while i can't say that i'm even remotely Catholic anymore, i do know that it's the first day of Lent tomorrow and every year, i try to do something. i usually promise to exercise more regularly or attempt to give up sweets for the 40 days. this year, i'm going to do something that will benefit me all around and it'll be something that i not only should do, but want to do. tomorrow, i am going to be a better paralegal. i'm going to try harder to be what i'm supposed to be, and not be content with being what i am now. it's time.
on a different note, the Boy sent me an e-mail yesterday, telling me how much he missed me and how hard it was for him to not have me in his life. i sent one back, jokingly saying that it's only been two weeks. he sent me an e-mail today, asking me to go see a movie with him. i politely said that i didn't think it was a good idea. he fired one back at me that said, and i quote:
"What is wrong with you? I always forgave you when you had your "moments." I'm not allowed to have one or two of my own? I thought you were more understanding... I guess not.Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore."
oh, to dream of him not bothering me anymore! :) once again, he re-affirms my rock-solid belief that i've done the right thing.
as for my Office Crush....sigh. i know he just sees me as his candy pusher (or rather, the Candy Fairy, as he likes to refer to me when we speak of me in the third person), but it's totally worth it. to have him hang around my desk and beg for a treat like a little puppy... I LOVE IT.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
the reader's digest version
i haven't posted in awhile and i know you are itching to hear what is going on in my life! oh dear.
the Boy and i are no longer. it ended a couple of weeks ago although he did send me flowers on Valentine's. we haven't spoken since then (ooh, a whole week). but it really is over for me. i have no desire to be with him right now and perhaps ever. i hope he is doing well, though, as i would hate to think of him self-destructing.
the Office Crush - he's so cute. but i don't think he's very interested, at least not from what i can tell. granted, i'm not doing too much to show my interest but that's just me. i asked our receptionist to be honest with me and inquired as to whether she thought he was at all interested and she said no. i wasn't surprised. i am close to giving up but i know that once i do, that'll be it. the desire to be with him will have dissipated like dust in a rainstorm.
i am in the process of getting "pre-approved" for a mortgage. however, i'm still a little hesitant. while it makes sense for me to buy something over renting a place, it doesn't make sense if i can't scrape up a decent downpayment. and i can't. it's frustrating.
knitting is going well. i think this might be a hobby i actually keep up longer than the span of the lessons. it's cheaper than golfing, although less active and certainly less helpful at releasing any pent-up aggression. i guess it's the opposite - it's very relaxing and it is something i can really get into and while at the same time, tune everything out.
my focus right now is on becoming a better paralegal - my personality is such that i need to focus my attention on something. so, instead of my focus being on a boy or the next good sale at Old Navy, i think i'll concentrate on getting my career off the ground. then, perhaps, if i discover that i don't want to make appeal books and do dictations for the rest of my life, i might seriously consider studying for the LSAT.
the Boy and i are no longer. it ended a couple of weeks ago although he did send me flowers on Valentine's. we haven't spoken since then (ooh, a whole week). but it really is over for me. i have no desire to be with him right now and perhaps ever. i hope he is doing well, though, as i would hate to think of him self-destructing.
the Office Crush - he's so cute. but i don't think he's very interested, at least not from what i can tell. granted, i'm not doing too much to show my interest but that's just me. i asked our receptionist to be honest with me and inquired as to whether she thought he was at all interested and she said no. i wasn't surprised. i am close to giving up but i know that once i do, that'll be it. the desire to be with him will have dissipated like dust in a rainstorm.
i am in the process of getting "pre-approved" for a mortgage. however, i'm still a little hesitant. while it makes sense for me to buy something over renting a place, it doesn't make sense if i can't scrape up a decent downpayment. and i can't. it's frustrating.
knitting is going well. i think this might be a hobby i actually keep up longer than the span of the lessons. it's cheaper than golfing, although less active and certainly less helpful at releasing any pent-up aggression. i guess it's the opposite - it's very relaxing and it is something i can really get into and while at the same time, tune everything out.
my focus right now is on becoming a better paralegal - my personality is such that i need to focus my attention on something. so, instead of my focus being on a boy or the next good sale at Old Navy, i think i'll concentrate on getting my career off the ground. then, perhaps, if i discover that i don't want to make appeal books and do dictations for the rest of my life, i might seriously consider studying for the LSAT.
Monday, February 06, 2006
the moment
my Office Crush and i shared a Moment today. ok, maybe he didn't think it was a Moment, but i sure did!
picture it - i was on a file hunt. i happened to walk passed an office he was standing in the doorway of (seriously, i wasn't stalking him...this time). as i passed, i heard him end his conversation and he started down the hallway, about three paces behind me. i could've stopped or slowed down but i played it cool (ok, i was giving mixed messages again but whatever). he started humming behind me (tee hee, that sounds dirty!) and i slowed down and as we got to the front of his office door, i turned toward him. he stopped right in front of me and we were in the "personal distance" zone - no more than 18" away from each other. i swear, for a split second, he sort of leaned into me (or was he adjusting the file in the crook of his arm?) and it looked like he wanted to kiss me. then i said, "you wouldn't happen to have the smith file in your office? maybe working with Bob on the CPL?" i can't remember what he asked me and i can't remember what i said in return but he was definitely flitting his gaze from my mouth to my eyes and back again (sooo glad i put on lipgloss after lunch!). turns out he didn't have the file and i think i might have started walking away first (or maybe he was trying to escape the uncomfortableness of our close proximity by backing into his office), and it was probably for the best because i was about to comment on his eyes and ask them whether they were blue or whether they were green (regardless, they are the color of the ocean and i could drown in them...OMG, could you BE any gaggier?)
sigh. if only...
picture it - i was on a file hunt. i happened to walk passed an office he was standing in the doorway of (seriously, i wasn't stalking him...this time). as i passed, i heard him end his conversation and he started down the hallway, about three paces behind me. i could've stopped or slowed down but i played it cool (ok, i was giving mixed messages again but whatever). he started humming behind me (tee hee, that sounds dirty!) and i slowed down and as we got to the front of his office door, i turned toward him. he stopped right in front of me and we were in the "personal distance" zone - no more than 18" away from each other. i swear, for a split second, he sort of leaned into me (or was he adjusting the file in the crook of his arm?) and it looked like he wanted to kiss me. then i said, "you wouldn't happen to have the smith file in your office? maybe working with Bob on the CPL?" i can't remember what he asked me and i can't remember what i said in return but he was definitely flitting his gaze from my mouth to my eyes and back again (sooo glad i put on lipgloss after lunch!). turns out he didn't have the file and i think i might have started walking away first (or maybe he was trying to escape the uncomfortableness of our close proximity by backing into his office), and it was probably for the best because i was about to comment on his eyes and ask them whether they were blue or whether they were green (regardless, they are the color of the ocean and i could drown in them...OMG, could you BE any gaggier?)
sigh. if only...
Friday, February 03, 2006
distraction
why is it that the only way i am able to deal with the breakup of a relationship is to either work more or obsess about another guy? today, i did both.
there's a guy i work with and i've had an office-crush on him since about november. it increased exponentially when we did the annual Christmas skit together. now i'm in full-blown crush mode. i look up everytime he walks by my desk. i look at him everytime i walk by his. i'm starting to stop into his office to chat at least once a day. and (gawd help us all), i'm leaving candies on his desk when he's not looking. (i did this with dave, remember?) granted, he's been leaving stuff for me too, although whether that means he's interested in me or whether he's just returning the favor, i'm not sure.
he's got the most amazing smile that lights up his entire face. he's got these dark blue eyes that (i swear!) twinkle when he smiles. he wears some of the ugliest ties i've ever seen and shirts that have obviously been put on straight out of the laundry bag and doesn't think twice about it. when he sits at his desk and reads, he twirls his hair. he's got a wry sense of humor and he's always singing or whistling or humming. and he's got a really nice singing voice. sigh.
i know it's not going to happen, although i'd really like it to.
the other thing i've found myself doing lately is working more than i should. as in today, my boss left the office by 3:30, one of my other lawyers was out to the pub by 4:15 and I was still happily working away at 4:45. i probably would've kept working through had i not had dinner plans. i'm considering going to law school because i figure that, if i throw myself into that, i'll be so preoccupied with that work that i won't have to fret about being single anymore. i'll just dedicate my life to my work. at the moment, i'm totally okay with that. sick eh?
i always encourage people to deal with their emotions - don't deny yourself the right to feel what you're feeling. yet i do it all the time. pretend that i'm not lonely, that it doesn't hurt, that i'm happy with the way my life has turned out thus far ... i figure if i do this, then maybe all the self-doubt, self-pity and emptiness will all go away.
not so much. :)
there's a guy i work with and i've had an office-crush on him since about november. it increased exponentially when we did the annual Christmas skit together. now i'm in full-blown crush mode. i look up everytime he walks by my desk. i look at him everytime i walk by his. i'm starting to stop into his office to chat at least once a day. and (gawd help us all), i'm leaving candies on his desk when he's not looking. (i did this with dave, remember?) granted, he's been leaving stuff for me too, although whether that means he's interested in me or whether he's just returning the favor, i'm not sure.
he's got the most amazing smile that lights up his entire face. he's got these dark blue eyes that (i swear!) twinkle when he smiles. he wears some of the ugliest ties i've ever seen and shirts that have obviously been put on straight out of the laundry bag and doesn't think twice about it. when he sits at his desk and reads, he twirls his hair. he's got a wry sense of humor and he's always singing or whistling or humming. and he's got a really nice singing voice. sigh.
i know it's not going to happen, although i'd really like it to.
the other thing i've found myself doing lately is working more than i should. as in today, my boss left the office by 3:30, one of my other lawyers was out to the pub by 4:15 and I was still happily working away at 4:45. i probably would've kept working through had i not had dinner plans. i'm considering going to law school because i figure that, if i throw myself into that, i'll be so preoccupied with that work that i won't have to fret about being single anymore. i'll just dedicate my life to my work. at the moment, i'm totally okay with that. sick eh?
i always encourage people to deal with their emotions - don't deny yourself the right to feel what you're feeling. yet i do it all the time. pretend that i'm not lonely, that it doesn't hurt, that i'm happy with the way my life has turned out thus far ... i figure if i do this, then maybe all the self-doubt, self-pity and emptiness will all go away.
not so much. :)
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