begging the question

as i walked to the train after work today, i heard sobbing behind me. not just sniffling. not just crying. but sobbing. i turned around and saw, about five feet behind me, a woman with dark sunglasses on and her coat collar turned up, and she was audibly weeping.

i immediately felt that wanted to help her. but how do you ask a perfect stranger if they want to talk about what's bothering them? i kept walking, and she kept crying behind me. finally, i decided to slow down and let her catch up with me. as she walked by me, i said the only thing i could say, "are you okay?"

obviously, she was not okay. they were not tears of joy. she was not suffering with allergies that caused uncontrollable eye-watering. she was so the opposite of "okay" at that point in time.

she managed to choke out, "i'm fine," and walked by me. i felt better, at least knowing that i tried. not very hard, but who wants to be pushed into spilling their guts by a total stranger?

i had my review at work today. more like a whining session but my admin, once again, emphasized that no one wanted me to leave so they wanted to make me happy. i asked for flex days. i asked for a headset for my phone (the numb fingers thing). i even asked for office space once they got it (whenever that is). i should've also asked for more holidays but i figured i might be pushing it. when she gave me the piece of paper that said what my salary increase was, i wasn't too disappointed. but it was still $1,200.00 less than what i wanted. i asked if the salary was negotiable and she said it was. i am to write a memo outlining why i would like the increase.

they want a memo? i'll give them a memo, with appendices and all! for less than a sandwich a day, i could get exactly what i want.

i did confess to my admin that i wasn't sure that my job was it for me. i emphasized that a lot of my frustration these days is just tiredness. i just need a vacation. i told her that my plan was to take my holiday next week, relax and think about nothing, and then come home and re-assess my place in the world. she told me to come back and see her after i had done my assessment.

i think i will.