too honest

there is, i have determined, such a thing as too much honesty.

JW is good-looking and kind. he's tall and soulful. he actually makes pretty decent music. he's open-minded and free-spirited, but not in a way that makes him flaky. he's articulate and intelligent. he likes kids and cooks lasanga. he's a Big Brother and has been for the past three years. he's in touch with his feelings and isn't too afraid to share them. too good to be true, right? that's what i thought.

here is what i already knew about him but decided i could live with in order to have a chance with him: he lives in a suite at his dad's house. he's sold his car and takes the bus everywhere. he considers himself a musician above what his day job is (teaching ESL). he wholly admits that in his younger years (and not so younger years, also his words), he was more interested in bedding women than getting to know them.

i decided to check out his profile again today as i noticed he had change his picture (he tends to add and delete stuff on his profile when the mood hits him). today, i found out tha he contracted HSV-2 (read: herpes) about four years ago. i have a feeling i know why his last LTR ended.

not surprisingly, i have changed my entire view of how to approach a potential relationship with him, at least in the romantic sense. perhaps i'm wrong, but herpes is not one of those things (like living at your parents' house) that you overlook when considering starting a new relationship with someone.

i think that's too much for even me to deal with. it's too bad - he seemed practically-perfect for me on paper.

scaredy cat

i admit it - i don't want to mess up my chances with this new guy, JW (and no, not that kind of JW).

i am intrigued by him and he, in turn, is intrigued by me - he's said as much -but i can't help wondering who else he's corresponding with. i know that's dumb because if i don't end up being the standout, well then he wasn't right for me anyway, etc., etc. but when someone captures my interest as keenly as he has, and the only thing that stands out about him physically for me is that he's tall, then you know he's something to me.

he thought it was cute that we've connected emotionally by email and phone (we haven't met yet). i almost told him that it's easy for me to connect with people by email and by phone because it's not a real connection. you're not sitting in front of someone, reading their face and their body language; you're reacting to the sound of their voice and what's coming out of their mouth, or the words they are typing. that's not real. not in the same way a face-to-face conversation is.

let's face it, i've lost a few opportunities because the face-to-faces did not live up to the emails. i can't say why. maybe i really just wasn't into them. and vice versa, of course.

i really should have done exit-interviews.

faith

i've met a guy on the fishing website that i really like. we've exchanged some great emails and i just got off the phone with him after an hour-long chat. i can honestly say that if it doesn't work out as far as dating goes, i would still really like him as a friend. he's easy to talk to and i feel i can be myself with him. i hope things go well. so far, so good.