my OB-Gyn has decided i need to try life off the Pill. i haven't been off the pill in over 10 years. it's a bit scary. but, if i could deal with the periods i was dealing with three years ago, i can deal with them off the Pill. i hope.
i confess that i've been thinking about going off the Pill for quite some time now, but not to help my periods. i read somewhere...somewhere...that being on the Pill (or any kind of hormone-affecting drug) affects ones pheremones. If my pheremones are off, that might (but only might) explain why i've had limited success in the love department in the past few years. as i get older, my hormones have shifted and changed, and who i was five years ago is most certainly not who i am today. maybe it was the drugs that were masking who i was. maybe that's why i seem invisible to some people - because my own pheromones are not really there.
i read a book called, "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer" and i must say i identified slightly with the title character. not in the sense that i need to murder in order to fulfill what i think is my destiny, but more that i seem invisible to the rest of the world. people still walk head-on into me on the street like i wasn't even there. it's a bit off-putting. i try very hard not to shoulder-check them as i walk by. hey, you walk into me, i'll walk into you.
perhaps being off the Pill will also help with my wonky moods and how i feel about my work. or maybe it will show me that it's not just the drugs that make me feel crazy.
there is so much i want to do - so many careers i want to try. i know i have to be patient and eventually, in this life or the next, i'll try them. it's hard to know which ones i actually want to be a part of, and which ones i just want to say i'm a part of, if you know what i mean.
i'm feeling like this post is all over the place, so i think i'll stop.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
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