i fell while on a moving bus today. i had rung for my stop and started to walk (using the poles and hand straps provided) towards the exit door. the bus driver decided to brake suddenly (a few feet before the actual stop, naturally) and i lost my grip on the pole. i was wearing heels and was just stepping off the first step down from the back upper level of the bus. so, i turned on my heel (promptly twisting it), grasped for air and fell flat on my back, knocking my sun glasses off my head. how embarrasing! i would've been more hurt if i hadn't been wearing my backpack but luckily, it broke my fall. i felt like a turtle on its back. this guy that was sitting in front of my came to see if i was okay and the bus driver stopped the bus, walked back towards me to see if i was okay, and took one look at my shoes and said jovially, "you'd better be careful on those heels. next time, sit closer to the door!" i was tired and hungry so i waved off any help, said i was okay, and went home and began employing the RICE principle. i've iced my ankle. it's currently wrapped in a pashmina to reduce mobility (like i own a tensor bandage!). and i've been sitting with my ankle elevated on two pillows.
i'll be hobbling onto the plane on thursday.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
worth
i finally had my annual review yesterday (only four months behind schedule). i had in my mind what i wanted to say about my job and what i wanted for a salary increase. i was going to stick to my guns. i even received the BCPA salary survey in the mail the day before. it was like fate.
well, my salary did increase over and above the 3% cost of living increase, which is fantastic. but, it's $1200 less annually than what i had decided i would agree to / settle for. $1200. for the partnership, not a lot a year. only $100 more per month. daily, it would be less than what some of them pay for lunch everyday. or beer.
my admin told me that the salary is negotiable and that i should write a memo outlining what i would like and why i think i deserve it (basically).
and now, i've sat down to write it. and i'm wondering if it's even worth asking for. i know that i'm worth it. i feel i bring a lot of value to the firm, if not all through my work. i'm sure that if i were to find somewhere else to work and quit my current job, $1200 wouldn't be much to offer me to stay. i like to think they would offer me that to stay.
but then i remember that i've only been in this job for 2.5 years. and i've only been doing real paralegal work for less than a year. am i being greedy? or am i talking myself out of something i deserve (yet again)?
it's a difficult thing to do, determining what you're worth to a company. i took a glance over the salary survey and, while there are people who are earning more than me with the same level of experience (probably less, since I still have my legal secretary background and four years of it), they didn't get a bonus and they actually have targets they have to meet. plus, they work at least 15 hours a week more than i do.
am i talking myself out of requesting more money? probably. am i sorry i'm doing it? probably will be later. but i think i'll wait until i get back from my holiday to make any decisions, either big or small.
six more days!
well, my salary did increase over and above the 3% cost of living increase, which is fantastic. but, it's $1200 less annually than what i had decided i would agree to / settle for. $1200. for the partnership, not a lot a year. only $100 more per month. daily, it would be less than what some of them pay for lunch everyday. or beer.
my admin told me that the salary is negotiable and that i should write a memo outlining what i would like and why i think i deserve it (basically).
and now, i've sat down to write it. and i'm wondering if it's even worth asking for. i know that i'm worth it. i feel i bring a lot of value to the firm, if not all through my work. i'm sure that if i were to find somewhere else to work and quit my current job, $1200 wouldn't be much to offer me to stay. i like to think they would offer me that to stay.
but then i remember that i've only been in this job for 2.5 years. and i've only been doing real paralegal work for less than a year. am i being greedy? or am i talking myself out of something i deserve (yet again)?
it's a difficult thing to do, determining what you're worth to a company. i took a glance over the salary survey and, while there are people who are earning more than me with the same level of experience (probably less, since I still have my legal secretary background and four years of it), they didn't get a bonus and they actually have targets they have to meet. plus, they work at least 15 hours a week more than i do.
am i talking myself out of requesting more money? probably. am i sorry i'm doing it? probably will be later. but i think i'll wait until i get back from my holiday to make any decisions, either big or small.
six more days!
Friday, April 18, 2008
begging the question
as i walked to the train after work today, i heard sobbing behind me. not just sniffling. not just crying. but sobbing. i turned around and saw, about five feet behind me, a woman with dark sunglasses on and her coat collar turned up, and she was audibly weeping.
i immediately felt that wanted to help her. but how do you ask a perfect stranger if they want to talk about what's bothering them? i kept walking, and she kept crying behind me. finally, i decided to slow down and let her catch up with me. as she walked by me, i said the only thing i could say, "are you okay?"
obviously, she was not okay. they were not tears of joy. she was not suffering with allergies that caused uncontrollable eye-watering. she was so the opposite of "okay" at that point in time.
she managed to choke out, "i'm fine," and walked by me. i felt better, at least knowing that i tried. not very hard, but who wants to be pushed into spilling their guts by a total stranger?
i had my review at work today. more like a whining session but my admin, once again, emphasized that no one wanted me to leave so they wanted to make me happy. i asked for flex days. i asked for a headset for my phone (the numb fingers thing). i even asked for office space once they got it (whenever that is). i should've also asked for more holidays but i figured i might be pushing it. when she gave me the piece of paper that said what my salary increase was, i wasn't too disappointed. but it was still $1,200.00 less than what i wanted. i asked if the salary was negotiable and she said it was. i am to write a memo outlining why i would like the increase.
they want a memo? i'll give them a memo, with appendices and all! for less than a sandwich a day, i could get exactly what i want.
i did confess to my admin that i wasn't sure that my job was it for me. i emphasized that a lot of my frustration these days is just tiredness. i just need a vacation. i told her that my plan was to take my holiday next week, relax and think about nothing, and then come home and re-assess my place in the world. she told me to come back and see her after i had done my assessment.
i think i will.
i immediately felt that wanted to help her. but how do you ask a perfect stranger if they want to talk about what's bothering them? i kept walking, and she kept crying behind me. finally, i decided to slow down and let her catch up with me. as she walked by me, i said the only thing i could say, "are you okay?"
obviously, she was not okay. they were not tears of joy. she was not suffering with allergies that caused uncontrollable eye-watering. she was so the opposite of "okay" at that point in time.
she managed to choke out, "i'm fine," and walked by me. i felt better, at least knowing that i tried. not very hard, but who wants to be pushed into spilling their guts by a total stranger?
i had my review at work today. more like a whining session but my admin, once again, emphasized that no one wanted me to leave so they wanted to make me happy. i asked for flex days. i asked for a headset for my phone (the numb fingers thing). i even asked for office space once they got it (whenever that is). i should've also asked for more holidays but i figured i might be pushing it. when she gave me the piece of paper that said what my salary increase was, i wasn't too disappointed. but it was still $1,200.00 less than what i wanted. i asked if the salary was negotiable and she said it was. i am to write a memo outlining why i would like the increase.
they want a memo? i'll give them a memo, with appendices and all! for less than a sandwich a day, i could get exactly what i want.
i did confess to my admin that i wasn't sure that my job was it for me. i emphasized that a lot of my frustration these days is just tiredness. i just need a vacation. i told her that my plan was to take my holiday next week, relax and think about nothing, and then come home and re-assess my place in the world. she told me to come back and see her after i had done my assessment.
i think i will.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
waxing and waning
well, i think i'm a little less despairing than i was in my last post. not any less frustrated but a little less suicidal!
i'm currently a fan of a fellow-blogger. i came upon her site when i was trying to figure out what shoes to wear (i.e. flats or heels) with jeans and a dress. this is her site: http://whatiwore2day.blogspot.com/
she has such style! some of her outfits are a little too wild for me but she carries even the weirdest (for someone as conservative as me, that is) combos of pieces with such confidence that i have to admire her chutzpah. she's recently posted her outfits from the past couple of years and i must say, she used to be just a regular ol' dresser like yours truly. i have hope!!
i've been on the weather watch for punta cana lately. honestly, if it rains once in awhile while i'm there, i don't care too much. but i don't want any thunderstorms or hurricanes! my mom, ever the pseudo-storm chaser, is hoping for a hurricane but i think that's insanity and a bit of dementia on her part. i just want to get a tan, swim a bit, relax and remember what it feels like to be somewhat sane, if only for a little while.
i got some new exercises from my physiotherapist. we'll see how it works. i go back again tomorrow. she's going to work on my arm tomorrow. hopefully that helps with the shooting pains. i've almost given up on the numbness in my fingers. almost.
my apartment is a mess.
i'm currently a fan of a fellow-blogger. i came upon her site when i was trying to figure out what shoes to wear (i.e. flats or heels) with jeans and a dress. this is her site: http://whatiwore2day.blogspot.com/
she has such style! some of her outfits are a little too wild for me but she carries even the weirdest (for someone as conservative as me, that is) combos of pieces with such confidence that i have to admire her chutzpah. she's recently posted her outfits from the past couple of years and i must say, she used to be just a regular ol' dresser like yours truly. i have hope!!
i've been on the weather watch for punta cana lately. honestly, if it rains once in awhile while i'm there, i don't care too much. but i don't want any thunderstorms or hurricanes! my mom, ever the pseudo-storm chaser, is hoping for a hurricane but i think that's insanity and a bit of dementia on her part. i just want to get a tan, swim a bit, relax and remember what it feels like to be somewhat sane, if only for a little while.
i got some new exercises from my physiotherapist. we'll see how it works. i go back again tomorrow. she's going to work on my arm tomorrow. hopefully that helps with the shooting pains. i've almost given up on the numbness in my fingers. almost.
my apartment is a mess.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
just call me george
ever feel like your life has no purpose? i feel that today. i feel like everything i've done to this point has had no impact on the world or the people around me and that i'm still wandering aimlessly. i feel like george bailey in "it's a wonderful life", except at the very beginning of the movie, not at the end.
Mon asked Niko, the Ninja's new assistant, to help her today. you know what she asked her to do? research. so i jokingly said, "bill it to my number, would you?" and the minute i said that, i opened up a can of worms, the inhabitants of which are now burrowing tiny holes into my head and heart. i heard Mon say that she wasn't allowed to give me stuff to do which is why she gave the project to Niko. but Mon has no problem asking me to track down files or photocopy stuff. she doesn't think twice about asking me to do revisions on letters or mail things out for her. but to do actual paralegal work - work that i've been trained to do but never actually used my skills? nope, she gives that to someone who has been working in litigation for all of 6 weeks. thanks for the vote of confidence.
it just made me realize further that no one actually sees me as a paralegal at the firm. how could they? i started as a legal secretary and will always be that in some people's eyes. my own boss sees me as a faithful assistant rather than a trained and knowledgable member of the team.
i know i'm just tired and need a vacation. but i'm tired of complaining about the work i get and the people i work with. nothing is being done and nothing is changing, even though i'm on the path to change. i know i need to wait until i get back from holidays to make any rash decisions but i'm tired. i'm tired. i'm tired. i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to go to work anymore, feeling like i serve no other purpose but to be a seat warmer and accurate typist. i'm tired of everything. i'm tired of feeling like my two years of studying to be a paralegal were all for nought. i'm tired of spending my days hole punching documents and making pretty binders.
fuck the binders!
i'm tired. i'm tired of being tired. something must be done.
Mon asked Niko, the Ninja's new assistant, to help her today. you know what she asked her to do? research. so i jokingly said, "bill it to my number, would you?" and the minute i said that, i opened up a can of worms, the inhabitants of which are now burrowing tiny holes into my head and heart. i heard Mon say that she wasn't allowed to give me stuff to do which is why she gave the project to Niko. but Mon has no problem asking me to track down files or photocopy stuff. she doesn't think twice about asking me to do revisions on letters or mail things out for her. but to do actual paralegal work - work that i've been trained to do but never actually used my skills? nope, she gives that to someone who has been working in litigation for all of 6 weeks. thanks for the vote of confidence.
it just made me realize further that no one actually sees me as a paralegal at the firm. how could they? i started as a legal secretary and will always be that in some people's eyes. my own boss sees me as a faithful assistant rather than a trained and knowledgable member of the team.
i know i'm just tired and need a vacation. but i'm tired of complaining about the work i get and the people i work with. nothing is being done and nothing is changing, even though i'm on the path to change. i know i need to wait until i get back from holidays to make any rash decisions but i'm tired. i'm tired. i'm tired. i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to go to work anymore, feeling like i serve no other purpose but to be a seat warmer and accurate typist. i'm tired of everything. i'm tired of feeling like my two years of studying to be a paralegal were all for nought. i'm tired of spending my days hole punching documents and making pretty binders.
fuck the binders!
i'm tired. i'm tired of being tired. something must be done.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
getting old
no one hates getting old more than i do. i'm seeing the little white hairs peeking through the black hair around my temples. i've started noticing that my laugh lines (which were never there with much prominence before) are starting to deepen. I even have the fine lines under my eyes now too.
but my biggest complaint to-date is my ever-expanding problem of muscle soreness and stiffness. for the past few months, i've been experiencing numbness and tingling in my left arm. back in january, i went for 2 sessions of massage therapy which helped. but because i favour sleeping on my left side, the problem came back within a month or so. i went for more massages but nothing has helped. in fact, as i type, there is a shooting pain in my forearm near my elbow and my left hand is going numb. things are better when i stand. but i can't stand forever.
my doctor seemed unconcerned (big surprise there). she suggested i go for physiotherapy, which i will be doing on tuesday. i was talking to the Ninja about it at work and when i described the pain i was having (which, i'm noticing today is now also in my right arm...oh, god, i hope it's not arthritis), he immediately pointed to his neck and said, "neck problems. i have the exact same problem. you need a chiropractor." i just had to get up and wander around for a minute because my arms were starting to seize. this is not good.
physio on tuesday and then, if no improvement, i'm going to get cracked.
but my biggest complaint to-date is my ever-expanding problem of muscle soreness and stiffness. for the past few months, i've been experiencing numbness and tingling in my left arm. back in january, i went for 2 sessions of massage therapy which helped. but because i favour sleeping on my left side, the problem came back within a month or so. i went for more massages but nothing has helped. in fact, as i type, there is a shooting pain in my forearm near my elbow and my left hand is going numb. things are better when i stand. but i can't stand forever.
my doctor seemed unconcerned (big surprise there). she suggested i go for physiotherapy, which i will be doing on tuesday. i was talking to the Ninja about it at work and when i described the pain i was having (which, i'm noticing today is now also in my right arm...oh, god, i hope it's not arthritis), he immediately pointed to his neck and said, "neck problems. i have the exact same problem. you need a chiropractor." i just had to get up and wander around for a minute because my arms were starting to seize. this is not good.
physio on tuesday and then, if no improvement, i'm going to get cracked.
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