personal consultant

i went to see another "personal consultant" (read: psychic) on saturday. the whole experience made me re-think the whole psychic thing.

i mean, yeah, she was pretty accurate about a few things...many things...most things...and her specific predictions were almost identical to the ones from the first "personal consultant", so it's kind of eerie that way. but at the same time, why do most women seek psychic advice? to find out about a guy.

her read on Crush was fairly accurate, as far as i know. but her advice was right out the pages of a dating guide (as was the first psychic's): step back and let him come to you.

she basically said to give him five more months (he's a number 5). she says he's not sure how he feels about me: one minute he likes me and the next, he's not sure. she told me to be careful about sleeping with him, because he'd get me pregnant (she said i'd have four kids, as opposed to the zero the other PC said, which was basically the only thing that differed in their readings). she also says there were two women in his past that really messed him up and that's why he's so hesitant to start something with me. in my own assessment, i think his last girlfriend was really, really critical of him. when we first started talking (you know, when we could talk freely about everything and not just work, work, work), i was nitpicking about something trivial and he said to me, jokingly but in a way that made it stick in my head, "you're so critical! just let it be!" dollars to donuts, that's what his fear is - that i'll nitpick him to death.

further, in 6 - 8 months, i'll randomly bump into a tall, blond, hazel-eyed foreign transplant. he'll have moved here from back east, but originally be from europe. apparently if i choose this guy, things will go really smoothly with him (i.e. no guessing games with him) and i'll have to move to europe to live with him. oh choices.

the other PC saw another guy coming too. she gave no details about him, just that another one was coming on the heels of Crush. sounds like i have an interesting spring lined up.

you again?

Sands and Fry were discussing how Crush is the only student in the firm's history of articled students that has come back to visit...every day since he's been gone (okay, that's three days). Sands said to me with a knowing look, "i think we all know why..."

i said, "i wish, but he has to finish a memo for the Ninja and he hasn't gotten through it yet." she looked very disappointed.

this morning, i said to her, "okay, so he's apparently finished the memo. if he comes back today, then i guess we know why."

this afternoon, as i was taking a break from my otherwise crazy hectic day, i was standing at reception with Sands and the elevator door opens. "hi Crush!" Sands says. and then gave me a knowing look.

i stood with him to chat and asked him about his day. he said he had finished his memo at 11 pm last night. i read it - he used a case i found for him. i know it sounds weird, but i was flattered he used it. he could've found something just like it, or could've left it out entirely, but he chose to use it. i don't know about you, but i feel it shows he respects me on an intellectual level. that's a good feeling. kinda like gilbert liking anne better than josie pye.

he came by to see me once, and then i bumped into him in the kitchen before i left. i didn't go to his office to say goodbye to him, and i felt indifferent about that. he won't be in tomorrow. he's having drinks with his group from school - a bonding thing.

acceptance

i think i went through all the stages of grief in one day.

okay, so Crush was at work again today, wearing a paper-thin black sweater that clung in all the right ways. and he was unshaven. and he didn't ask me about how my weekend was, even though i asked (and he told me) how his was.

and then, it finally... FINALLY! ... sunk in. i can finally move on.

but i can still admire the view. i just won't fantasize that it'll be MY view anymore.

detox

i was supposed to see him today at work. he said he'd likely be in, but he wasn't. he starts PLTC tomorrow and will be out of the office for the next 10 weeks. provided he doesn't attend the firm BBQ on the 24th or the mixer on he 30th, i guess the Crush-Detox starts now.