Doc Tardy and i were supping on a patio in Kits on saturday night. beside us, a group of 11 (count 'em!) men, aged 30 - 40, all watching the replay of one of the world cup games. we were on the patio beside them for three hours. ask me how many numbers i got.
you're correct! zero. i turned to Doc and said, "this is punishment. this is God testing my chutzpah and proving to me that i am not willing to make myself available for a nice guy, or any guy." she pooh-poohed that and said, "it'll happen when it's meant to happen for us."
i said, without even trying to lower my voice, "it ain't happening because we're not letting it happen!!! there are 11 of them and we haven't made eye contact or smiled at any one of them! ELEVEN!" and they just kept coming. at one point, there were 13. i nearly cried.
but i didn't make eye contact. not even by mistake.
you wonder why i'm single? it's because i MAKE myself single!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
self-check
i'm fascinated by non-verbal communication and have been since i was in high school. i remember one summer i read every book that the local public library had on face reading and body language that was written for the general public (they had academic texts as well, but i was 15 at the time and it was beyond me. still is, to be honest). the TV show "Lie to Me" was a godsend. it brought all of what i learned into context.
i think it interests me so much because i feel like i already have an innate sense of feelings and emotions and learning the academic side of it just assists in honing that in-born skill.
i use what i know to take stock of how people are feeling in social situations. and of course, i use it to analyze potential love-interests to see whether or not they feel the same about me. if i were to go by non-verbals alone, i'd say Bertrand is really interested in me and Crush is not.
this week, i decided that i would study my books again, because i've now accumulated lots of books on body language over the past few years. this time, i would study one action each week and look for it in every person i saw. i think that would ensure that i understood what the action looked like and what it said.
as i was re-reading one of my books, it reminded me that, as with everything in life, you have to look at non-verbal cues in context with everything else. so, crossed-arms generally say that the person is closed off or unfriendly, but what happens if the air conditioning is blasting and they're in bare arms and no sweater?
of course, then it made me think that i should assess my own body language and see whether how i think i feel about both Bertrand and Crush is actually how i feel. i know that when i see and talk to Bertrand, which is rare, both of us are really open in our non-verbals. there's a lot of maintained eye contact and he always turns to face me. he keeps a close distance, standing in what's called the "intimate zone" (between 1 - 3 feet from the other person), instead of the "social zone", which is generally 3 - 5 feet from the other person. if we're sitting around the boardroom table at after work drinks, his feet and sometimes his entire body is pointed towards me, even though he may be speaking to someone else. and yet, we never talk at any other time. i don't make efforts to stop by his office to chat and he only chats with me when he needs something or is waiting to speak to someone near my desk and that person is busy and he wants to kill time.
in contrast, Crush chats with me all the time (although not nearly as much now that he's in a different office on the other side of the office), albeit about work, but he makes efforts. other people have remarked that he's always chatting with me and that he doesn't make many efforts to make convo with anyone else. yet his body language is so different. if we're around the boardroom table, he'll turn his head to talk to me, but his feet and body stay pointing straight ahead of him. if we're standing in a group, his feet are never pointed towards me. he does raise his eyebrows, and therefore widens his eyes, if he walks past me in the hallway (the eyes' way of taking in a sight they like) and he'll talk to me endlessly about work-things that most people would have spent five minutes on.
as for me, i think i hold back. i was chatting with Sands yesterday and could see Crush walking through the library in the reflection in the window. it looked like he changed his direction once he saw me (i assume, since he knew Sands would be sitting in her desk but wouldn't necessarily think i would be standing there too), and lumbered his way towards us. but then, he pointed his entire body towards Sands while telling both of us about his day at a mediation. he'd turn his head to tell me about it (and mostly me about it), but his feet and shoulders were pointed straight towards Sands. I turned my body fully towards him and saw a piece of lint on his shoulder. i was going to pick it off but decided not to as it was a little personal, but i think i should have. if i'm going to convey interest, i have to start touching him soon. otherwise, it will go no where.
which makes me think - is he holding back? i mean, if i'm holding back because i don't want to appear too over-eager, then maybe he is too. or maybe i'm not as interested as i think i am, or want to be.
people wonder why i'm still single. it's because it's far too complicated to be anything else, at least in my head. :)
although, there was this one time i was sitting in my chair at my desk and turned with my back to the shared printer. Crush came around my desk to get something he had printed and two seconds later, i turned to face him and noticed that when i was facing him full on (or his mid-section full-on), he sucked in is gut. i thought that was either coincidental, or really cute.
i think it interests me so much because i feel like i already have an innate sense of feelings and emotions and learning the academic side of it just assists in honing that in-born skill.
i use what i know to take stock of how people are feeling in social situations. and of course, i use it to analyze potential love-interests to see whether or not they feel the same about me. if i were to go by non-verbals alone, i'd say Bertrand is really interested in me and Crush is not.
this week, i decided that i would study my books again, because i've now accumulated lots of books on body language over the past few years. this time, i would study one action each week and look for it in every person i saw. i think that would ensure that i understood what the action looked like and what it said.
as i was re-reading one of my books, it reminded me that, as with everything in life, you have to look at non-verbal cues in context with everything else. so, crossed-arms generally say that the person is closed off or unfriendly, but what happens if the air conditioning is blasting and they're in bare arms and no sweater?
of course, then it made me think that i should assess my own body language and see whether how i think i feel about both Bertrand and Crush is actually how i feel. i know that when i see and talk to Bertrand, which is rare, both of us are really open in our non-verbals. there's a lot of maintained eye contact and he always turns to face me. he keeps a close distance, standing in what's called the "intimate zone" (between 1 - 3 feet from the other person), instead of the "social zone", which is generally 3 - 5 feet from the other person. if we're sitting around the boardroom table at after work drinks, his feet and sometimes his entire body is pointed towards me, even though he may be speaking to someone else. and yet, we never talk at any other time. i don't make efforts to stop by his office to chat and he only chats with me when he needs something or is waiting to speak to someone near my desk and that person is busy and he wants to kill time.
in contrast, Crush chats with me all the time (although not nearly as much now that he's in a different office on the other side of the office), albeit about work, but he makes efforts. other people have remarked that he's always chatting with me and that he doesn't make many efforts to make convo with anyone else. yet his body language is so different. if we're around the boardroom table, he'll turn his head to talk to me, but his feet and body stay pointing straight ahead of him. if we're standing in a group, his feet are never pointed towards me. he does raise his eyebrows, and therefore widens his eyes, if he walks past me in the hallway (the eyes' way of taking in a sight they like) and he'll talk to me endlessly about work-things that most people would have spent five minutes on.
as for me, i think i hold back. i was chatting with Sands yesterday and could see Crush walking through the library in the reflection in the window. it looked like he changed his direction once he saw me (i assume, since he knew Sands would be sitting in her desk but wouldn't necessarily think i would be standing there too), and lumbered his way towards us. but then, he pointed his entire body towards Sands while telling both of us about his day at a mediation. he'd turn his head to tell me about it (and mostly me about it), but his feet and shoulders were pointed straight towards Sands. I turned my body fully towards him and saw a piece of lint on his shoulder. i was going to pick it off but decided not to as it was a little personal, but i think i should have. if i'm going to convey interest, i have to start touching him soon. otherwise, it will go no where.
which makes me think - is he holding back? i mean, if i'm holding back because i don't want to appear too over-eager, then maybe he is too. or maybe i'm not as interested as i think i am, or want to be.
people wonder why i'm still single. it's because it's far too complicated to be anything else, at least in my head. :)
although, there was this one time i was sitting in my chair at my desk and turned with my back to the shared printer. Crush came around my desk to get something he had printed and two seconds later, i turned to face him and noticed that when i was facing him full on (or his mid-section full-on), he sucked in is gut. i thought that was either coincidental, or really cute.
Monday, June 07, 2010
huh.
i was with my mom this evening and we were chatting about my dad. she said she knew something that she wasn't sure she should tell me. she had previously been telling me how my dad was reporting to her that i spent so much money and that i was making more than him and i still didn't have any money. i gathered from that that he had been looking at my paystubs and mastercard bills. that's okay - i left them out so it was fair game.
so, when she said she knew something, i thought perhaps that my dad ratted me out and told her i still had a large balance on my credit card. what she told me really surprised me. apparently, my dad is worried about me because i don't have kids yet.
the story is this: she picked him up to take him somewhere because she had borrowed his car. he gets in the car and closes the door with a heavy sigh. she says, "what's wrong?" and he says, "it's CG. i'm worried about her." she says, "why?" he says, "she's 33 years old and instead of taking care of her kids, she's taking care of her dog. and, look at me! instead of taking care of my grand-kids, i'm taking care of her dog." she said he actually got a little emotional; maybe even teared up a bit.
huh? this i expected from my mom. that's why i had the talk with her a few years ago (that she conveniently doesn't remember) about how i wasn't sure that i was meant to have kids and that i wasn't concerned about whether i had them or not. maybe i should have included my dad in that conversation too.
i know it's not the right reason to have kids but i have a feeling it would really help my dad out of his funk if he had little ones to take care of.
no pressure.
so, when she said she knew something, i thought perhaps that my dad ratted me out and told her i still had a large balance on my credit card. what she told me really surprised me. apparently, my dad is worried about me because i don't have kids yet.
the story is this: she picked him up to take him somewhere because she had borrowed his car. he gets in the car and closes the door with a heavy sigh. she says, "what's wrong?" and he says, "it's CG. i'm worried about her." she says, "why?" he says, "she's 33 years old and instead of taking care of her kids, she's taking care of her dog. and, look at me! instead of taking care of my grand-kids, i'm taking care of her dog." she said he actually got a little emotional; maybe even teared up a bit.
huh? this i expected from my mom. that's why i had the talk with her a few years ago (that she conveniently doesn't remember) about how i wasn't sure that i was meant to have kids and that i wasn't concerned about whether i had them or not. maybe i should have included my dad in that conversation too.
i know it's not the right reason to have kids but i have a feeling it would really help my dad out of his funk if he had little ones to take care of.
no pressure.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
rain
just got in from an afternoon stroll with my Lunatic. it's pissing outside. i'm quite certain she is now sitting on top of my clean clothes on my bed, still a little damp from being Sham-wowed.
i attempted to do some purging today. i tackled my 3 rubbermaid totes and managed to purge a whack of sweaters and some too-tight capris pants from summers past. but i still have a bursting closet. and i want to buy more clothes.
it's june and you know what that means - the gloves are slowly coming off. the three-month moratorium on Crush is now over. i am going to ramp-up my attempts at... i don't know. do we call it 'flirting'? anyway, yeah. that's my plan.
in other news, BabyMan is away for the week and has asked me to revive his bonsai tree while he's away. (hmm. that sounds dirty.) he said, and i quote, "that can be your new challenge." arse.
did i tell you i think there might be something neurologically wrong with me? more often than not, as i type i spell out words wrong. and not as in a typo - as in when i just typed out "not", my brain told me to type out "knot". and up top, where i said rubbermaid totes, my brain told me and i did, type out "rubbermaide toates". toates m'goats.
time to get ready for ballet.
i attempted to do some purging today. i tackled my 3 rubbermaid totes and managed to purge a whack of sweaters and some too-tight capris pants from summers past. but i still have a bursting closet. and i want to buy more clothes.
it's june and you know what that means - the gloves are slowly coming off. the three-month moratorium on Crush is now over. i am going to ramp-up my attempts at... i don't know. do we call it 'flirting'? anyway, yeah. that's my plan.
in other news, BabyMan is away for the week and has asked me to revive his bonsai tree while he's away. (hmm. that sounds dirty.) he said, and i quote, "that can be your new challenge." arse.
did i tell you i think there might be something neurologically wrong with me? more often than not, as i type i spell out words wrong. and not as in a typo - as in when i just typed out "not", my brain told me to type out "knot". and up top, where i said rubbermaid totes, my brain told me and i did, type out "rubbermaide toates". toates m'goats.
time to get ready for ballet.
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