distraction

why is it that the only way i am able to deal with the breakup of a relationship is to either work more or obsess about another guy? today, i did both.

there's a guy i work with and i've had an office-crush on him since about november. it increased exponentially when we did the annual Christmas skit together. now i'm in full-blown crush mode. i look up everytime he walks by my desk. i look at him everytime i walk by his. i'm starting to stop into his office to chat at least once a day. and (gawd help us all), i'm leaving candies on his desk when he's not looking. (i did this with dave, remember?) granted, he's been leaving stuff for me too, although whether that means he's interested in me or whether he's just returning the favor, i'm not sure.

he's got the most amazing smile that lights up his entire face. he's got these dark blue eyes that (i swear!) twinkle when he smiles. he wears some of the ugliest ties i've ever seen and shirts that have obviously been put on straight out of the laundry bag and doesn't think twice about it. when he sits at his desk and reads, he twirls his hair. he's got a wry sense of humor and he's always singing or whistling or humming. and he's got a really nice singing voice. sigh.

i know it's not going to happen, although i'd really like it to.

the other thing i've found myself doing lately is working more than i should. as in today, my boss left the office by 3:30, one of my other lawyers was out to the pub by 4:15 and I was still happily working away at 4:45. i probably would've kept working through had i not had dinner plans. i'm considering going to law school because i figure that, if i throw myself into that, i'll be so preoccupied with that work that i won't have to fret about being single anymore. i'll just dedicate my life to my work. at the moment, i'm totally okay with that. sick eh?

i always encourage people to deal with their emotions - don't deny yourself the right to feel what you're feeling. yet i do it all the time. pretend that i'm not lonely, that it doesn't hurt, that i'm happy with the way my life has turned out thus far ... i figure if i do this, then maybe all the self-doubt, self-pity and emptiness will all go away.

not so much. :)