blue

on Wednesday, i had a serious case of the blues. it was frustrating, because there really was no reason for it. as the day went on, i felt worse and worse, so much so that i skipped out on going to choir practice (research shows that singing boosts seratonin levels). not even my little Lunatic made me feel better, although she did try her hardest at being uber-cute and charming.

when i woke up the next morning, i felt only slightly better, which is unusual. i can usually sleep off any negative feelings. i felt better as the day went on and by Friday, i was back to normal. but it still bugs me - what was i blue about?

it wasn't depression. it wasn't that ache that makes me want to cry. it wasn't even sadness. it was just a general feeling of blah. the feeling that makes you want to stare out of a window for hours on end at nothing in particular. a feeling of disinterestedness, of detachment.

maybe it is just a case of the january blues. holidays are over, everything is back to normal. the first long weekend isn't until april. the rain is back. i can see why people get sad this time of year. it's still in the back of my mind, anyway.

but, the olympics are in 2 weeks, the visitors and athletes are slowly starting to trickle in and the energy in the air is almost palpable. a new guy starts on Monday at work. change is in the air! the next month will be good. i can feel it.

torture

i've been home for about 24 hours after spending a week with my mom. don't get me wrong - it was a pretty good week. she drove me only a bit crazy, and that was only at the beginning. but i was looking forward to just having time to myself.

my brother phoned earlier and i asked him if he had seen my grandma yet today. he said no. i said that i was going and asked him whether he wanted to come with me. i told him i'd call him when i was ready to go.

flash forward to 10 minutes ago. my mom phones and asks if i'm going to see my grandma. i say yes. she asks when. i say after 6. she asks if she can come with me. i say sure. she asks if my brother is going. i say maybe. she asks if i was going to ask her if she wanted to come with me. i am surprised by how stupid she is for asking a question to which she's already decided what the answer is and stutter. she says, "no, you weren't. that's okay, that's okay. what time are you going?" and i know that when i pick her up, she's going to say something about not thinking or being thoughtful enough to ask her to go with me. why? why? why??

why does she do that to herself?