BCIT

i have a crush on our new associate, who is 8 years younger than me.

he's adorable. and kind of dumb, in the street-smart kind of way. really bright at work, but a low-wattage when it comes to everyday things. i don't know what it is about him. he's tall and lanky - too skinny, actually. he's an ethical vegetarian (because it's too hard to be a vegan) and he has a painted portrait of his favorite philosopher on his wall at work. he's a bit shy but blunt, without being rude (the shyness probably helps take the edge off). and the only thing he ever really initiates conversation with me about is Manny Pacquiao. he looks GQ until he opens his mouth and laughs this really dorky laugh. he's a conundrum, and i like it.

a friend of mine, who is very good at ingesting information and presenting her findings in a succinct and meaningful way, once deduced that i love guys who aren't what they look like. for example, that chinese-italian guy i met at speed dating (who, coincidentally, is a friend of her family's). he looks asian, but speaks fluent italian. or the Gigolo. hot guy who has a PhD in biochemistry. i love paradoxes.

i just have to figure out how to make that work for me. not with just the Cub (if at all, as we do work together), but in general. i will certainly have fun trying.

visions

i went to see a psychic last night. she was recommended to me by a friend of mine, who thought she was so bang-on that as soon as i could, i made an appointment. it took me two months, but my time finally came.

i thought it wasn't meant to be. first, she called me three times in the span of 24hours over the weekend to confirm the appointment (shouldn't a psychic know that i'm out of town?). that bothers me when guys do it, and it bothers me when anyone else does it too. then, even though i left in plenty of time, i ended up getting lost and being 20 minutes late for the appointment because i thought i knew the street she lived on. i didn't.

but her readings were fairly accurate. oh sure, she could've done some research on me on the internet - lord knows if you google my name, you'll find a letter i've written to the editor or something i've posted on a webpage. but she certainly couldn't find this blog and the friend that introduced me certainly never said anything to her about me.

the highlights? i have to wait a few more months for my "guy" to come and find me. i'll be 34 when we meet, and 37 when something major happens. i'll do loads and loads of travelling in my life (yay!). she said she doesn't see me having kids, which was not a surprise to me as, in recent years, i've felt i wasn't meant to have my own kids. i don't know if that rules out adoption or being a stepmom, but i'm not sure that it doesn't either. i'm going to have a long life. and i'm stubborn and don't like people touching my stuff. true.

sure, all pretty vague stuff. but just as i was getting up to leave, she took one more look at the pictures i brought with me and said, "your brother works at a warehouse?" yes. "future shop?" yes. "oh good. that logo kept popping into my head and i couldn't understand why!" she picked up on some of my friends and family and how they relate to me. some on how their lives are going to go. and she said my Luna was a bit psychic (not psycho, but she'd be right in that respect as well).

at the end, she kept saying, "i'm not worried about you. you're going to be just fine." that's worth the $90.00, if you ask me.

i believe the future is not set in stone. yes, what she predicted for me last night may very well be what is going to happen. but if i change my course, so will my future. i think the beauty of psychics, so long as you don't take them too literally, is that they give you hope for what could lie in the future. if they predict something good, then you have that chance to project that good into the universe so that the good will come to you. if they predict something bad, then you have a chance to change it.

say what you will about psychics - they're not all bad. they just shouldn't charge so darn much for their God-given gift.

lessons

a friend of mine at work told me that my dog would teach me a lot about myself. i agreed, but only to be polite. how wrong i was.

i was sitting on the couch one evening, beckoning Luna to join me in watching TV. she stood there, wagging her tail and looking cute, so i grabbed her and put her on the couch with me. she wriggled away and jumped off. i was slightly frustrated - we've been living together now for 3 months and i feel like she likes me a lot, but isn't connected to me yet. three months is a long time.

and then it hit me - connections take time. love takes time. trust takes time. relationships take time. OMG, my dog has just made me realize that the reason i've been unsuccessful in "finding" someone these past few years is that i want that instantaneous connection, which I'll never get. i can't force someone to love me anymore than i can force my dog to. i can't expect someone to take an interest in me if i don't appear interested in them. also, it's easy enough to put myself "out there" to earn the love of my dog - i should be making more of an effort to get myself "out there" to earn the love of another person. baby steps.

i know that this is not new to me. but like any concept, sometimes it takes awhile...in this case, years...for it to really sink in and become something i'm truly cognizant of - that i can understand fully, identify and, most importantly, own.

good girl, Luna!

p.s. if you are wondering why i'm blogging in the middle of the afternoon on a workday, i called in sick. well, i called in "not feeling great". i wasn't. i think i'm coming down with another cold (i just got over the one i had two weeks ago) so i wanted to head this one off at the pass. plus, my traps are killing me. i was hoping to get into the RMT today but she's not working. i could go to someone else, but mine knows exactly what my problem areas are and how to help. don't mess with a good thing, you know?

i could go see my cute chiro, though. but $40 for a 10 minute crack (even though it involves a lot of body manipulation and leaning into me....oooooh, yeah) is a bit much for therapy and a thrill, even for me :)