i give up.
the only reason i'm still fantasizing about him is because he was installing a keyboard tray at my workmate's desk today and he was lying flat on his back while doing it. my compulsion to just jump on was unbelieveable. but i resisted. however, i could not resist giggling to myself when i heard the phrases, "how do you want it", "maybe we need to put it in from behind", "I think we need a bigger screw...and maybe a nut so it stays up" come out of his mouth in relation to getting the tray installed. i mean seriously, am i the only one with a dirty mind??? and also, seeing him work a power drill was kind of hot. anyway....
he was wearing this blue tie today that brought out every possible shade of blue in his eyes. and to date, he's the only one whose actually attempted to play lacrosse with me. and, he was genuinely sympathetic when i thought my conveyance had gone to hell and offered any help he could give. (it didn't go sideways but it was touch and go there for a minute.)
to quote Bridget Jones, "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck". i hate this.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
frustrating
i don't really know what to make of my OC. i don't know if he's been busy with work and that's why he's been kind of chilly towards me or if he's realizing he has more of my attention than he'd like.
i barely saw him at all yesterday. i had a coffee date with my guy friend yesterday after work. in the morning, he e-mailed me to confirm we were still meeting and then asked if i wanted to meet the girl he's been seeing. it threw me for a loop - on the one hand, i was awfully curious as to what she was like but beyond that, i had no desire to meet her. i had already seen her nude pictures, i didn't really need to see much more. i felt it would be awkward to hang out with the two of them but thought perhaps that if i brought someone (i.e. my OC), it might be less weird. so, i e-mailed my OC and asked him if he was free for coffee after work, around 5:30. he e-mails back and says, "but that's my lunchtime!" i e-mailed him back, frustrated, and said, "you are no help." a little while later, he responds with, "you sound like one of the partners!" at that point, i gave up and told MGF that i'd be more comfortable if it were just the two of us. on my way out the door at 5pm, i passed my OC's office and he stopped me. i backtracked to his office door and he said, "are you leaving now?" and i said, "yes." he says, "so...i guess that means we're not going for coffee?" and i responded, incredulously, "you never responded to my question!!!" he smiled and said, "i responded - i was just unclear." so i smiled back and said, "well, i guess we'll just have to do it another time, then." he looked slightly disappointed and said, "oh. ok. well, have a good night." serves him right, dumbass. you know, i was so irritated with him yesterday afternoon that when he came over to my desk to flirt for a chocolate, i couldn't even look at him, which is a sure sign that i am pissed. i was going to just hand over the chocolate without even playing the game we usually play but you know me, i can't be mean.
in any event, my coffee date went well, as always. i met him at his building (he was on time for once) and we walked to the library with intentions to get a cold drink, sit on the library steps, enjoy the sun and people watch. instead, i got a nutella crepe, he got an energy drink and a 3 Musketeers bar and we sat on the steps in the shade until the sun moved. instead of moving with the shade, he suggested we go back to his place (no, not like that) so i could see the mess he made of his living room wall. we went back and talked for a couple of hours and then he drove me to the skytrain so i could get home. it was so nice. we get along so well, at least i feel like we do. i got some good insight into the way men think (i.e. they don't and they don't get it when women flirt - subtle or not). he also tells me he doesn't have the mental connection with the girl he's dating that he'd like to. the physical connection is obviously there but he's not sure if there's anything else. he such a commitment-phobe, it's almost funny. i didn't feel bad when we broke session for the evening. i felt really good and that carried on into today.
i get my keys in two days :)
i barely saw him at all yesterday. i had a coffee date with my guy friend yesterday after work. in the morning, he e-mailed me to confirm we were still meeting and then asked if i wanted to meet the girl he's been seeing. it threw me for a loop - on the one hand, i was awfully curious as to what she was like but beyond that, i had no desire to meet her. i had already seen her nude pictures, i didn't really need to see much more. i felt it would be awkward to hang out with the two of them but thought perhaps that if i brought someone (i.e. my OC), it might be less weird. so, i e-mailed my OC and asked him if he was free for coffee after work, around 5:30. he e-mails back and says, "but that's my lunchtime!" i e-mailed him back, frustrated, and said, "you are no help." a little while later, he responds with, "you sound like one of the partners!" at that point, i gave up and told MGF that i'd be more comfortable if it were just the two of us. on my way out the door at 5pm, i passed my OC's office and he stopped me. i backtracked to his office door and he said, "are you leaving now?" and i said, "yes." he says, "so...i guess that means we're not going for coffee?" and i responded, incredulously, "you never responded to my question!!!" he smiled and said, "i responded - i was just unclear." so i smiled back and said, "well, i guess we'll just have to do it another time, then." he looked slightly disappointed and said, "oh. ok. well, have a good night." serves him right, dumbass. you know, i was so irritated with him yesterday afternoon that when he came over to my desk to flirt for a chocolate, i couldn't even look at him, which is a sure sign that i am pissed. i was going to just hand over the chocolate without even playing the game we usually play but you know me, i can't be mean.
in any event, my coffee date went well, as always. i met him at his building (he was on time for once) and we walked to the library with intentions to get a cold drink, sit on the library steps, enjoy the sun and people watch. instead, i got a nutella crepe, he got an energy drink and a 3 Musketeers bar and we sat on the steps in the shade until the sun moved. instead of moving with the shade, he suggested we go back to his place (no, not like that) so i could see the mess he made of his living room wall. we went back and talked for a couple of hours and then he drove me to the skytrain so i could get home. it was so nice. we get along so well, at least i feel like we do. i got some good insight into the way men think (i.e. they don't and they don't get it when women flirt - subtle or not). he also tells me he doesn't have the mental connection with the girl he's dating that he'd like to. the physical connection is obviously there but he's not sure if there's anything else. he such a commitment-phobe, it's almost funny. i didn't feel bad when we broke session for the evening. i felt really good and that carried on into today.
i get my keys in two days :)
Saturday, June 24, 2006
slightly deflated
i don't really know what i was expecting at the beach party today. maybe that my OC and i would go off somewhere, sit on a log at the beach and just talk until the sun went down? asking too much, eh?
i went to the beach party at Jericho. i circled the parking lot for a spot and then parked, phoned A to see where they were located and then i got out of the car to get a ticket from the meter. as i rounded the corner of my car, who do i see getting out of his friend's car? my OC. talk about timing. i wasn't sure how i felt about him brining his friend, as it meant that he would always have someone to talk to. i ended up talking to his friend more than i talked to him. they had gone out for cigarettes and had just come back so they walked me to the parking meter and then walked me back to my car. i took the food i had brought out of my trunk, along with my blanket, and we started to walk to the picnic area. a few steps from my car, i handed the food bag over to my OC because it was obvious he wasn't going to offer to take it, although as i was handing it over, he said, "oh, i can take that." uh, huh. the picnic itself was uneventful. i stuck with the OC and his friend for most of the time. i didn't do too much socializing as there were two groups of A's friends there - dance friends and lawyer friends. you know how i am with new people. so i mingled when i felt the desire and stuck to the people i knew when i didn't. turns out the OC's friend, the Ghost, remembered me from when i interviewed at his firm last year. spooky. i recounted my interview with their friend who interviewed me and they had a good laugh. there wasn't a heck of a lot of interaction between me and the OC, which disappointed me. i didn't want to be too obvious, although i think the Ghost caught me looking at my OC a little more than was necessary for polite conversation, particularly as i wasn't conversing at all with him at the time. at one point, my OC asked if i had ever been on a motorcycle. odd question. all in all, no progress today and it made me feel like the events of this week were just random events.
one thing that did get me thinking was a conversation i overheard the OC having with one of A's friends, who was into the Jazz festival. i heard the OC saying that he had wanted to go see a show at the jazz festival last night but that his "assistant" had told him the tickets were all sold out. had it been me telling the story, i would've said either "someone told me" or "my friend told me" or "i found out it was sold out". first, i'm not even his assistant! second, i understand if he wanted to keep the whole idea that we were planning on doing something together under wraps...if it meant something more to him than just two colleagues going out. if it was just two friends from the office going out, why couldn't he just say that? he wasn't even talking to someone who knew me so what's the big deal? and then when he left tonight, he said to A, "give me a call later if you want." and when I left, he said, "thanks for coming out." argh, i don't know. stop thinking, stop thinking. stop thinking!!!!!
i knew it was too good to be true. sigh.
i went to the beach party at Jericho. i circled the parking lot for a spot and then parked, phoned A to see where they were located and then i got out of the car to get a ticket from the meter. as i rounded the corner of my car, who do i see getting out of his friend's car? my OC. talk about timing. i wasn't sure how i felt about him brining his friend, as it meant that he would always have someone to talk to. i ended up talking to his friend more than i talked to him. they had gone out for cigarettes and had just come back so they walked me to the parking meter and then walked me back to my car. i took the food i had brought out of my trunk, along with my blanket, and we started to walk to the picnic area. a few steps from my car, i handed the food bag over to my OC because it was obvious he wasn't going to offer to take it, although as i was handing it over, he said, "oh, i can take that." uh, huh. the picnic itself was uneventful. i stuck with the OC and his friend for most of the time. i didn't do too much socializing as there were two groups of A's friends there - dance friends and lawyer friends. you know how i am with new people. so i mingled when i felt the desire and stuck to the people i knew when i didn't. turns out the OC's friend, the Ghost, remembered me from when i interviewed at his firm last year. spooky. i recounted my interview with their friend who interviewed me and they had a good laugh. there wasn't a heck of a lot of interaction between me and the OC, which disappointed me. i didn't want to be too obvious, although i think the Ghost caught me looking at my OC a little more than was necessary for polite conversation, particularly as i wasn't conversing at all with him at the time. at one point, my OC asked if i had ever been on a motorcycle. odd question. all in all, no progress today and it made me feel like the events of this week were just random events.
one thing that did get me thinking was a conversation i overheard the OC having with one of A's friends, who was into the Jazz festival. i heard the OC saying that he had wanted to go see a show at the jazz festival last night but that his "assistant" had told him the tickets were all sold out. had it been me telling the story, i would've said either "someone told me" or "my friend told me" or "i found out it was sold out". first, i'm not even his assistant! second, i understand if he wanted to keep the whole idea that we were planning on doing something together under wraps...if it meant something more to him than just two colleagues going out. if it was just two friends from the office going out, why couldn't he just say that? he wasn't even talking to someone who knew me so what's the big deal? and then when he left tonight, he said to A, "give me a call later if you want." and when I left, he said, "thanks for coming out." argh, i don't know. stop thinking, stop thinking. stop thinking!!!!!
i knew it was too good to be true. sigh.
curiouser and curiouser...
my OC looked really good yesterday. he wore a powder blue v-neck sweater that was just the right shade to make his eyes look an even deeper blue than they already are. the only way he could've looked better is if he had been wearing jeans and the sweater. sigh. ahem, anyway, to business...
he stopped at my desk first thing yesterday morning with the biggest cheshire cat grin i've ever seen on his face. i laughed and said, "you must be pretty pleased with yourself." i had been sent an e-mail from one of the other lawyers at the firm whom the OC has been feuding with, albeit in a "boys will be boys" type of way. practical jokes and that sort of thing. the e-mail was an open-letter apology from the other lawyer, sent to a select few people in the firm, including my boss, the managing partner. the e-mail waxed sincere, but there was something about it that didn't hit me right. when my OC came by with the smile, he admitted that he had sent it from the other lawyer's computer. i thought it was brilliant, but my boss was in the other lawyer's office in the morning, giving him shit for his behaviour. my OC quickly tried to delete the remaining unread e-mails from everyone else's system. it was pretty funny.
at lunch, i figured he would be downstairs in the lunchroom with everyone else in the building, watching the world cup. he was, but there was only one other person in there. i managed to get a few minutes "alone time" with him in which i said, "so, are you going to your concert tonight?" and he said that the people he thought would be into it didn't want to go so he didn't know. i said, "well, if you need company, i'll go with you." door open :) he said, "well, yeah, if you want to go, that would be good." we then had a short discussion about if i was going to go home after work or if i would stick around and left it at that. later on in the day, he phoned me from the courthouse library where he was doing research. HE PHONED ME. i don't have a direct line so he had to go through the switchboard! anyway, he said he just wanted to touch base about that evening. we chatted about how late he was going to be at the library and whether i would stick around and then i said i should probably get tickets and then we could decide how it was going to work. he agreed. i asked him, "do you want me to check to see if there are tickets and then call you back?" and he said, "What the hell - just get a couple of tickets." A COUPLE OF TICKETS - as in you and me. hee hee. (hey, that rhymed) so i called the jazz hotline and the give me the not surprising but very devastating news that the show was sold out. i didn't want to phone him back right away and tell him. my twisted logic was that i would let the idea of him spending the evening with me stew in his mind and then tell him when he got back. it turns out he was back within half an hour of our conversation so i popped into his office and said, "well, it was sold out." and he said, "WHAT? how could it be sold out? nobody knows who this guy is??!?" and i said, "well, apparently people want to see the boy named Seu." and he pondered on it for a minute and the looked up at me and said, "well, i guess that's it then." huh. at the end of the day, his friend had come by to visit and i walked by his office and he called my name (which i obviously didn't hear) and then came after me and said, "are you leaving now?" and i said, "not as yet." and he said, "ok, we're still trying to salvage something for tonight so..." and i said, "ok, just let me know."
in any event, we ended up spending the evening together as my boss, who i now affectionately refer to as the General because of the way he goes about organizing people for activities, wanted to take me out for a birthday drink and to thank me for hanging around after work to get this one fax out before i left (at 5:30!). so the General rounded up my other boss, the Student, A and my OC and we all headed off to his tennis club to have a drink. it was really nice, although in my mind, that evening should have finished off with me and the OC saying, "well, we have to get going. we're going to a show at the Jazz Festival tonight." oh. DAMN. in any event, i am seeing him this afternoon at A's beach bash. somewhere near Jericho sailing club...but not. oy.
he stopped at my desk first thing yesterday morning with the biggest cheshire cat grin i've ever seen on his face. i laughed and said, "you must be pretty pleased with yourself." i had been sent an e-mail from one of the other lawyers at the firm whom the OC has been feuding with, albeit in a "boys will be boys" type of way. practical jokes and that sort of thing. the e-mail was an open-letter apology from the other lawyer, sent to a select few people in the firm, including my boss, the managing partner. the e-mail waxed sincere, but there was something about it that didn't hit me right. when my OC came by with the smile, he admitted that he had sent it from the other lawyer's computer. i thought it was brilliant, but my boss was in the other lawyer's office in the morning, giving him shit for his behaviour. my OC quickly tried to delete the remaining unread e-mails from everyone else's system. it was pretty funny.
at lunch, i figured he would be downstairs in the lunchroom with everyone else in the building, watching the world cup. he was, but there was only one other person in there. i managed to get a few minutes "alone time" with him in which i said, "so, are you going to your concert tonight?" and he said that the people he thought would be into it didn't want to go so he didn't know. i said, "well, if you need company, i'll go with you." door open :) he said, "well, yeah, if you want to go, that would be good." we then had a short discussion about if i was going to go home after work or if i would stick around and left it at that. later on in the day, he phoned me from the courthouse library where he was doing research. HE PHONED ME. i don't have a direct line so he had to go through the switchboard! anyway, he said he just wanted to touch base about that evening. we chatted about how late he was going to be at the library and whether i would stick around and then i said i should probably get tickets and then we could decide how it was going to work. he agreed. i asked him, "do you want me to check to see if there are tickets and then call you back?" and he said, "What the hell - just get a couple of tickets." A COUPLE OF TICKETS - as in you and me. hee hee. (hey, that rhymed) so i called the jazz hotline and the give me the not surprising but very devastating news that the show was sold out. i didn't want to phone him back right away and tell him. my twisted logic was that i would let the idea of him spending the evening with me stew in his mind and then tell him when he got back. it turns out he was back within half an hour of our conversation so i popped into his office and said, "well, it was sold out." and he said, "WHAT? how could it be sold out? nobody knows who this guy is??!?" and i said, "well, apparently people want to see the boy named Seu." and he pondered on it for a minute and the looked up at me and said, "well, i guess that's it then." huh. at the end of the day, his friend had come by to visit and i walked by his office and he called my name (which i obviously didn't hear) and then came after me and said, "are you leaving now?" and i said, "not as yet." and he said, "ok, we're still trying to salvage something for tonight so..." and i said, "ok, just let me know."
in any event, we ended up spending the evening together as my boss, who i now affectionately refer to as the General because of the way he goes about organizing people for activities, wanted to take me out for a birthday drink and to thank me for hanging around after work to get this one fax out before i left (at 5:30!). so the General rounded up my other boss, the Student, A and my OC and we all headed off to his tennis club to have a drink. it was really nice, although in my mind, that evening should have finished off with me and the OC saying, "well, we have to get going. we're going to a show at the Jazz Festival tonight." oh. DAMN. in any event, i am seeing him this afternoon at A's beach bash. somewhere near Jericho sailing club...but not. oy.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
strange things are afoot
my OC was flirting with me today. at my birthday lunch, one of our lunch mates thought we were dating (she asked me afterwards, not during lunch!) because of the way we were behaving. when i asked him if he was going to the beach party on saturday, he said, "for the benefit of your attendance, yes!" (because I had told the host that I wasn't going to go unless someone I knew went). and he asked me, albeit rushed and a bit offhandedly, if i wanted to go to a concert tomorrow night at the jazz festival (not just with him but he's trying to get a group together). if he asks again, i'm going to say yes. the way he asked today was phrased in such a way that i couldn't really answer yes without it sounding like i was just saying yes to whatever he was saying to me. anyway, that might not happen. in fact, i'm not sure what is happening with him. he has been very flirty lately, although i think in general, he can be a bit of a flirt (he is half Greek, after all). today, he was humming while he was waiting for his print job to come out and i turned around and smiled at him quizzically. he said to me, "Tango. Now there's a dance." out of the blue. so i said, "Do you tango?" and he said, "I have." and I said, "Let's see it - dance for us now!" and he goes, "Unfortunately, the tango requires a partner..." and before I could smartly say something about me being his partner, the other paralegal i work with piped up and said, "A's a ballroom dancer! She can tango with you!" gravy. no lead in for me anymore. And even if she hadn't piped up, my deskmate was already in there, telling him she needed a strong man to lead her. OY!
in any event, strange things are happening. I like what's happening but i don't want to get my hopes up. i'm not being negative, it's just that the likelihood of anything happening between us is very slim. but i'll enjoy the attention while it lasts. :)
in any event, strange things are happening. I like what's happening but i don't want to get my hopes up. i'm not being negative, it's just that the likelihood of anything happening between us is very slim. but i'll enjoy the attention while it lasts. :)
Saturday, June 17, 2006
progress?
i'm not sure what to make of my OC or whether i should make anything at all. first, we were all in the lunch room the other day - me, the Student, OC and our receptionist. the OC and the Student were watching the World Cup game while I was chatting with our receptionist. All of a sudden, the OC says to me, in Italian, "What time is it?" I looked at my watch and said, "About 1 o'clock." and he said, "Grazie". we actually exchanged what i felt was a look and a smile but OY! that was hot.
then, thursday was the firm function - golf and then a dinner cruise around the bay. he was two teams ahead of me so i basically just had the first hole to chat with him. we basically just stood together, made a comment here and there, but just stood together and watched as people teed off. i saw him at about the 6th hole at a distance. i was watching him walk to the next tee-off spot and he was looking in my direction. he gave me a little wave and i waved back. i didn't see him again until the we all got to the boat. and then he was busy on the phone with his friend and it sounded like he was making plans to go out that night. anyway... i was hoping to sit near him at dinner but he lagged behind while we all boarded so by the time i had picked a spot, sat down, gone to the washroom to wash my grubby hands and came back, he had staked out a spot at the end of the table, sitting across from the Student. oooooh, i was seriously peeved. we didn't interact again until about half an hour later when we were all out on deck, waiting for the boat to sail. there were a bunch of us grouped around him and one of the secretaries was "sizing him up" and saying that she thought he was shy. he didn't agree or disagree, as usual. i think i might have said something like, "there's nothing wrong with being shy." and B said, "oh, you're not shy!" and i said, "oh, yes i am!" and she looked at both of us and said, "well, you two should get together!" and i was so embarrased that i didn't really know where to look so i just smiled and looked into the depths of my strawberry margarita. that was about the extent of the interaction until after dinner.
he had spent a lot of time on the deck, chatting with people, including the Student, as well as chatting on his phone. i had pretty much given up hope of any interaction with him. then, he went to get dessert. instead of getting a dessert plate and loading up, he got a dinner plate and loaded up. i was sitting at one end of the long table with someone and he sat at his end. he smiled at me when he started to dig in (as we all know how he likes his sweets). i decided to seize the opportunity and went over to his side and sat with him. we chatted about the golfing and the dessert (he finished the entire plate). we sort of sat there awkwardly and then he said, "do you think we're allowed to go up there?", pointing to a steep set of stairs in the middle of the boat. i replied that it was probably ok since there were no signs. after a pause, he dug into his bag, took out a pack of cigarettes (which i gave him a look for), and said, "you wanna go up?" and i said, "ok, i'll join you."
we walked upstairs to a nearly empty deck on the very upper level of the boat. we stood at the railing which was at a corner so we were basically facing each other and he smoked and we talked. and after he finished his cigarette, we talked some more. and then he pulled down the sleeves of his sweater because he was cold and we chatted some more. then, he lit another cigarette and we continued to talk. it was only at the announcement that the boat was nearing the dock that he suggested we go back in. it was so weird. it was so nice.
we went back downstairs and headed out onto the deck to join the party. as i got out there and looked into the dining room where the rest of the firm was sitting, the ladies in the window motioned me to come back inside. when i walked back in, they all said, "where have you been??? we've been looking for you!" and they all had their expectant looks and i said, "oh, we went upstairs to the upper deck." and they all had more expectant looks and one said, "AND...?" and i said, "Ugh, NOTHING!" they all let out a collective, "OH!" one of my co-workers said, "you guys were gone a long time!" another one said, "we were going to come look for you but we didn't want to disturb anything in case you were getting some action!" no chance of that happening. but it felt good because i knew he hadn't disappeared with anyone else. trust me, i was watching :)
at the end of the night, i didn't get a chance to say goodbye. i don't know if he ended up going off with the die-hards to continue drinking at the lift because i had overheard him on the phone saying that he'd be back on land by around 10:00.
the next day was weird. i was so busy that i didn't really get much of a chance to say anything to him. he and the Student went for lunch together. and the only time he came anywhere near my desk was to dig into the candy dish, which i busted him for. but he was busy chatting with my deskmate. at one point, he did say to me, "where'd you disappear to last night? i looked and all of a sudden you were gone. you missed it - T and i went dancing afterwards." and i know it wasn't true but man, did the pangs of jealousy rip through me when he said that, for two reasons: 1) he implicated my deskmate, whom i suspect has a crush on him too, even though she's a bit older than him; and 2) he knew i wanted to go dancing the night before. all in all, yesterday was a moody day for me. i was depressed for most of the day but i wasn't sure whether it was because i was confused about things or whether it was the lack of sleep and lingering tequila tummy that had me feeling sad. in any event, i perked up during the iced cappuccino break in the afternoon.
the one thing i did struggle over was how i could help myself forget about the OC. let's face it - it's going nowhere, regardless of how much i think i'm trying. even if he is interested, i have a feeling he wouldn't do anything about it because we work together, which i absolutely don't blame him for because i'd be the same way. so, i should forget about him. but it's hard when i see him every day. i am doing the only thing i know how to do to help cope and that's to work too much. so that's what i did.
the worst part of it is that i ignore the Student when she gets friendly with him, even though i know she has a boyfriend and that from what i understand from other people, she's totally crazy about her boyfriend. she's so nice and we have a lot of things in common but i just can't look at her when she walks in after having lunch with him. drives me bonkers. but more because it drives me bonkers than it is about her. anyway...
i bought a new bed today. it was the most spontaneous $800 purchase i've ever made. but i can't wait to sleep on it! it's going to be delivered to my new apartment. one less thing for me to move, anyway. i'd better get on hiring movers, eh?
then, thursday was the firm function - golf and then a dinner cruise around the bay. he was two teams ahead of me so i basically just had the first hole to chat with him. we basically just stood together, made a comment here and there, but just stood together and watched as people teed off. i saw him at about the 6th hole at a distance. i was watching him walk to the next tee-off spot and he was looking in my direction. he gave me a little wave and i waved back. i didn't see him again until the we all got to the boat. and then he was busy on the phone with his friend and it sounded like he was making plans to go out that night. anyway... i was hoping to sit near him at dinner but he lagged behind while we all boarded so by the time i had picked a spot, sat down, gone to the washroom to wash my grubby hands and came back, he had staked out a spot at the end of the table, sitting across from the Student. oooooh, i was seriously peeved. we didn't interact again until about half an hour later when we were all out on deck, waiting for the boat to sail. there were a bunch of us grouped around him and one of the secretaries was "sizing him up" and saying that she thought he was shy. he didn't agree or disagree, as usual. i think i might have said something like, "there's nothing wrong with being shy." and B said, "oh, you're not shy!" and i said, "oh, yes i am!" and she looked at both of us and said, "well, you two should get together!" and i was so embarrased that i didn't really know where to look so i just smiled and looked into the depths of my strawberry margarita. that was about the extent of the interaction until after dinner.
he had spent a lot of time on the deck, chatting with people, including the Student, as well as chatting on his phone. i had pretty much given up hope of any interaction with him. then, he went to get dessert. instead of getting a dessert plate and loading up, he got a dinner plate and loaded up. i was sitting at one end of the long table with someone and he sat at his end. he smiled at me when he started to dig in (as we all know how he likes his sweets). i decided to seize the opportunity and went over to his side and sat with him. we chatted about the golfing and the dessert (he finished the entire plate). we sort of sat there awkwardly and then he said, "do you think we're allowed to go up there?", pointing to a steep set of stairs in the middle of the boat. i replied that it was probably ok since there were no signs. after a pause, he dug into his bag, took out a pack of cigarettes (which i gave him a look for), and said, "you wanna go up?" and i said, "ok, i'll join you."
we walked upstairs to a nearly empty deck on the very upper level of the boat. we stood at the railing which was at a corner so we were basically facing each other and he smoked and we talked. and after he finished his cigarette, we talked some more. and then he pulled down the sleeves of his sweater because he was cold and we chatted some more. then, he lit another cigarette and we continued to talk. it was only at the announcement that the boat was nearing the dock that he suggested we go back in. it was so weird. it was so nice.
we went back downstairs and headed out onto the deck to join the party. as i got out there and looked into the dining room where the rest of the firm was sitting, the ladies in the window motioned me to come back inside. when i walked back in, they all said, "where have you been??? we've been looking for you!" and they all had their expectant looks and i said, "oh, we went upstairs to the upper deck." and they all had more expectant looks and one said, "AND...?" and i said, "Ugh, NOTHING!" they all let out a collective, "OH!" one of my co-workers said, "you guys were gone a long time!" another one said, "we were going to come look for you but we didn't want to disturb anything in case you were getting some action!" no chance of that happening. but it felt good because i knew he hadn't disappeared with anyone else. trust me, i was watching :)
at the end of the night, i didn't get a chance to say goodbye. i don't know if he ended up going off with the die-hards to continue drinking at the lift because i had overheard him on the phone saying that he'd be back on land by around 10:00.
the next day was weird. i was so busy that i didn't really get much of a chance to say anything to him. he and the Student went for lunch together. and the only time he came anywhere near my desk was to dig into the candy dish, which i busted him for. but he was busy chatting with my deskmate. at one point, he did say to me, "where'd you disappear to last night? i looked and all of a sudden you were gone. you missed it - T and i went dancing afterwards." and i know it wasn't true but man, did the pangs of jealousy rip through me when he said that, for two reasons: 1) he implicated my deskmate, whom i suspect has a crush on him too, even though she's a bit older than him; and 2) he knew i wanted to go dancing the night before. all in all, yesterday was a moody day for me. i was depressed for most of the day but i wasn't sure whether it was because i was confused about things or whether it was the lack of sleep and lingering tequila tummy that had me feeling sad. in any event, i perked up during the iced cappuccino break in the afternoon.
the one thing i did struggle over was how i could help myself forget about the OC. let's face it - it's going nowhere, regardless of how much i think i'm trying. even if he is interested, i have a feeling he wouldn't do anything about it because we work together, which i absolutely don't blame him for because i'd be the same way. so, i should forget about him. but it's hard when i see him every day. i am doing the only thing i know how to do to help cope and that's to work too much. so that's what i did.
the worst part of it is that i ignore the Student when she gets friendly with him, even though i know she has a boyfriend and that from what i understand from other people, she's totally crazy about her boyfriend. she's so nice and we have a lot of things in common but i just can't look at her when she walks in after having lunch with him. drives me bonkers. but more because it drives me bonkers than it is about her. anyway...
i bought a new bed today. it was the most spontaneous $800 purchase i've ever made. but i can't wait to sleep on it! it's going to be delivered to my new apartment. one less thing for me to move, anyway. i'd better get on hiring movers, eh?
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
sleeping dogs don't lie
he e-mailed me again. WTF. this time, just in the subject line again, he said "I thought I would try again...HI." WTF. in the body of the e-mail was his signature line from work - i guess he's finally employed again. that doesn't change anything for me, though. so, i wonder what i should do. the last time i spoke with him i said, almost verbatim, "I don't understand why you don't get this - I don't want to see you anymore." that's pretty mean for me. ignoring the last e-mail (you know, the one that just said "HI" in the subject line and that's it) was hard because all i wanted to do was tell him off. this time, i wonder if ignoring him will work. this was his pattern with his ex-GF - breaking up, getting back together. unfortunately for him, that was never a pattern i followed with any of my previous dates/BFs. once it was over for me, it was over. it doesn't take long for me to realize what a dork the guy was, even if i couldn't see it three days before the breakup. so i suppose i will just ignore him. i will get a male opinion on this, tomorrow hopefully, and i hope he agrees with me and the female opinion i received. he will.
OT - the Student has a boyfriend! i was in the lunchroom with a few people on friday and she came in and sat down with us. we were all chatting about movies and i was right in there instead of just observing from the sidelines. when everyone else but the Student left to go back to work, i didn't want to be rude and ignore her, even though that is my passive-aggressive approach, so we continued chatting about movies and other things. turns out were more alike than i thought. she's very nice and i would've begrudged that fact until she said she was going to make dinner for her boyfriend's birthday that weekend. not that that fact changes the situation (or lack thereof) between me and the OC but it makes me feel a little better.
as for the OC, he's been friendlier lately, which has been nice. the three of us (the Student, me and the OC) were in the lunchroom yesterday. they were both doing their respective newspaper puzzles but we all ended up chatting. the OC asked how my weekend was (has never done that unless i've asked him first). he also said, "i heard you have pictures up of your trip. may i see them?" and then he reminded me in an e-mail to send them. in short, he's been very interactive since i've been back. when i asked him whether or not he was going to attend next week's firm golf/boat cruise evening, he sighed and said, "oh right. i guess i'd better RSVP." he said the reason he doesn't go to firm functions is that he doesn't know how to make conversation. he had said that in past conversations but i never believed him until now. there was also some reminiscing about the Christmas party and according to him, he was very drunk. could've fooled me; i thought he was the only sober person in the room. remember, i had my hand on his knee for a portion of the evening. i don't think he does :)
i am having a very hard time packing. at the moment, i'm at the "purging" stage but i can't seem to purge as much as i would like to. i'd like to move into my apartment with the bare necessities and start my new life fresh but a packrat like me doesn't let go of things easily. incidentally, the notary's office phoned me today to get some info for closing. one question she asked was what my occupation was, so it could go on the title to my apartment. without hesitation, i said, "Paralegal." i think that's going to look much better on the title than "legal assistant", which is what i've been going by in my ambiguous position at the firm. although one of my lawyers, seer that he is, very recently asked me to start drafting an affidavit for one of his non-PI files. i swear, he is either psychic or someone is feeding him information on my feelings about work and co-workers because out of the blue, he gives me a project that he would normally give to my co-worker. a paralegal project. problem is, i still have two other lawyers that need secretarial stuff done on a daily basis. but i will make time for that affidavit. i will, damn it, if i have to take the file home with me!
OT - the Student has a boyfriend! i was in the lunchroom with a few people on friday and she came in and sat down with us. we were all chatting about movies and i was right in there instead of just observing from the sidelines. when everyone else but the Student left to go back to work, i didn't want to be rude and ignore her, even though that is my passive-aggressive approach, so we continued chatting about movies and other things. turns out were more alike than i thought. she's very nice and i would've begrudged that fact until she said she was going to make dinner for her boyfriend's birthday that weekend. not that that fact changes the situation (or lack thereof) between me and the OC but it makes me feel a little better.
as for the OC, he's been friendlier lately, which has been nice. the three of us (the Student, me and the OC) were in the lunchroom yesterday. they were both doing their respective newspaper puzzles but we all ended up chatting. the OC asked how my weekend was (has never done that unless i've asked him first). he also said, "i heard you have pictures up of your trip. may i see them?" and then he reminded me in an e-mail to send them. in short, he's been very interactive since i've been back. when i asked him whether or not he was going to attend next week's firm golf/boat cruise evening, he sighed and said, "oh right. i guess i'd better RSVP." he said the reason he doesn't go to firm functions is that he doesn't know how to make conversation. he had said that in past conversations but i never believed him until now. there was also some reminiscing about the Christmas party and according to him, he was very drunk. could've fooled me; i thought he was the only sober person in the room. remember, i had my hand on his knee for a portion of the evening. i don't think he does :)
i am having a very hard time packing. at the moment, i'm at the "purging" stage but i can't seem to purge as much as i would like to. i'd like to move into my apartment with the bare necessities and start my new life fresh but a packrat like me doesn't let go of things easily. incidentally, the notary's office phoned me today to get some info for closing. one question she asked was what my occupation was, so it could go on the title to my apartment. without hesitation, i said, "Paralegal." i think that's going to look much better on the title than "legal assistant", which is what i've been going by in my ambiguous position at the firm. although one of my lawyers, seer that he is, very recently asked me to start drafting an affidavit for one of his non-PI files. i swear, he is either psychic or someone is feeding him information on my feelings about work and co-workers because out of the blue, he gives me a project that he would normally give to my co-worker. a paralegal project. problem is, i still have two other lawyers that need secretarial stuff done on a daily basis. but i will make time for that affidavit. i will, damn it, if i have to take the file home with me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
