prayer for relief

God, give me the strength - any strength you can spare - to help me deal with this thing we call love.

he phoned me on sunday and apologized for his behaviour, although he says he's still mad. it irks me that he thinks we can just fall back into place - we are going to "talk" about it, but everything seems all the same now, pre-DQM (drama queen moment). i want him to know that he can't just blow up at me for no reason and expect everything to return to normal when he's ready for it to. yet i'm not sure if i'm really getting through to him with that.

i gave him what-for when he phoned. i told him it was up to him whether he believed what i was telling him but i insisted i wasn't dating anyone else but him. i told him that i have guy friends and asked him if he had female friends. he said he didn't and i said, "why, because you always end up dating them?" and he said something that sort of sounded like, "yes." i don't know if he was being facetious or just being stubborn but now i wonder. yet, what the fuck does he care? he's the one who said he wasn't ready to do the exclusive thing. i'm the one who's waiting around for him to make up his mind. there is some serious inequality going on here and i don't like it.

i'm not sure he trusts me, although i don't know why. i've never given him any reason not to.

this stupidness needs to stop. stop the insanity!!!