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God help me but I was watching "Tough Love Miami" this morning, after discovering that I have way more cable channels than I initially thought (I've only had digital TV for the past 8 months). Normally, I don't like reality "dating" shows (The Bachelor/ette, Love in the Wild, I can't even name anymore because I don't know what they are) because they pit men or women up against each other to vie for one person's attention. It usually leads to dramatics and crazy antics of each contestant to get the attention of their besotted.

Tough Love Miami is a dating show, but from what I can tell, no one gets voted off and there is no date-swapping. Each woman gets matched with a guy by a professional matchmaker, and they go on date after date with the same guy. After each date, the guy is interviewed about how he thought the date went and each woman is grilled on what they did wrong or praised for what they did corretly. The matchmaker also gives the woman assignments and pointers on what to do or say on the date (essentially, teaching them how to date properly). I like this idea, because it gives each woman the opportunity to make themselves better. Don't get me wrong - there was a lot of drama on the one-hour episode I just watched, but it all stems from the women themselves, what baggage they bring to the table and how they choose to deal with it.

Anyway, this post isn't about the show itself, but what the matchmaker said to one woman on the show that got me thinking (and hence, got me writing). He accused one woman for calling everyone's bullshit but not owning up to her own. Bravo, Matchmaker Steve, I thought.

My thought process then graduated to how closed-minded some people were and how I always tried to be open minded and non-judgmental. And then I laughed internally and thought, "Well, I am judgmental, but I know it. I could stop being judgmental whenever I want to." I reasoned with myself that I only think judgmental thoughst, but I don't say them out loud. Some people might say that's good - that as long as you don't say it and poison the atmosphere with your negativity, that's good for the world.

Then I wondered if saying something aloud that was not nice or mean or negative was bad for the Universe as a whole (if you subscribe do that way of thinking, as I do), then how much worse is it to keep those negative thoughts and emotions inside, effectively poisoning you from the inside and holding it there?

I'm not advocating speaking negatively so that you can keep yourself pure. On the contrary, I am questioning why...WHY?...I feel the need to be negative and/or judgmental about other people.

Yes, sometimes it just feels good to complain. Sometimes, it just feels good to pick apart someone's carefully (or not so carefully) pieced-together facade so I can feel (or think I feel) better about myself.

That brought me to another saying, that basically says that what you see negatively about other people is really what you see negatively about yourself. That your own insecurities are mirrored in what you criticize in other people.

And then it hit me, the cold, hard reality - I always criticize people for not being open-minded and accepting. For not recognizing their faults and either fixing them or accepting them for what they are. For trying to be someone they are not. For putting too much stock in other peoples' opinions and not accepting their own as valid and most important.

I remember how I felt the day after my 30th birthday as clearly as if it were this morning - I looked in the mirror and felt more wise and knowing than I had ever felt. A whole world of knowledge opened up to me in that one moment and I felt like I finally understood the secrets of the world. Six years later and I look back at that 30 year old me and think, "Good lord, you know nothing still!"

I feel today, right now, that I will never stop learning, never stop growing, never stop evolving as a person. If I ever I feel that I do, remind me to look back on this entry to remind myself that I am being foolish. Socrates was spot on when he opined that the only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.

If I may bastardize the words of another historical figure, if self-awareness be the education of life, then learn on!