my 37th birthday is now three weeks behind me (seems like longer!) and i'm sitting here trying to figure out what this year's life lesson is. and i think i have it: slow the frack down and stop over-thinking. you don't actually experience anything, good or bad, if all you're doing is thinking about what could go wrong.
someone please remind me of this every 10 days.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Sunday, July 07, 2013
smitten kitten
i'm sure i've used that title before, but it's appropriate to use again now. and of course, i only write now because i'm wallowing in disappointment.
i met this guy on a dating website (of course - not possible for me to meet someone in real life!). his first message to me was two or three paragraphs of seeming-nonsense that most days, i wouldn't bother answering. in fact, i did ignore it. there were no questions to answer and it was such jibber-jabber (mostly taking what i had written, agreeing with it and sharing his own rather disjointed thoughts about it), that i left it alone for about a week.
because of my recent belief that i should always at least answer emails sent to me with the same level of effort that was made (you wouldn't ignore someone who said "hi" to you on the street, would you?), i decided to finally answer him. i ended up thanking him for the message but admitted that there wasn't much more i could say because the message didn't really have anything concrete to respond to. that started off a series of emails that were more in my realm of normal. about a month after his initial email, we met for a coffee after work.
my initial impressions - nice guy, normal, cute, thoughtful (in a cerebral way, at least until i get to know him better, then i might be able to say also in gesture), happily employed. i'd definitely see this guy again. wasn't sure if he would contact me again, just because the first coffee is usually where it ends with me, but i guess i made some sort of impression because he messaged me again.
i've seen him about four times now, all after-work get togethers, which make for somewhat less casual dates. i don't know - they seem less date-like and more friend-like, which i guess is his intention.
he told me after our second date that he wasn't really looking for anything serious right now. he's separated and has a young child that he shares custody of. at that point, i was cool with that. i had two or three other prospects, also just casual without any formality, so i was excited to just be in the "dating world" and not worry about where the given relationship was going and what to expect next.
but you know my brain (and more importantly, my heart). it doesn't do casual. already, my two other prospects have taken a backseat to this guy (let's call him Sam). i am trying to continue with the casual dating/meeting people thing (i have a blind date tomorrow, for example....in Seattle), but my mind keeps flitting back to Sam. had i really thought about what i was getting into, i never would have continued seeing him. separated less than a year is not the same as divorced. the emotions are still there. he cancelled our date today because his wife (because legally, she still is!) was really sick and so he was keeping his kid for an extra day. i can't help thinking that he should just go over there and take care of her because that's his wife, that's his kid's mother and regardless of where his feelings are (or hers; i'm not sure who ended it), they are, and will always be, a family.
muddy, muddy waters i have my toes dipped in. and yet, i am smitten. when he texted me to cancel (i know; but it's the 2010s and that's how people do it now), my heart got a wee bit heavier. i was really looking forward to a "weekend" date (as opposed to our three-hour chat-a-thons over dinner after work) and for the second weekend in a row, it was usurped by family (last weekend, his brother got taken to the ER with internal bleeding. I gave him a pass on that one too).
admittedly, i feel like i have held back on him and that i am not as flirty-flirty as i would really like to be. i am acting like a friend. he always gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as a greeting and goodbye. i hug back but i don't kiss him. but i want to. and i know that if i did act like i want to, it would turn up the heat on our interaction, but then what? it won't change his mind about being casual but it would dig me in deeper.
i know i have to pull back and find someone else (or maybe 2) to take my mind off Sam, at least partially. again, you know how i am and i could easily let myself fall into that pit. i was getting that way a couple of weeks ago but i managed to mentally slap myself until i was reasonable again. all it takes is one weak moment for me and i could descend into that relationship-limbo darkness where i love to wallow and do the backstroke.
don't do it, CG. it will be your ruin! the best part about all of this though is that love songs finally mean something again :) thank you, adam levine, for "love somebody".
i met this guy on a dating website (of course - not possible for me to meet someone in real life!). his first message to me was two or three paragraphs of seeming-nonsense that most days, i wouldn't bother answering. in fact, i did ignore it. there were no questions to answer and it was such jibber-jabber (mostly taking what i had written, agreeing with it and sharing his own rather disjointed thoughts about it), that i left it alone for about a week.
because of my recent belief that i should always at least answer emails sent to me with the same level of effort that was made (you wouldn't ignore someone who said "hi" to you on the street, would you?), i decided to finally answer him. i ended up thanking him for the message but admitted that there wasn't much more i could say because the message didn't really have anything concrete to respond to. that started off a series of emails that were more in my realm of normal. about a month after his initial email, we met for a coffee after work.
my initial impressions - nice guy, normal, cute, thoughtful (in a cerebral way, at least until i get to know him better, then i might be able to say also in gesture), happily employed. i'd definitely see this guy again. wasn't sure if he would contact me again, just because the first coffee is usually where it ends with me, but i guess i made some sort of impression because he messaged me again.
i've seen him about four times now, all after-work get togethers, which make for somewhat less casual dates. i don't know - they seem less date-like and more friend-like, which i guess is his intention.
he told me after our second date that he wasn't really looking for anything serious right now. he's separated and has a young child that he shares custody of. at that point, i was cool with that. i had two or three other prospects, also just casual without any formality, so i was excited to just be in the "dating world" and not worry about where the given relationship was going and what to expect next.
but you know my brain (and more importantly, my heart). it doesn't do casual. already, my two other prospects have taken a backseat to this guy (let's call him Sam). i am trying to continue with the casual dating/meeting people thing (i have a blind date tomorrow, for example....in Seattle), but my mind keeps flitting back to Sam. had i really thought about what i was getting into, i never would have continued seeing him. separated less than a year is not the same as divorced. the emotions are still there. he cancelled our date today because his wife (because legally, she still is!) was really sick and so he was keeping his kid for an extra day. i can't help thinking that he should just go over there and take care of her because that's his wife, that's his kid's mother and regardless of where his feelings are (or hers; i'm not sure who ended it), they are, and will always be, a family.
muddy, muddy waters i have my toes dipped in. and yet, i am smitten. when he texted me to cancel (i know; but it's the 2010s and that's how people do it now), my heart got a wee bit heavier. i was really looking forward to a "weekend" date (as opposed to our three-hour chat-a-thons over dinner after work) and for the second weekend in a row, it was usurped by family (last weekend, his brother got taken to the ER with internal bleeding. I gave him a pass on that one too).
admittedly, i feel like i have held back on him and that i am not as flirty-flirty as i would really like to be. i am acting like a friend. he always gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as a greeting and goodbye. i hug back but i don't kiss him. but i want to. and i know that if i did act like i want to, it would turn up the heat on our interaction, but then what? it won't change his mind about being casual but it would dig me in deeper.
i know i have to pull back and find someone else (or maybe 2) to take my mind off Sam, at least partially. again, you know how i am and i could easily let myself fall into that pit. i was getting that way a couple of weeks ago but i managed to mentally slap myself until i was reasonable again. all it takes is one weak moment for me and i could descend into that relationship-limbo darkness where i love to wallow and do the backstroke.
don't do it, CG. it will be your ruin! the best part about all of this though is that love songs finally mean something again :) thank you, adam levine, for "love somebody".
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