progress?

i'm not sure what to make of my OC or whether i should make anything at all. first, we were all in the lunch room the other day - me, the Student, OC and our receptionist. the OC and the Student were watching the World Cup game while I was chatting with our receptionist. All of a sudden, the OC says to me, in Italian, "What time is it?" I looked at my watch and said, "About 1 o'clock." and he said, "Grazie". we actually exchanged what i felt was a look and a smile but OY! that was hot.

then, thursday was the firm function - golf and then a dinner cruise around the bay. he was two teams ahead of me so i basically just had the first hole to chat with him. we basically just stood together, made a comment here and there, but just stood together and watched as people teed off. i saw him at about the 6th hole at a distance. i was watching him walk to the next tee-off spot and he was looking in my direction. he gave me a little wave and i waved back. i didn't see him again until the we all got to the boat. and then he was busy on the phone with his friend and it sounded like he was making plans to go out that night. anyway... i was hoping to sit near him at dinner but he lagged behind while we all boarded so by the time i had picked a spot, sat down, gone to the washroom to wash my grubby hands and came back, he had staked out a spot at the end of the table, sitting across from the Student. oooooh, i was seriously peeved. we didn't interact again until about half an hour later when we were all out on deck, waiting for the boat to sail. there were a bunch of us grouped around him and one of the secretaries was "sizing him up" and saying that she thought he was shy. he didn't agree or disagree, as usual. i think i might have said something like, "there's nothing wrong with being shy." and B said, "oh, you're not shy!" and i said, "oh, yes i am!" and she looked at both of us and said, "well, you two should get together!" and i was so embarrased that i didn't really know where to look so i just smiled and looked into the depths of my strawberry margarita. that was about the extent of the interaction until after dinner.

he had spent a lot of time on the deck, chatting with people, including the Student, as well as chatting on his phone. i had pretty much given up hope of any interaction with him. then, he went to get dessert. instead of getting a dessert plate and loading up, he got a dinner plate and loaded up. i was sitting at one end of the long table with someone and he sat at his end. he smiled at me when he started to dig in (as we all know how he likes his sweets). i decided to seize the opportunity and went over to his side and sat with him. we chatted about the golfing and the dessert (he finished the entire plate). we sort of sat there awkwardly and then he said, "do you think we're allowed to go up there?", pointing to a steep set of stairs in the middle of the boat. i replied that it was probably ok since there were no signs. after a pause, he dug into his bag, took out a pack of cigarettes (which i gave him a look for), and said, "you wanna go up?" and i said, "ok, i'll join you."

we walked upstairs to a nearly empty deck on the very upper level of the boat. we stood at the railing which was at a corner so we were basically facing each other and he smoked and we talked. and after he finished his cigarette, we talked some more. and then he pulled down the sleeves of his sweater because he was cold and we chatted some more. then, he lit another cigarette and we continued to talk. it was only at the announcement that the boat was nearing the dock that he suggested we go back in. it was so weird. it was so nice.

we went back downstairs and headed out onto the deck to join the party. as i got out there and looked into the dining room where the rest of the firm was sitting, the ladies in the window motioned me to come back inside. when i walked back in, they all said, "where have you been??? we've been looking for you!" and they all had their expectant looks and i said, "oh, we went upstairs to the upper deck." and they all had more expectant looks and one said, "AND...?" and i said, "Ugh, NOTHING!" they all let out a collective, "OH!" one of my co-workers said, "you guys were gone a long time!" another one said, "we were going to come look for you but we didn't want to disturb anything in case you were getting some action!" no chance of that happening. but it felt good because i knew he hadn't disappeared with anyone else. trust me, i was watching :)

at the end of the night, i didn't get a chance to say goodbye. i don't know if he ended up going off with the die-hards to continue drinking at the lift because i had overheard him on the phone saying that he'd be back on land by around 10:00.

the next day was weird. i was so busy that i didn't really get much of a chance to say anything to him. he and the Student went for lunch together. and the only time he came anywhere near my desk was to dig into the candy dish, which i busted him for. but he was busy chatting with my deskmate. at one point, he did say to me, "where'd you disappear to last night? i looked and all of a sudden you were gone. you missed it - T and i went dancing afterwards." and i know it wasn't true but man, did the pangs of jealousy rip through me when he said that, for two reasons: 1) he implicated my deskmate, whom i suspect has a crush on him too, even though she's a bit older than him; and 2) he knew i wanted to go dancing the night before. all in all, yesterday was a moody day for me. i was depressed for most of the day but i wasn't sure whether it was because i was confused about things or whether it was the lack of sleep and lingering tequila tummy that had me feeling sad. in any event, i perked up during the iced cappuccino break in the afternoon.

the one thing i did struggle over was how i could help myself forget about the OC. let's face it - it's going nowhere, regardless of how much i think i'm trying. even if he is interested, i have a feeling he wouldn't do anything about it because we work together, which i absolutely don't blame him for because i'd be the same way. so, i should forget about him. but it's hard when i see him every day. i am doing the only thing i know how to do to help cope and that's to work too much. so that's what i did.

the worst part of it is that i ignore the Student when she gets friendly with him, even though i know she has a boyfriend and that from what i understand from other people, she's totally crazy about her boyfriend. she's so nice and we have a lot of things in common but i just can't look at her when she walks in after having lunch with him. drives me bonkers. but more because it drives me bonkers than it is about her. anyway...

i bought a new bed today. it was the most spontaneous $800 purchase i've ever made. but i can't wait to sleep on it! it's going to be delivered to my new apartment. one less thing for me to move, anyway. i'd better get on hiring movers, eh?