duties

i just got off the phone with my mom. basically, we talked about why my dad is being as stubborn as he is about selling the house and why i am stuck in the middle. my dad is bitter about ... oh, everything... and my mom is upset that my dad won't talk to her. she accused me of trying to play mediator instead of trying to help him. it was one of those bad phone calls. on the one hand, my dad is being a complete idiot for not asking for help with this house purchase thing. on the other hand, i'm sick of hearing my mom go on and on about how she's trying to help my dad but he won't accept any offer of help.

because of all the counseling we've been to, i've come to understand that my mom really does mean well. her problem is that she just doesn't know how to offer help without being condescending (at least to my dad). in the 31 years that they've known each other, she hasn't figured out that her way of talking to him is not working. i can't really describe it; i just know that's the reason. i offered to talk to my dad, to ask him to listen to her. maybe if i cry, he'll listen to me. maybe if i tell him i hate being stuck in the middle when i know i can't help either of them, he'll listen to me. maybe if i tell him i'm scared for him, he'll listen to me.

i really don't know what to do. i can only go so long thinking that he'll figure it out when really what i'm thinking is, "my mom will step in eventually and save the day." she can't do that if he won't let her. fuck this shit. i may have to yell at him again, although it only worked temporarily the first time.

you know, i knew that eventually the day would come when i would have to take over the parent role and parent my parents. i just hoped it wouldn't be this soon.