so i'm back in touch with MMM. except, he's only MM now. thank you, facebook! initially, when he e-mailed a response to me, his stats listed him as "single" and he was looking for just about anything. two days later, he listed himself as "in a relationship" and only looking for friendship.
i can't say i wasn't disappointed. let's face it - i've thought about him, on and off, for the better part of 10 years. now, i've been seemingly given a second chance but it's quickly snatched from me. oh well.
people are popping up and adding me on facebook that i never thought i'd hear from. still no really good surprises (aside from MM) but it's fun.
feeling a bit under the weather today but will go to my aerobics class tonight - it's disco fever! i think this is the best way for me to exercise - every week, we do a different dance so every week, i am kept wondering about what the new moves are going to be. keep it fresh, you know?
i went to a fundraising dinner on friday night for HOPE International. i participated in the silent auction (although half of the items were made in the Philippines and all i could think was, "i could probably buy that for $10) and i watched the video that was designed to tug at your heartstrings and pocketbooks. by the end, i had rekindled my desire to adopt from overseas, probably from the Philippines. my only concern would be that, if i were to adopt a child from the Philippines, would i end up turning them into a "coconut" like me (you know, brown on the outside, white on the inside)? i suppose my parents and the rest of the family could assist in keeping the kid's language skills in tact (i would single-handedly destroy that!). i would have to move to a bigger place. but beyond that, i think it is definitely back in my mind as the thing to do when i'm 35. four short years away. maybe 40. :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
second verse, same as the first
i think i may have used that title before. then again, it fits with the theme of this post.
i might as well copy the previous posts i've made about MGF. i had coffee with him today. we met at the mall. he had a protein shake and i had a mango slushie. we sat and talked at the food fair. then we walked to winners and browsed. he gave me advice about shoes guys like. i can tell you now that we don't have the same taste in shoes. then we wandered around the bay and sears. we sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and then he finally admitted his tiredness and we parted ways. he offered me a ride to the skytrain (we were in the mall, within walking distance of a station) and i took a raincheck. he hugged me once. gave me shit about not getting together more often. then he hugged me again. i think he just wanted to feel me up. kidding.
anyway, i've been sort of dreamy ever since. i wonder if i actually believe we won't ever get together. we get along really well. i enjoy spending time with him. yet, i know that if we were to get together... i can't even finish that thought. i just don't think we're compatible in That way. goodness knows we've talked about it enough, generally speaking.
i like what we have - i'd just like to have it more often. he's leaving that up to me. typical.
i might as well copy the previous posts i've made about MGF. i had coffee with him today. we met at the mall. he had a protein shake and i had a mango slushie. we sat and talked at the food fair. then we walked to winners and browsed. he gave me advice about shoes guys like. i can tell you now that we don't have the same taste in shoes. then we wandered around the bay and sears. we sat on a bench in the middle of the mall and then he finally admitted his tiredness and we parted ways. he offered me a ride to the skytrain (we were in the mall, within walking distance of a station) and i took a raincheck. he hugged me once. gave me shit about not getting together more often. then he hugged me again. i think he just wanted to feel me up. kidding.
anyway, i've been sort of dreamy ever since. i wonder if i actually believe we won't ever get together. we get along really well. i enjoy spending time with him. yet, i know that if we were to get together... i can't even finish that thought. i just don't think we're compatible in That way. goodness knows we've talked about it enough, generally speaking.
i like what we have - i'd just like to have it more often. he's leaving that up to me. typical.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
to thine own self...
at nearly 31 years old (two months today!), i find myself, once again, asking myself the question, "who are you?"
i finally gave in and joined the newest rage in friendship communities online. i had two invitations to join so now i have two friends. i sent out some invitations (five) so i might have a total of seven friends by the end of the week. i decided to see who else was on that i knew might be. i searched some people by the school tool. first, my highschool. only four people came up from my graduating class (one of them, an ex-boyfriend) but they were all "friends". everyone had at least 50 friends.
i then searched individual people whom i knew would be into this sort of thing. sure enough, there they were. one had 115 friends; another had 91.
as i logged off the site after a few minutes of poking around, i thought to myself that there was no way i'd ever have that many people as my "friends" on the site because: a) i don't know that many people who i would be "friends" enough with to ask to be on there; and b) of my friends who i do like enough to be on there, majority of them don't use these kinds of online communities.
this whole 20 minute experience got me thinking about what kind of person i am and am i happy that way?
on the one hand, i'd love to have pages and pages of friends' faces and profiles to scroll through and in turn, being able to see their friends and connections.
on the other hand, i find it tiring just thinking about having to keep up with all of the connections - i know and am chummy with a lot of people but only a handful of them would i spend any time with. and why would it matter to me if i had 10 friends or if i had 100 friends on this site? i don't spend a lot of time with upkeep on these type of sites anyway. it would just be for everyone else to see that i have lots of connections. i know what kind of connections i have; does it matter to everyone else?
and so, once again i'm faced with questioning who i am - really. am i the social loner who will only come out to play and have fun with people i've deemed true friends? or, am i the shy, wannabe-socialite who desperately wants to have a busy life but can't come out of her shell?
i know the answer and 99% of the time, i'm happy and very comfortable with who i am. but every once in awhile, about 1% of the time, i wish i was "out there", experiencing life in a way that, 99% of the time, makes me feel trapped and tired.
the 1% days are very hard to deal with sometimes. and objectively speaking, the people that cause me to second-guess my nature are generally people that i don't have any desire to be friends with anyway. but often, they are the "fun" people who everybody likes because they are fun. one girl i work with (and don't get me wrong - i like her and she's a "fun" girl) said to me one evening out (the night we all went to the casino), "you don't drink; you don't smoke; you don't gamble. what do you do? do you fuck at least? geez!" she laughed in good fun but i must say the comment hurt a bit. apparently, vices make you fun. that's probably why i don't hang out with her and A when they invite me - they're not enough like me. there aren't enough similar substances among us.
that being said, i definitely had a 1% weekend last saturday. i haven't stayed out until 5 in the morning since Walang Hiya - Mazatlan. hmm... 99 more weekends to go until the next one, i guess. :)
i finally gave in and joined the newest rage in friendship communities online. i had two invitations to join so now i have two friends. i sent out some invitations (five) so i might have a total of seven friends by the end of the week. i decided to see who else was on that i knew might be. i searched some people by the school tool. first, my highschool. only four people came up from my graduating class (one of them, an ex-boyfriend) but they were all "friends". everyone had at least 50 friends.
i then searched individual people whom i knew would be into this sort of thing. sure enough, there they were. one had 115 friends; another had 91.
as i logged off the site after a few minutes of poking around, i thought to myself that there was no way i'd ever have that many people as my "friends" on the site because: a) i don't know that many people who i would be "friends" enough with to ask to be on there; and b) of my friends who i do like enough to be on there, majority of them don't use these kinds of online communities.
this whole 20 minute experience got me thinking about what kind of person i am and am i happy that way?
on the one hand, i'd love to have pages and pages of friends' faces and profiles to scroll through and in turn, being able to see their friends and connections.
on the other hand, i find it tiring just thinking about having to keep up with all of the connections - i know and am chummy with a lot of people but only a handful of them would i spend any time with. and why would it matter to me if i had 10 friends or if i had 100 friends on this site? i don't spend a lot of time with upkeep on these type of sites anyway. it would just be for everyone else to see that i have lots of connections. i know what kind of connections i have; does it matter to everyone else?
and so, once again i'm faced with questioning who i am - really. am i the social loner who will only come out to play and have fun with people i've deemed true friends? or, am i the shy, wannabe-socialite who desperately wants to have a busy life but can't come out of her shell?
i know the answer and 99% of the time, i'm happy and very comfortable with who i am. but every once in awhile, about 1% of the time, i wish i was "out there", experiencing life in a way that, 99% of the time, makes me feel trapped and tired.
the 1% days are very hard to deal with sometimes. and objectively speaking, the people that cause me to second-guess my nature are generally people that i don't have any desire to be friends with anyway. but often, they are the "fun" people who everybody likes because they are fun. one girl i work with (and don't get me wrong - i like her and she's a "fun" girl) said to me one evening out (the night we all went to the casino), "you don't drink; you don't smoke; you don't gamble. what do you do? do you fuck at least? geez!" she laughed in good fun but i must say the comment hurt a bit. apparently, vices make you fun. that's probably why i don't hang out with her and A when they invite me - they're not enough like me. there aren't enough similar substances among us.
that being said, i definitely had a 1% weekend last saturday. i haven't stayed out until 5 in the morning since Walang Hiya - Mazatlan. hmm... 99 more weekends to go until the next one, i guess. :)
Thursday, April 19, 2007
i found my banana bread
a few days ago, i had a loaf of banana bread. i sliced the remaining part of the loaf into two pieces and wrapped them individually in cellophane. i packed one with my lunch and put the other one in the fridge to have the next day. i remember it was an end piece - i love the end piece.
the next day, i was packing my lunch and went into the fridge to pack the other piece of banana bread. it was gone. i looked behind and on top of everything in the fridge (and trust me, there ain't much to look behind). i looked behind and on top of all the condiments. i looked in the freezer. on top of the counter. in the cupboards. in the garbage. in my recycling. in my computer room. in the drawers. it was gone. no where to be found. a day or so later, i looked again. nothing. not two minutes ago, i looked in my fridge to see what there was to have for dinner. and there was my end-piece of banana bread, wrapped in cellophane. WTF. this either means things are getting better or i'm going crazy. at this point, it could go either way.
i'm in a foul mood today. foul. f-o-u-l. with a capital "F". i hate these kind of days. everything pissed me off today. it got so bad that my receptionist actually went to my administrator and told her about the Mentor's game playing activities and said, "if you don't do something about it, you're going to lose an employee." no wonder she was especially nice to me this afternoon. i even got a little snippy with her, which i feel bad about, but it was not a good day. when i got home, the neighbour's dog barked at me from behind their door. i yelled at it to shut the fuck up. it's THAT bad.
i'm very glad i'm home and alone right now. maybe i should watch the game. at least i can yell at the TV and not worry about hurting it's feelings. i wish i had ice-cream.
the next day, i was packing my lunch and went into the fridge to pack the other piece of banana bread. it was gone. i looked behind and on top of everything in the fridge (and trust me, there ain't much to look behind). i looked behind and on top of all the condiments. i looked in the freezer. on top of the counter. in the cupboards. in the garbage. in my recycling. in my computer room. in the drawers. it was gone. no where to be found. a day or so later, i looked again. nothing. not two minutes ago, i looked in my fridge to see what there was to have for dinner. and there was my end-piece of banana bread, wrapped in cellophane. WTF. this either means things are getting better or i'm going crazy. at this point, it could go either way.
i'm in a foul mood today. foul. f-o-u-l. with a capital "F". i hate these kind of days. everything pissed me off today. it got so bad that my receptionist actually went to my administrator and told her about the Mentor's game playing activities and said, "if you don't do something about it, you're going to lose an employee." no wonder she was especially nice to me this afternoon. i even got a little snippy with her, which i feel bad about, but it was not a good day. when i got home, the neighbour's dog barked at me from behind their door. i yelled at it to shut the fuck up. it's THAT bad.
i'm very glad i'm home and alone right now. maybe i should watch the game. at least i can yell at the TV and not worry about hurting it's feelings. i wish i had ice-cream.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
tired but unusually happy
it's a beautiful spring Sunday. the birds are singing. the air is cool but the sun is warm. children are playing outside as their parents chat nearby. all is right with the world. despite a fairly busy weekend, i'm so cheerful today. full of cheer. cheer-infused.
i had a family get together at my uncle's house on friday night. i got home from work and freshened up and then i went to pick up my brother and the Mother and off we went. i didn't get home until 3 and not to bed until nearly 3:30. i had been awake and on the go for about 22 hours. not a typical friday for me.
saturday, i finally dragged myself out of bed at 9:30. had breakfast, watched a bit of a movie, thought hard about cleaning up and doing laundry but continued to watch TV instead. at about 3pm, i phoned my visiting friend to make our plans for the evening. we were going to see the Howler's band play at the Pic that evening but his band was going on last. we decided i would pick her up around 10pm and head down. i then went back to bed and slept for three hours. i woke up at 6:30 and decided it was time to clear out my recycling for the week so i did and my place is now clutter-free until next weekend. to reward myself, i ordered in some chinese food. shortly after i hung up with Fortune Palace, the Howler phones me and asks what i'm doing and do i want to meet up before the show and grab some food? i regretfully inform him that i've already ordered dinner and that Doc Tardy had family commitments. i think he was disappointed but that's what you get when you phone me at 7pm to make plans.
i picked up Doc Tardy and we set off to the Pic. after initially stopping in the wrong area of town, we found the place and went in. the Howler was already there with his band - turns out his bass player is smokin' hot! i recall seeing him at the last show but never up close. from where i was sitting, he looked cute but kind of skinny and young. the Howler was chatting with him and i looked at Doc Tardy and mouthed, "HOLY F!" she gave me the same look. he had dark hair, dark eyes, very cute smile, even cuter english accent and let's just say, i hated to see him go but i loved to watch him walk away. oy, the tush!
anyway, i chatted with the bass player's friend for a spell as we marvelled at the first couple of bands that were playing. marvelled, but not in a good way. we were sitting away from the Howler and his bandmates so we all joined them at the bar where we stayed until their band went on. i was having a really good time. the Howler has very nice friends, generally, so i don't really worry about attitudes and the like.
here's where my confession comes in. i invited my OC to meet us. the last time we all had lunch, he kept saying how he was trying to make an effort to get out more and stop sitting in his living room so i invited him to come along to the show. he had expressed interest in going to the previous one but never showed up. i didn't expect him to come to this one either but i asked anyway.
so Doc and i are standing there and she says, "is he coming? did you phone him?" there was discussion as to whether i should and i finally decided that it was 10:30 on a saturday night - why not? as i walked to the entrance of the pub where it was quieter to make the call, there he was at the door, paying his cover fee. i couldn't believe it.
he had brought his friend and most current futon-surfer, Shorty, and the evening at its elevated state, began. it was surreal. not in the sense that i was floating on cloud 9 because i spent my saturday evening with my OC but in the sense that i was actually out on a saturday night, with a big group of people, watching live indy bands in a pub downtown. after that pub closed, we all walked to another pub in a not so great area (where the band played their last gig). we walked in and there was a punk band on stage and lots of people in studded-leather everything, ripped nylons, bullet-belts, and varying-colored mohawks, all watching said punk band. the Howler's guitar player leaned over to me as we sat down and said, "this is their normal crowd, just in case you were wondering!"
this is where i chatted up the Hot Bass Player (he was apologetic about his accent when i asked where he was from. he said, "oh, i'm from london but i've been here now for about eight or nine years but i still have this accent..." to which i replied, "no, i'm not complaining - keep talking!"). this is where i watched the last punk band leave the stage and the dj started playing music that's in my iPod and all of the punk people came alive and started to dance and gyrate wildly to the likes of "smooth criminal", "hurts so good" and "bust a move". this is where i sat there while the OC phoned A at 2 am and left a message on her voicemail saying he was here at the pub with me and to phone us back and let us know what she's up to. this is where i stood and talked to the OC's friend and listened to him tell me to continue asking the OC out because he actually wanted to get out of the house - he was just too lazy. surreal.
when the bar closed at 3, most of our group left us, leaving me and Doc with the OC and Shorty. they walked us back to the car (or rather, Shorty did. the OC disappeared and when i phoned him, he was standing in front of the parking garage i was in. weird.) and i drove them home. the OC invited us up for drinks. i told him that i'd like to but Doc needed to get home and pack. we stood in the middle of 4th avenue for a good 15 minutes talking and joking. Shorty left us there and went upstairs. the OC managed to tear himself away after taking a long time to enter my phone number into his cell phone (even Doc said, "he was totally stalling!"). we said goodbye, and Doc and I got in the car and the OC watched us drive off. I got home after dropping off Doc and was in bed by 5am, probably asleep by 5:15. it was a great, fabulous night. and judging by the amount of time i've spent humming tunes all day, i think this mood will carry over to at least monday morning.
it's a good thing.
i had a family get together at my uncle's house on friday night. i got home from work and freshened up and then i went to pick up my brother and the Mother and off we went. i didn't get home until 3 and not to bed until nearly 3:30. i had been awake and on the go for about 22 hours. not a typical friday for me.
saturday, i finally dragged myself out of bed at 9:30. had breakfast, watched a bit of a movie, thought hard about cleaning up and doing laundry but continued to watch TV instead. at about 3pm, i phoned my visiting friend to make our plans for the evening. we were going to see the Howler's band play at the Pic that evening but his band was going on last. we decided i would pick her up around 10pm and head down. i then went back to bed and slept for three hours. i woke up at 6:30 and decided it was time to clear out my recycling for the week so i did and my place is now clutter-free until next weekend. to reward myself, i ordered in some chinese food. shortly after i hung up with Fortune Palace, the Howler phones me and asks what i'm doing and do i want to meet up before the show and grab some food? i regretfully inform him that i've already ordered dinner and that Doc Tardy had family commitments. i think he was disappointed but that's what you get when you phone me at 7pm to make plans.
i picked up Doc Tardy and we set off to the Pic. after initially stopping in the wrong area of town, we found the place and went in. the Howler was already there with his band - turns out his bass player is smokin' hot! i recall seeing him at the last show but never up close. from where i was sitting, he looked cute but kind of skinny and young. the Howler was chatting with him and i looked at Doc Tardy and mouthed, "HOLY F!" she gave me the same look. he had dark hair, dark eyes, very cute smile, even cuter english accent and let's just say, i hated to see him go but i loved to watch him walk away. oy, the tush!
anyway, i chatted with the bass player's friend for a spell as we marvelled at the first couple of bands that were playing. marvelled, but not in a good way. we were sitting away from the Howler and his bandmates so we all joined them at the bar where we stayed until their band went on. i was having a really good time. the Howler has very nice friends, generally, so i don't really worry about attitudes and the like.
here's where my confession comes in. i invited my OC to meet us. the last time we all had lunch, he kept saying how he was trying to make an effort to get out more and stop sitting in his living room so i invited him to come along to the show. he had expressed interest in going to the previous one but never showed up. i didn't expect him to come to this one either but i asked anyway.
so Doc and i are standing there and she says, "is he coming? did you phone him?" there was discussion as to whether i should and i finally decided that it was 10:30 on a saturday night - why not? as i walked to the entrance of the pub where it was quieter to make the call, there he was at the door, paying his cover fee. i couldn't believe it.
he had brought his friend and most current futon-surfer, Shorty, and the evening at its elevated state, began. it was surreal. not in the sense that i was floating on cloud 9 because i spent my saturday evening with my OC but in the sense that i was actually out on a saturday night, with a big group of people, watching live indy bands in a pub downtown. after that pub closed, we all walked to another pub in a not so great area (where the band played their last gig). we walked in and there was a punk band on stage and lots of people in studded-leather everything, ripped nylons, bullet-belts, and varying-colored mohawks, all watching said punk band. the Howler's guitar player leaned over to me as we sat down and said, "this is their normal crowd, just in case you were wondering!"
this is where i chatted up the Hot Bass Player (he was apologetic about his accent when i asked where he was from. he said, "oh, i'm from london but i've been here now for about eight or nine years but i still have this accent..." to which i replied, "no, i'm not complaining - keep talking!"). this is where i watched the last punk band leave the stage and the dj started playing music that's in my iPod and all of the punk people came alive and started to dance and gyrate wildly to the likes of "smooth criminal", "hurts so good" and "bust a move". this is where i sat there while the OC phoned A at 2 am and left a message on her voicemail saying he was here at the pub with me and to phone us back and let us know what she's up to. this is where i stood and talked to the OC's friend and listened to him tell me to continue asking the OC out because he actually wanted to get out of the house - he was just too lazy. surreal.
when the bar closed at 3, most of our group left us, leaving me and Doc with the OC and Shorty. they walked us back to the car (or rather, Shorty did. the OC disappeared and when i phoned him, he was standing in front of the parking garage i was in. weird.) and i drove them home. the OC invited us up for drinks. i told him that i'd like to but Doc needed to get home and pack. we stood in the middle of 4th avenue for a good 15 minutes talking and joking. Shorty left us there and went upstairs. the OC managed to tear himself away after taking a long time to enter my phone number into his cell phone (even Doc said, "he was totally stalling!"). we said goodbye, and Doc and I got in the car and the OC watched us drive off. I got home after dropping off Doc and was in bed by 5am, probably asleep by 5:15. it was a great, fabulous night. and judging by the amount of time i've spent humming tunes all day, i think this mood will carry over to at least monday morning.
it's a good thing.
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