drafting

so, i'm finally getting to draft a real agreement, using real clauses for real people. the catch? it's my parents' separation agreement.

my mom pulled this precedent off the internet and filled in the blanks (shudder, i know!). unbeknownst to her, my dad asked me to come over and read it to see if it was okay. i read it over and asked him if he was happy with the terms. he said his usual, "i don't care, i just want this over with," and the proceeded to go on a rant about how my mom was trying to screw him financially. oy.

yesterday, my mom asked me to read over the agreement and see if it was ok. i've spent the afternoon cleaning up the language, adding some general clauses, and formatting the document. it's in redline so she can make my suggested revisions or not.

the one thing i did have a bit of a problem with was what she was taking from the proceeds of the sale of the house. she gave my dad a bunch of advances from the eventual sale proceeds in order for him to buy and do some needed renos to his house. this was necessary because he doesn't have any money saved. my mom handled all the finances, including but not limited to the savings accounts, the chequing accounts, the RRSPs, and other investments. my dad has no idea about where his money went in the 30 years of marriage, just that my mom took care of the finances. he didn't have any interest in it. this is why i was so worried about him when they separated. sure, he had everything to do with the maintenance and running of the house but when it came to using an ATM card, forget it.

anyway, that's background. in the separation agreement, it outlined the advances made to my dad and subtracted them from his share of the proceeds. one transaction listed as an advance was X amount of dollars that my mom received as inheritance when her dad died a few years ago, that was put into my dad's RRSP. she's subtracted that amount (which is a sizeable amount) from my dad's share of the proceeds. am i wrong to be troubled by this?

the way i see it, she was in control of the finances. it was her choice to add this money to my dad's RRSP and not one of her own savings accounts or investments. i realize that it technically is her money but shouldn't she have thought of that, particularly since she's been trying to get out of this marriage for 30 years? and now she's asking for it back?

maybe i'm just feeling protective again. or maybe it's because i know that, as oldest child and the daughter, i'm the one whose moral responsibility it will be to take care of him if and/or when he needs money to live.

the selfish me wishes they had never split up so financially, they would both be sound. and i wouldn't have to worry about them. but that didn't happen and now i get to watch as their financial inequalities become more and more apparent.

i think it's all well and good to say we all make choices in our lives and we have to live with them. but as we all know, life isn't black and white. and it's hard having to see your parents in the gray (or in some cases, the red).