black dog

i know this girl. overall and in the greater scheme of things, she's got a pretty good life. she has a good job that she loves, an abundance of good friends, and a loving, extended family. she's well-educated, bright and always curious about learning new things. she owns her own home, has paid off her car, has no student loans to pay off and, aside from some irresponsible but manageable credit card debt, she only has a mortgage to worry about. she's healthy; she could eat better and could stand to lose a few pounds and aside from an on-going but non-life threatening health issue that is currently being monitored, she can't complain. from this side of the fence, i wouldn't mind having her life.

in the past few weeks, since after Christmas, she's been more reclusive than even she's used to. despite the fact that she has friends that she could be going out with or visiting on the weekend, she chooses to stay at home, by herself, and watch tv. she tells people she reads too, but she hasn't read a book - or at least, hasn't finished one - in many, many months. she hardly ever phones her friends to keep in touch and has stopped sending e-mails (her favorite form of communication), not because she doesn't want to but more because she hasn't really thought about it. she thought it was because she didn't want to spend any more money than she had to - she has credit card debt to pay off, after all. she thought it would be smart just to sacrifice some her social life so she could pay off her debt more quickly. but she hasn't been exercising or going for the walks she said she would go on and it's gotten to the point where the mere thought of having to leave her apartment without a really good reason (i.e. going to work) has become more and more daunting. she thought it was just laziness. she thought it was just the return of her roller-coaster moods after a few years of steady contentment. maybe it has something to do with the on-going but non-life threatening health issue. she thought it was a phase - after all, she didn't feel depressed. for the most part, she was happy with her life. but when you see her symptoms written down, there's no doubt that she is depressed.

today, she slept in until 10 - unheard of on most weekends but she was out late last night. she lay on the couch and watched tv until about 4 when she finally decided to force herself to shower and change. except something inside snapped and she started to cry. she sat on her couch, crying, but not understanding why. it wasn't PMS. it wasn't a sad commercial on tv. it was nothing. this frustrated her so much - this crying over nothing - that she started to cry harder. she managed to gain control of herself after a few moments - enough to finish the show she was watching - and then she showered, changed and went to run some quick errands. when she got back, she barely got through the front door before she started to cry again. now, she thinks she's crazy.

i don't know how to help her. maybe it's just a phase. maybe it's just stress finding its way out and it'll be over by tomorrow. it's a bit scary for her. she's starting to think she's fooled herself completely by just pretending she was happy with life. personally, i don't think she has but there is definitely something wrong. she doesn't know what it is and neither do i. it's hard to find a solution to a problem when you don't even know what the problem is. maybe we'll just have to wait and see.