hesitation

so, the breeder that Mon got her dogs at is selling some of her adults. i e-mailed the breeder and asked about both. she's selling them for $400 each (Mon says i should get both, because two is better than one).

i was going to send the breeder another email, asking whether she would consider loaning out the dogs to me over a weekend, just so i could see how they were and see whether we got along. as i was about to press "send" on the e-mail, a wave of anxiousness passed over me and i quickly backed the mouse cursor away.

i shouldn't be spending $400 on a dog right now (or $400 plus if i get the havanese, which is the one i'd want). i have my house insurance due at the end of the month, my property taxes have increased, i just spent $500 on a new timing belt for the Blue Bunny and i'm anticipating that my brakes will need to be done in the next few months two (after all, i'm still running on the original, 7+ year old brakes!). i have a holiday coming up in penticton that i'd have to cancel my b&b and bunk with my friend (and all the rest of her guests). i'd have to re-consider my trip to Prague and Vienna next Christmas. excuse, excuses...

just because i've always wanted something, doesn't mean i should get it. i've always wanted a dog and i've been waiting until i got out on my own to get one. i've been on my own for almost three years and no dog. not even a hint of one. my life would change so much if i got one. i'd have to come home right after work every day (no hanging out after work or stopping off somewhere before i came home). i'd have to get up even earlier to take the dog out for a morning walk. i'd have to find someone to take care of him whenever i went away somewhere that i couldn't take him (although, no shortage of dog-sitters with the people i work with!). the cost of maintaining a dog. what happens if he gets sick? i'd get pet insurance but pets are expensive. there's food and routine checkups that aren't covered by insurance. there's so much stuff. i can't be a SINK and own a dog!

i asked my dad if he wanted one. he immediately said no. i'm pretty certain, though, that if i got a dog, he'd soon be coming by to take it for a walk when he got home from work, every now and then. eventually, it would probably become his. maybe that's the solution. he'd eventually take it over so he wasn't lonely anymore, and i'd have a dog in my life but not full-time.

it's still going to cost me $400.