WTF

he came to my work today to drop off flowers. with a card that said, "can we have dinner tomorrow - i need to talk to you." fuck off.

then, he phoned my house again this evening. i didn't answer but i phoned him back a few minutes later. and he talked to me like nothing bad had ever happened between us. i was so mad, i don't even remember what i said. i just know i was annoyed and not very nice. well, i don't think i was mean - i was just blunt. he asked me how i could just "turn off my feelings". i told him it was three months in the making. when i asked him about that last e-mail he sent, he laughed it off and said, "well, you made me mad." so i said, "well, you make me mad. that's why we're not seeing each other anymore." he kept asking me to go for lunch or dinner with him. i kept saying no. at the end, i said, "i'm sorry (not really), but i thought i made myself clear before." he actually said, "well, you don't have to be mean about it."

What-The-Fuck. please, oh, please let this be the last I ever hear from him. i don't wish anything bad to happen to him but he needs to leave me alone. in the timeless words of emily dickenson (or was it gloria estefan?):

go away
won't you just go away
go away
don't you come back one day
take your stuff
take all of your precious things
leave right now
who knows what tomorrow brings
stay away
won't you please stay away
live your life but live it real far away
save yourself
there's no way to get it all
look around the writing is on the wall

and when you go i won't miss you at all
and when you go i'll be having a ball
you will see
thoughts of you won't ever cross my mind
it's the truth don't mean to be unkind
'cause people have the right to party
and you won't let them have their fun
see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya
auf wiedersehen, au revoir, shalom

go away
would you please go away
go away
you're outta here come what may
hit the road
don't bother to say goodbye
don't care how
don't even matter why

yes, people have the right to party
and we're not waiting till you're gone
ciao, bye bye, hasta la vista fare thee well,adios, so long

stupid or just dense?

he phoned me yesterday. twice. and left a message saying that he just wanted to hear my voice and hoped that everything was going well. and then he phoned me again today - both on the mobile and on the house phone. WTF?

is he stupid? is he ignoring the fact that our last communcation was by him and it specifically said, "i won't bother you anymore?" WTF!

he's always said that just "hearing my voice" makes him feel better. i have the right mind to change my outgoing message on my cell phone to the system greeting. WTF...

back on the chain gang

if you consider on-line dating to be a chain gang.

yes, i'm doing it again. i've put a profile up on my favorite site to see what i can see (not unlike the bear that went over the mountain). i'm trying to be positive about it all and have nearly convinced myself to meet everyone that asks to meet. after all, you don't have to marry them and you never know until you meet them, right? although the first guy that sent me a "smile" spelled something wrong in his profile. i know i shouldn't judge just by that but he spelled "trying" as "triing". twice.

i have not given up on the Office Crush but have given up on the idea that anything might come of it. he's not interested. at the same time, i'm thinking that perhaps i need to change my tactic. forget about saving face and just put myself out there - flirt shamelessly, even. screw the candies; they're not getting me anywhere. i don't know. i'll explore that idea tomorrow if i have time.

but he does have the most amazing blue eyes. he was at my desk again today, asking a litigation question (he was so excited about getting to do a chambers application on wednesday - it was so cute). of course, my area-mate answered the question for him (i think she might like him too - although she is older than both of us) so i kept working away at my stuff. i am comforted by the fact that, although she was helping him, he didn't take his file off my counter and move over to her, where he could've seen what she was doing. i am totally reading into things but it makes me feel better. he's so cute. OMG.