a bit of a bold statement, considering that i've wanted lots of things in the past and have never gotten them. :)
i gave my notice yesterday. i was sort of forced to do it - i meant to have the "talk" with my boss today but yesterday, i walked into the office and she almost immediately said, "i think you should come to waterloo with me next week. there are some meetings i think you should sit in on, for future reference." i figured that right then and there was as good a time as any. i told her, "ok but there's something i need to talk to you about first." i have a feeling she knew what was coming up - i just don't think she knew it would be as immediate as it ended up being. she was very understanding and at the end of our talk, said, "i told you before that you need to do what's best for you. i know you're not happy working in this small environment and this new opportunity sounds like it's right for you. i'm very happy for you." aside from the fact that her body language told me otherwise, i think i believe her :)
and i'm still going to waterloo next week - for the whole week! now, it's going to be to clean off my plate and make sure i don't leave any loose ends.
and, she's asked me whether or not i'd be interested in doing some contract work for her - basically the stuff i was doing (sans the stupid PA crap, i hope!) with agreements and stuff but on my own time - and i can name my hourly rate, with no set commitment for the amount of time. i'm going to look into what paralegals that contract out normally charge and if there is anything else i need to do, besides figure out how to invoice.
and if that wasn't crazy enough, yesterday another lawyer friend of mine e-mailed me and said, "hey, we've got an opening for a PI litigation paralegal immediately - are you interested?" jobs are falling from the sky. i think, if anything, these two job offers in four days means that i really was meant to leave my current job. i'll miss everyone (for awhile anyway) but i won't miss being bored out of my tree or pissed off because i can't print or irritated because the big boss is in a bad mood.
the only downside? i got all the paperwork to get myself set up at the new office - holy crap! now i remember why i don't switch jobs all that often. too much administrative work. i think my first day might be spent filling out the remainder of the paperwork. yikes.
i'm thinking of taking the train into work everyday. i think i'll try it out for the first month and see how it goes.
go west, young man, go west!
Friday, August 26, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
sentimentality v. logic
i've been offered a job at a downtown law firm for more money and excellent long-term potential. and they want me now. they're willing to wait the two weeks i'm contractually obligated to give in order to leave my current job. so what's the problem?
i'm soft; a sucker; a spineless jellyfish. despite the fact that i don't feel anymore loyalty than is required to fulfill any confidentiality provisions of my contract towards the company, i still feel like i'm leaving them in the lurch. i'm going to miss everyone i work with, despite the fact that, on my bad days (which is more often than not), most of them drive me nuts. i like the idea of working for an up-and-coming, multi-national. i like the perks that go along with it. i like the fact that the agreements that i help draft are going before heads of other big companies for their signature - something i worked on! i hate that i'll be leaving my position before i ever imagined i would. that it feels like i'm giving up - throwing in the proverbial towel. i hate that i think that they'll think i'm unprofessional if i leave before my contract is up, despite the fact that lots of professionals jump ship in order to further their professional development. i hate that i know what i have to do but i don't want to do it because it would be easier (on the one hand) to just continue to be a throw rug for these people. i hate that i know i'm going to ask every single person that crosses my path what i should do, despite the fact that the right thing to do is blazingly obvious to me. i hate that i think this much!!!
it's not easy being green - my head hurts.
i'm soft; a sucker; a spineless jellyfish. despite the fact that i don't feel anymore loyalty than is required to fulfill any confidentiality provisions of my contract towards the company, i still feel like i'm leaving them in the lurch. i'm going to miss everyone i work with, despite the fact that, on my bad days (which is more often than not), most of them drive me nuts. i like the idea of working for an up-and-coming, multi-national. i like the perks that go along with it. i like the fact that the agreements that i help draft are going before heads of other big companies for their signature - something i worked on! i hate that i'll be leaving my position before i ever imagined i would. that it feels like i'm giving up - throwing in the proverbial towel. i hate that i think that they'll think i'm unprofessional if i leave before my contract is up, despite the fact that lots of professionals jump ship in order to further their professional development. i hate that i know what i have to do but i don't want to do it because it would be easier (on the one hand) to just continue to be a throw rug for these people. i hate that i know i'm going to ask every single person that crosses my path what i should do, despite the fact that the right thing to do is blazingly obvious to me. i hate that i think this much!!!
it's not easy being green - my head hurts.
Monday, August 22, 2005
pain in the neck
i need a massage. instead of the usual dull ache that i have at the base of my neck and across my shoulders (which i can live with most days), i have sharp, shooting pains that make it difficult for me to keep my head up for extended periods of time and it's hard for me to get out of bed. and i'm not sleeping well because the pain wakes me up frequently in the middle of the night.
i thought about phoning one of those mobile massage therapists - you know, the ones that bring their tables and their sheets and oil to your house? there was just something wrong with that to me - a bit dirty, if you will. so, i suffered through it all day yesterday and now, i've got to suffer with it at least another few hours. i made an appointment with a massage therapist about five minutes from where i work for five o'clock. hopefully, no body will need me at that time. i have no one working with me today - my boss is in waterloo this week - and the general counsel will be away for the next few days. they've left me to my own devices, which is never a good thing.
anyway, i found "my" massage therapist through a sheer stroke of luck. i first met him on my lunchbreak when i worked at the courthouse. he was and is the best massage therapist i've ever had. no other massage therapist has left me with zero pain the next day. he's got amazing hands :) and the best part is, i don't like him in that way! he's just a great massage therapist! i had my appointment with him this afternoon and i'm back again on saturday. sure, he works in kerrisdale but i always said that if i found him again, i'd follow him wherever he went. and i don't mean that in a stalkerish kind of way, i swear!
i thought about phoning one of those mobile massage therapists - you know, the ones that bring their tables and their sheets and oil to your house? there was just something wrong with that to me - a bit dirty, if you will. so, i suffered through it all day yesterday and now, i've got to suffer with it at least another few hours. i made an appointment with a massage therapist about five minutes from where i work for five o'clock. hopefully, no body will need me at that time. i have no one working with me today - my boss is in waterloo this week - and the general counsel will be away for the next few days. they've left me to my own devices, which is never a good thing.
anyway, i found "my" massage therapist through a sheer stroke of luck. i first met him on my lunchbreak when i worked at the courthouse. he was and is the best massage therapist i've ever had. no other massage therapist has left me with zero pain the next day. he's got amazing hands :) and the best part is, i don't like him in that way! he's just a great massage therapist! i had my appointment with him this afternoon and i'm back again on saturday. sure, he works in kerrisdale but i always said that if i found him again, i'd follow him wherever he went. and i don't mean that in a stalkerish kind of way, i swear!
Friday, August 05, 2005
PMS
"physical manifestations of stress", that is. i hung out with general counsel today. surprisingly, this was one of my best days at work. i had work that kept me busy all day, no one really bothered me and i left a little early, feeling quite good. i already know that monday will be a long day but KB said i could come in late to make up for it. she also said that she and nas had a little chat and suggested that we go out for dinner next week to talk about a couple of my "issues" that i have with work. she said that she had a couple of solutions or suggestions that might work for me. this stressed me out just hearing it come from her. what could she possibly offer me? my biggest problem is that i don't work with anyone. what can she do? either let me work in waterloo for the remainder of my contract or bring people out here to work with me. anyway, this got me thinking and when i went out this evening with my friend from my old work, i had my future on the brain.
we talked quite a bit about what i should do. in the end, she gave me no real advice, just that i shouldn't apply for law school at least until i've worked as a paralegal for a couple of years. i was more or less convinced that i should go back to my government job come december and then, who walks into the restaurant but my manager from my old job. she came over to say hi at the end of dinner and said to me, "your ears must've been burning today. we were talking about you and figuring out whether or not we should include you in the budget for next year. you should give me a call one of these days." we filled her in on our dinner conversation about what i should do and she immediately said, "go to law school." we laughed about that for awhile and then i asked her, seriously, what she thought i should do (because everyone knows i can't possibly make this decision by myself). she said, "if i were your age, i'd have the world at my feet." what does that mean?? she also suggested that i take a workshop at UBC that, at the end of it, basically tells you what you should be (for only $1500). if i had that kind of money kicking around, i would do it. but i'd be afraid of what it had to tell me. weird eh?
anyway, my "PMS" popped up surprisingly fast. you know the problem i've been having since i was in san fran last summer? that started up again without warning this evening. my jaw hurts from the clenched teeth. i'm sure i'll wake up with a face full of stress-zits. and i still have no idea what i'm going to do.
i am wavering between what i think will be good for me and the security of what i already have. as janet said, not everyone has the kind of job security i've been blessed with these past couple of years but it's also the one thing that's holding me back from doing something a little more daring - perhaps even holding me back from performing as well at my current job as i normally would. maybe that's why i hate it so much - because i know i can. if they fired me on monday, i would shrug, say "thanks for all the free stuff", and phone up my old work and tell them i'm coming back a couple months early. and they would have to put me somewhere. that's job security. but i know it is holding me back - i've gone over it in my head and, aside from the pension, there is nothing that i can get in government that i couldn't get in a job in private practice. the differences in medical benefits at my current job compared to my government ones are marginal, although government is still better. what am i so worried about?
so, i'm still waiting for someone to tell me what i should do. in the meantime, i'll have dinner with the big boss next week and then, if i like what she has to say (and we will need to talk $$), then i'll let judy know that i don't plan on returning in december. gawd, that's scary. but when do you stay on the well-lighted path and when do you veer off into the dark unknown?
we talked quite a bit about what i should do. in the end, she gave me no real advice, just that i shouldn't apply for law school at least until i've worked as a paralegal for a couple of years. i was more or less convinced that i should go back to my government job come december and then, who walks into the restaurant but my manager from my old job. she came over to say hi at the end of dinner and said to me, "your ears must've been burning today. we were talking about you and figuring out whether or not we should include you in the budget for next year. you should give me a call one of these days." we filled her in on our dinner conversation about what i should do and she immediately said, "go to law school." we laughed about that for awhile and then i asked her, seriously, what she thought i should do (because everyone knows i can't possibly make this decision by myself). she said, "if i were your age, i'd have the world at my feet." what does that mean?? she also suggested that i take a workshop at UBC that, at the end of it, basically tells you what you should be (for only $1500). if i had that kind of money kicking around, i would do it. but i'd be afraid of what it had to tell me. weird eh?
anyway, my "PMS" popped up surprisingly fast. you know the problem i've been having since i was in san fran last summer? that started up again without warning this evening. my jaw hurts from the clenched teeth. i'm sure i'll wake up with a face full of stress-zits. and i still have no idea what i'm going to do.
i am wavering between what i think will be good for me and the security of what i already have. as janet said, not everyone has the kind of job security i've been blessed with these past couple of years but it's also the one thing that's holding me back from doing something a little more daring - perhaps even holding me back from performing as well at my current job as i normally would. maybe that's why i hate it so much - because i know i can. if they fired me on monday, i would shrug, say "thanks for all the free stuff", and phone up my old work and tell them i'm coming back a couple months early. and they would have to put me somewhere. that's job security. but i know it is holding me back - i've gone over it in my head and, aside from the pension, there is nothing that i can get in government that i couldn't get in a job in private practice. the differences in medical benefits at my current job compared to my government ones are marginal, although government is still better. what am i so worried about?
so, i'm still waiting for someone to tell me what i should do. in the meantime, i'll have dinner with the big boss next week and then, if i like what she has to say (and we will need to talk $$), then i'll let judy know that i don't plan on returning in december. gawd, that's scary. but when do you stay on the well-lighted path and when do you veer off into the dark unknown?
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
stuff
my boss gave me two days off as a reward for working the hours i've been working - today and tomorrow. i worked today from 3:30 to about 6:30 on a project that needed to get finished. and i had to drive into town to do it, even though i could've easily done it from home (or from the beach, as it were). in any event, it appears as though i'll be able to have my full day off tomorrow, although i have some work things i have to do in preparation for going back to work on friday. oh well, at least i don't actually have to come in.
the wedding went well. we had lots of fun. we rented a speedboat on the sunday and went tubing (i'm still hurting). then, later on in the afternoon, we couldn't stand the heat so we went for a drift down the canal in our innertubes. it would've been fun had i been able to keep up with the group but for whatever reason, my tube refused to drift as fast as the others. instead, i made friends with three drunk young men who offered me "7up" and asked me if i wanted to float with them instead. luckily, they caught the current that everyone else seemed to be on and quickly drifted past me. the drive to and from penticton was surprisingly enjoyable. i had absolutely no traffic (i took the coquihalla this time - yes, i found it) so i was flying along the highway. at one point, i glanced down at my spedometer because i thought i was going about 110km - i was going about 140 and climbing so i slowed down. that freaked me out that i zoned out so much i didn't know how fast i was going. scary. and a stone wall hit my rear bumper. i still cringe everytime i look at it. what an idiot.
i went out for coffee (well, bubble tea, sans the bubbles for me) with one of my last remaining internet date guys. i really liked him. we got along really well over MSN - chatting and whatnot - but i'm not sure it translated in real time. i thought it went well and he said he had a good time (it was just tea and a walk through QE park - how very british!) but i'm somehow not convinced. i guess i'll know if he meant it if he phones me again. or at least gets in touch with me. sigh. i hate dating. :)
i get to phone and nag my favourite lawyer in waterloo tomorrow. he's so cute. he's also got chest pains and he's getting tested for a heart condition - at age 34! and, he went back to work to "finish off some stuff" before he went home. what a workaholic! if i was there, i would've taken care of him. i felt like saying that while he was on the phone with my boss (on speakerphone, of course). i actually had to cover my mouth at one point to stop myself from saying, "i'll take care of you!" oh well. wasn't meant to be - i'm not in waterloo, am i?
the wedding went well. we had lots of fun. we rented a speedboat on the sunday and went tubing (i'm still hurting). then, later on in the afternoon, we couldn't stand the heat so we went for a drift down the canal in our innertubes. it would've been fun had i been able to keep up with the group but for whatever reason, my tube refused to drift as fast as the others. instead, i made friends with three drunk young men who offered me "7up" and asked me if i wanted to float with them instead. luckily, they caught the current that everyone else seemed to be on and quickly drifted past me. the drive to and from penticton was surprisingly enjoyable. i had absolutely no traffic (i took the coquihalla this time - yes, i found it) so i was flying along the highway. at one point, i glanced down at my spedometer because i thought i was going about 110km - i was going about 140 and climbing so i slowed down. that freaked me out that i zoned out so much i didn't know how fast i was going. scary. and a stone wall hit my rear bumper. i still cringe everytime i look at it. what an idiot.
i went out for coffee (well, bubble tea, sans the bubbles for me) with one of my last remaining internet date guys. i really liked him. we got along really well over MSN - chatting and whatnot - but i'm not sure it translated in real time. i thought it went well and he said he had a good time (it was just tea and a walk through QE park - how very british!) but i'm somehow not convinced. i guess i'll know if he meant it if he phones me again. or at least gets in touch with me. sigh. i hate dating. :)
i get to phone and nag my favourite lawyer in waterloo tomorrow. he's so cute. he's also got chest pains and he's getting tested for a heart condition - at age 34! and, he went back to work to "finish off some stuff" before he went home. what a workaholic! if i was there, i would've taken care of him. i felt like saying that while he was on the phone with my boss (on speakerphone, of course). i actually had to cover my mouth at one point to stop myself from saying, "i'll take care of you!" oh well. wasn't meant to be - i'm not in waterloo, am i?
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