it.