boredom

i'm bored. i'm not even sure how it happened.

i haven't felt this bored since i was home over the Christmas break. i'm literally wandering from room to room, thinking about what to do.

i lie - i know how it happened. i remembered that Ballet BC was doing a performance tonight and i went online to see if i could find tickets as tonight was the last night of the show. there were still tickets left, even the cheapest ones, and i contemplated going alone. i decided to text Doc Tardy to see if she wanted to go but she already had plans. my mistake came when i decided that i shouldn't go, because i reminded myself that February was going to be the month i did not spend extraneously.

instead, i finished the book for my new book club (where we are only studying this one book) and then took some notes for our meeting tomorrow. and then, this overwhelming feeling over me - restlessness.

however, i also don't know what i feel like doing, or whether i even have the energy to do anything at all, which is making the boredom difficult to ease.

i considered stepping outside of my box and going to the pub down the street to get a bite to eat. and then i realized that it was a saturday night and i didn't really want to be that woman who went to a pub on a saturday night at 9 pm, alone. but i'm still hungry. and i have no good food in the house.

i listened to my Italian language CDs. i looked through my DVDs. i eyeballed my stacks of unread books. i already danced this morning while i was doing some chores so i don't feel like doing that again. i took the Lunatic for a walk in the cool, crisp air and she really wasn't that interested in it so i came back inside. i'm not tired enough to go to sleep.

i even thought of CALLING people. on the PHONE. THAT is how bored i am. instead, i turn to the only thing i know how to do when nothing else will do - write and overanalyze.

what is boredom? moreover, is this boredom i'm feeling, or is it something else entirely, like depression? does boredom stem from over-stimulation of the senses or from lack of motivation? what cures boredom for someone whose usual activities signal boredom to other people?

admittedly, i sent Crush a text to see what he was doing in the hopes that his answer would be nothing so i'd have an opening. but he said he was staying home with his housemate and watching a movie. he didn't mention what movie when i asked. i think it's porn. and i think he might be gay. but that's another post entirely.

anyway, back to my boredom. i don't even want to watch a movie or one of my favorite shows on DVD. i've been "fishing" for 30 minutes, and have cast out a few friendly nets just to see if i can get a bite, if you pick up what i'm layin' down.

it's 10:30. i'm going to bed.